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am i being unreasonable to say no

(57 Posts)
crunchie9 Tue 17-May-11 16:44:56

I told my boyfriend to please not go on a stag do to ibiza 2 weeks after our baby is due...he wasn't very happy about it. I have been saving to be able to take maternity leave and had to cancel my booked holiday as the pregnancy was not planned and lost the money. am i being unreasonable??

Newmummytobe79 Tue 17-May-11 16:46:46


Does he realise that baby could arrive two weeks late?

Hope he has had time to think about it and now accepted it's a daft thing to want to do.

crunchie9 Tue 17-May-11 16:48:18

I feel as if I am letting him down .... but I don't know either how I will be coping with the baby either. sad

SenoritaViva Tue 17-May-11 16:48:51

YANBU if money is tight. All these stag (and hen) dos that cost a fortune are the unreasonable ones if you ask me. After wedding gifts and possibly accommodation if you're not local then a stag you can spend more than £500. It is utterly ridiculous. Sorry, what I'm saying is I don't think YABU but I might be a teenie bit biased!

TimeWasting Tue 17-May-11 16:48:59

YANBU. My first baby was 12 days overdue. Even if they come on time it's not fair.

What's his justification?

LittleMissFlustered Tue 17-May-11 16:49:32

He's a bit of a knob for even contemplating going to be fair.

SenoritaViva Tue 17-May-11 16:49:39

Sadly I think your boyfriend needs to understand that we end up sacrificing a lot as parents (due to money, time etc.) This is the first of many...

SnuffleTurtle153 Tue 17-May-11 16:49:47

YADNBU! Our DS was 2 weeks late, I ended up being induced - if DH had even considered going away a month either side of this time I would have chopped his knackers off! And even if bub comes on time it's massively unreasonable and a bit horrible for him to bugger off on a lads jolly when he's less than a month old. God.


stickytoffeepud Tue 17-May-11 16:49:53

how longs he going for

crunchie9 Tue 17-May-11 16:50:09

none!! just said that as its end of june he's going.

crunchie9 Tue 17-May-11 16:51:37

4/5 days stickytoffeepud

LindyHemming Tue 17-May-11 16:51:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

saffy85 Tue 17-May-11 16:52:53

YANBU. For him to even think of going on holiday 2 weeks after the due date proves him to be a thoughtless selfish cunt tbh.

As others have said, baby could be 2 weeks (or more!) overdue. Does he not want to be at the birth? If not, that's between you and him, but to not sem to want to be around when his newborn enters the world is pretty shitty imo.

crunchie9 Tue 17-May-11 16:52:56

btw thx guys...thought I was just being unreasonable and or even unfair ... thx again

SnuffleTurtle153 Tue 17-May-11 16:53:08

Pfffffffffft. I have no useful advice. I'm just cross on your behalf. He is being a knob.

TimeWasting Tue 17-May-11 16:53:58

Ah crunchie, he is the unreasonable one! How do you think you were being unfair?

crunchie9 Tue 17-May-11 16:55:25

thought was being unfair by asking him not to go and leaving me on my own the first few weeks....dunno

TimeWasting Tue 17-May-11 16:59:28

You need him there. He needs to step up.

Hassled Tue 17-May-11 17:01:04

He has a lot to learn. Hopefully when the baby arrives he'll get the idea re responsibilities - I think some people need to actually see the baby before they realise that life has changed.

MintyMoo Tue 17-May-11 17:01:35

YANBU. You could well be giving birth/still in hospital/still pregnant at that time. I was 15 days late, Mum was in hospital for 5 days afterwards - I wasn't feeding and couldn't be discharged. Not saying it'll happen to you but it's not beyond the realms of possibility, the chances of your baby arriving on the due date are slim.

Plus even if baby is 2 weeks old the last thing you want is to be alone for 4/5 days.

I really don't see why people can't just go for a 1 night piss up for their Stag/Hen do anymore.

The money and time for this Stag do are much better invested in you and your newborn.

ThePontypinesAreFriendsOfMine Tue 17-May-11 17:07:07

You will be shattered. HE will be shattered. I'm talking the walking dead here. There is a reason why in some cultures mum and baby stay indoors / don't have visitors for the first 40 days after birth - you will literally be existing in your own little world and will need all the help and support you can get. It is incredibly shitty of your dp to essentially 'abandon' you during probably one of the most difficult times of your life. Unacceptable. End of.

And if he gives you grief, show him this thread. wink


By the way, both of mine were 12 days overdue. First babies generally do go a bit over.

Sqee Tue 17-May-11 17:17:58

I agree, show him this thread

shakes fist menacingly at crunchie9's DP

crunchie9 Tue 17-May-11 17:20:16

Thanks for all the advice and support.....feeling a lot better now!!!!

ThePontypinesAreFriendsOfMine thx for the advice too.... smile

TheSkiingGardener Tue 17-May-11 17:21:48

He has no idea what is about to hit him when baby arrives. He is living in cloud cuckoo land. You are not being even remotely unreasonable!

jeckadeck Tue 17-May-11 17:23:39

YANBU and tbh he shouldn't even have planned to go around any time around then. My DH went away a month before my due date but that was to see family who he sees once a year (he's from overseas) during a family crisis and the decision was taken amid much hand-wringing. If he'd planned a lads weekend I'd have basically told him not to bother coming back. It's kind of understandable in a way that your OH might want to go and let his hair down one last time but surely he can see that two weeks after you're due isn't the time. You could still not have delivered, and if you have you'll be up to your neck in the most challenging bit of early pregnancy. Not sure how pregnant you are and this won't work if you're due quite soon but if you're not really far gone could he not have a quick break now? I realize its not the stag do, but its a compromise of sorts?

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