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To ignore Facebook friend request from my Ex Boyfriend?

(16 Posts)
vhappymumma2b Wed 27-Apr-11 19:55:50

Could do with some advice girls please... preggers hormones have scrambled my decision making skills!

I had a weird shock the other day when I saw that my Ex has sent me a friend request on Facebook shock - when I haven't heard from him in about 15 years!!

Basically, I'm happily married to my DH who I've been with for 14 years (BTW told my DH about the friend request straight away).

We were only 18 years old when my Ex and I got together and things lasted for over a year - it was a pretty passionate and tempramental relationship, we were very much in love but things ended pretty badly. He could be very possessive which led to the breakup which he didn't handle well at all.

I don't think it's appropriate for me to be in touch with my Ex at all, and I certainly don't want my Ex knowing any of my business. I don't want to hurt his feelings either.

Him getting back in touch has brought back feelings of guilt about the past, in that I was the one who dumped him and caused him a lot of pain. So I want to deal with this sensitively.

Should I...
a) just ignore the request entirely and leave it at that
b) ignore the request and send him a message on there saying hello, thanks for your request, I wish you well, but don't think it's appropriate us being in touch, take care of yourself blah blah blah

My DH is a thoughtful guy who gives good advice - he said for me not to worry and just to ignore it and leave it at that, which I do think is sensible and the right thing. But why does that make me feel guilty???

GeorgeEliot Wed 27-Apr-11 19:56:47

ignore it

honeybehappy Wed 27-Apr-11 19:57:39

why on earth do you feel guilty? just ignore the request

Needanewname Wed 27-Apr-11 19:57:48

I really don;t think you have anything to agonsie over. Do you want to be friends with him yes, then accept, no then ignore. No problem, stop over annalysing it! Bloody facebook!

olibeansmummy Wed 27-Apr-11 19:59:12

If it bothers you, ignore him. I'm friends with a few exs on fb though and it's not a problem, they're just on there really not messaging each other or anything.

hardhatdonned Wed 27-Apr-11 20:00:22

If you feel uncomfortable having him on facebook then don't accept. Personally i've got all my ex's bar DC's sperm donor on facebook but thats because we always worked better as friends than partners and still have a really good laugh with them all.

Your facebook page, so you control who you have on it.

BitOfFun Wed 27-Apr-11 20:01:04

I think that after fifteen years, he is probably over it. So you can safely ignore and refuse to let the nosey git look at all your photos.

anniepanniepears Wed 27-Apr-11 20:02:08


vhappymumma2b Wed 27-Apr-11 20:22:18

Ta girls, has made me feel better, thanks for the advice.

I know it is just me being hormonal and overworrying but I think that I felt a little freaked out over it as I have just heard that he's got divorced. Knowing from past experience how he can react a tad unhinged I wanted to deal with it in the right way, without him sniffing around again, though like you say this is thankfully massively unlikely after all of this time!!

Bloody Exes! Bloody Facebook! x

blueeyedmonster Wed 27-Apr-11 20:26:42

Definately ignore.

I had the same issue and didn't ignore. It led to my ex trying it on with me 13 years after we broke up shock

Needless to say I deleted him and haven't been in contact with him since. It's not worth the hassle.

BluddyMoFo Wed 27-Apr-11 20:27:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

albania Wed 27-Apr-11 20:33:04

Just ignore it.
Sounds to me like you might still have feelings for him, what with 'feeling guilty' and 'don't want to hurt his feelings'.
Why bother messaging him? Then he'll message back and you'll message back and he'll message back and you'll message back and...
Just ignore it, no message, nothing.

kaid100 Wed 27-Apr-11 20:35:32

I think that 2 would be awkward and rub it in a bit. Just ignore it. It's not like a message goes back to him saying "vhappymumma2b has rejected your request", he'll probably forget he ever sent it.

ReindeerBollocks Wed 27-Apr-11 20:51:59

Ignore - I'm always curious about what people from my past are up to - but have to balance this with how that person will affect my life now and any future interactions.

It's normal to be nosey curious and want to be polite, but it can often be safer to ignore and leave the past where it is.

vhappymumma2b Wed 27-Apr-11 20:56:17

albania Absolutely no feelings whatsoever for the bloke - hadn't thought about him in years and would never ever want anything to do with him ever again. No interest whatsoever on hearing anything about him.
It's just that being pregnant I'm feeling far more sensitive to things than usual and wanted to be kind in how I handled it.
My gut feel was just to ignore it, glad that the concensus is that it's the right thing to do.

jessica361 Mon 14-Dec-15 03:32:56

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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