It was probably the longest opening post in the history of threads.
DH still doesn't want to read the thread but has accepted that it is his parents, and particularly his mother, who are at the root of the problems and who have issues of their own that they need more qualified help with than any help we could give them.
He's also accepted that we could benefit from some kind of councelling too.
Things came to a head last week when his sister held a party for their anniversary and I refused to go or let him take LO without me. I told him he could go if he wanted to go (and I meant it, it wasn't in that "do what you want" way that means "but there will be hell to pay if you go.")
We had an argument about it and he threatened to leave and go back to his base just to get some space. In the end he stayed and we had a quiet enough weekend. He didn't go to the party and he didn't tell anyone we weren't going.
After the party I realised that his brother (the one who isn't an alcoholic and whose wife I get along with) had deleted me from facebook. We think it was to prove a point to me that he is supporting his mother. DH was quite annoyed about it but I told him that we aren't 13 and it isn't a problem. It is a bit though because if his brother can't stand to see my name on his friends list he isn't going to want to see me in person either. So again we are being cut off from another section of the family because of PILs self pity but I will get the blame.
I thought DH was okay because that facebook thing was the only thing that had been done following the party (he was expecting a lot of abuse) but on Tuesday he sent me a text to say our marriage was over and he wouldn't take my calls.
I really thought we were finished (and he's bloody lucky that we aren't) and it turned out that something has been said and he went out, got very, very drunk and decided to 'finish' with me and his parents.
The cold light of day and a bad hangover made him realise just what a prat he had been and it was that episode that made him agree to councilling. We are looking for something that will help us as a couple, DH with his past and us as bereaved parents too.
But he has said that he has chosen me and our LO above his parents and I'm hopeful that he means it. I think the councelling will be a positive step to making that a permanent choice rather than one that falls apart the first time they ring him.
Thanks to everyone from the other thread that gave advice.
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15 replies
takethisonehereforastart · 17/05/2011 01:14
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