to carry on tickling when my DC say stop?

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

A bit of a dilemma here - I would like some oher viewpoints please.



I have always taught the DC that if they are doing something to somebody and that person asks them to stop, then they should stop straightaway, and that other people will respect their wishes if they get into a similar position. Iyswim?

So, here's the AIBU:

We often have fantastic tickling/purping games with the DC and they, in the midst if their hilarity are saying "stop" and "No", but I feel they aren't really meaning it, it's just an involuntary reaction to the fun.

I feel that even in this tomfoolery circumstance, any horseplay should stop straightaway, to respect their wishes. But DH thinks it's fine to carry on in this situation as they are actually enjoying it.

Am I being overly cautious?

[thisisyesterday]

yes, you should stop if they say stop

being tickled is HORRIBLE. just cos they're laughing doesn't mean it's nice
and to carry on is just saying "hey, i'm more powerful than you and i can do this to you even if you say no" which is just nasty

[Nanny0gg]

It's hideous. Please stop when they ask.

[FudgeGirl]

If DP tickles me and won't stop I am at risk of stopping breathing or actually wetting myself

I can't bear it! It's funny for about half a second.

[Imnotaslimjim]

I too think you should stop. I have a fear of being tickled now, from being in that sort of circumstance as a child. There was a lot more to it than that, but now, I can't bear to be tickled in anyway, I don't laugh anymore, I scream and run :(

[Punkatheart]

Oh I hated being tickled. My sister who was a bully used to do it until I cried.

So yes, stop when stop is required.

[coppertop]

You should stop when they tell you to. If they don't really mean it they can then ask you to carry on.

[ChristinedePizan]

I always, always stop. If you're being tickled you need to feel that you're in control

[iwastooearlytobeayummymummy]

your DP ibu, and your children are getting seriously mixed messages
I don't know how old your DC are, but this undermines the message of No means No.

[DramaInPyjamas]

Yes, I would stop too if told.

[peeriebear]

I stop when my DDs ask, they will usually ask me to start again in 30 seconds anyway! The feeling of being tickled mercilessly is horrid.

[MillyR]

I hated being tickled as well. You should stop doing it unless they ask you to do it.

[maxpower]

I know where you're coming from OP, but I will carry on tickling my DD when she says stop, within reason - I trust that I recognise when she's saying stop (because she's laughing so much she's getting worn out) as opposed to saying stop because she's distressed.

My dad used to tickle us when we were children almost to the point of it being unbearable, but when I think back on it, I only remember the laughter - I don't feel he was exerting power over us or abusing his position as a bigger, stronger member of the family.

[JeremyVile]

Stop when they say so. Not stopping is bloody horrible.

I remember this very thing from my childhood and it was really upsetting, though I wouldn't have been able to explain why/would have felt silly trying to explain it.

Also, I dont think its the saying no thats the involuntary reaction - it's the laughing.

I remember laughing hysterically, but it wasnt fun or funny, I desperately wanted it to stop. It was a strange thing - I'd be crying but involuntarily laughing so it just seemed like I was crying with laughter.

God, just remembering it now is horrible, remember feeling like I couldnt breathe and desperately trying to make it understood that I wanted it to stop

[colditz]

It's not nice to tickle after the point at which someone has asked you to stop. Anyone tickling me after being asked to stop would be carrying their teeth home in a hat. I might not sound serious, because I am laughing, but if I am saying stop, I want it to stop.

What message does he want them to learn? That people can do as they please and that saying stop won't make them stop, and that it's ok for them to carry on because they are bigger than you?

[Oakmaiden]

Chaos - I do know what you mean - My youngest loves being tickled, but after a moment or 5 shouts out "stop". So I do, and then he catches his breath and says "Do it again, Mummy!". So I don't think tickling is as bad as the other responses are implying - some children do LOVE it, but that said, I do always stop when he says so, because the thing with tickles is that when you have had enough it is horrid if somebody doesn't stop.... And if they don't really mean stop, then they can always ask you to go again!

[thisisyesterday]

maxpower so you'd only stop if you thought she was distressed?
why does it have to get to the point of her being distressed? maybe she just wants you to bloody well stop already

[Onetoomanycornettos]

I stop, then wait til they say 'again, again' then start. But always stop when they say 'stop'.

[hester]

Yes, always stop. it doesn't mean you have to cut off the fun completely; when my dd asks me to stop tickling, I may then just lay my hands flat on her tummy, or hold her round the waist, laughing and asking if she's really, really sure. 8 times out of 10 she asks me to tickle her again, once she's caught her breath, but the opportunity to catch her breath is important and I would never teach her that no is sometimes taken to mean yes.

[BooyHoo]

sorry but tickling is agony for me and EXp found this hilarious. i know it isn't so bad for some but it really is horrendous and it actually scared me when he jokingly threatened to tickle me. he never meant to harm me and in his eyes, tickling was funny, othrwise why would i be laughing? but really i hate it it. and when he refused to stop i was furious with him. we had quite a few rows over it and he eventually had to accept that he couldn't do it. i was honestly left in tears of pain after a tickling session. i think you should stop when they ask you to.

[Icoulddoitbetter]

An ex of mine had a bad habit of tickling me and I absoluted hated it. It is horrid and if DH ever even attepted it I'd thump his lights out.

Stop when they ask!

[MillyR]

OP, I think you've identified for yourself what the issue is. We teach our children that physical contact with other people has to be based on what the other person says they want, not what we think they should want. Otherwise, what kind of person could a child grow up to become?

[WhatsWrongWithYou]

I hate it - my family know now not to tickle me ever as I won't be held responsible for my reaction. I would do anything to make it stop.

My dad was never ever physically affectionate, but would occasionally do this horrible aggressive tickling which makes me feel sick to think about.

Not saying your DH is like this, but tickling beyond what a child can bear can have serious psychological consequences.

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

I thought I was on the right track - DH just gives them a bit of a moment to catch their breath and carries on, after gauging their attitude.

I was worried that it could possibly be sending them mixed messages about definitive stopping and kind of going on if it's in the name of fun.

I'll reiterate to DH that he should be taking his cues from them, and only restarting tickling if they indicate that they want him to.

Thanks.