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To be mightily pissed off that I am nearly 37 weeks pregnant and I am still asking DH to do things that I asked weeks ago?

(14 Posts)
CrapBag Sat 15-Jan-11 10:59:14

We have had loads of bits and pieces to sort out and xmas was a total washout due to me being in hospital on the day with suspected appendicitis, had crippling pelvic pain since and generally can't do anything that I want to do.

I have been asking DH since early December to go to my nans and put together the travel system. I ordered it online and if there is a problem, its far too late to send it back and get another one. He still hasn't done it though.

I have asked him a few times to change the sheets on the bed, still not been done and I have been physically incapable. I actually got him to do DS's the other evening but that was just the sheet, not the actual bedding, do I really need to spell everything out!

I need some bits from the loft, feeding pillow, baby bath and couple of other bits. I ask him where they are and all I get is, "I don't know".

I am gone 36 weeks pregnant. She is breech and I havent' felt great in a while, taken a month to get my car sorted after someone hit it outside in the ice. I just don't need anymore stress.

He has been good, looking after DS and working full time but its the little things like tidying up toys, putting things away and not dumping everything on the kitchen sides when I have been trying desperately to clear them. He has also had a bit of a grumble about having to take me out in a wheelchair at the weekends as I can't get out much in the week, he seems ok with it now though.

I am fed up of constantly asking, then I get huffed at when I ask, yet again (and I am asking, not shouting or anything like that which I feel like doing).

AIBU?

altinkum Sat 15-Jan-11 11:03:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrapBag Sat 15-Jan-11 11:05:37

I am not constantly nagging him at all, which is what I said above. Occasionally I realise that I am still waiting and I ask him again and get shrugged off. My sheet has blood on it from when I scratched my legs from itching so much. I didn't think asking for a clean sheet was too much tbh.

I've got to go and have baby turned on Thursday and there is a very small risk that if she gets distressed, they will have to deliver then and there.

piprabbit Sat 15-Jan-11 11:09:07

Do him a list - most important/time critical job at the top.

Tell him that these things all need doing before the baby arrives - and then leave it up to him to work his way through the list. Say you've put it in a list as you know he has a lot on his plate, and thought it would be easier than you nagging him.

Try really hard to avoid big 'bucket' jobs (like 'tidy toys'), but break it into smaller tasks he can tick off.

Then you should be able to stop nagging.

RobynLou Sat 15-Jan-11 11:10:08

YANBU

he's working, yes, but you're not asking him to do things when he's working but when he's home. At 37 weeks pg I would expect my husband to be at my beck and call when he's home, especially if you're ill, it sounds like you're having a tough time of it.

I'm 39 weeks and my DH has spent all of his days off for the past couple of weeks cleaning and sorting things out, he gets up with DD every morning and brings me breakfast in bed, and cooks most of the meal and does bedtime every night.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sat 15-Jan-11 11:14:44

YANBU. I am only 30 weeks but I've got really bad SPD and my baby is breech and frequently has a foot stuck down into my pelvis so that I can't actually bend over very well at all.

DH is working full-time, he is gone 7.30-6.30 or later most days.

He has done all the DIY jobs I've asked him to, and is helping out loads with cooking, changing sheets and general household stuff - and he does DS' bath every night and does a proper toy tidy afterwards.

He still has plenty of time to do his own thing, tinker with his car, play daft computer games etc.

PrincessScrumpy Sat 15-Jan-11 11:19:37

DH was working so hard before dd arrived and I had a prematire labour stopped at 32 weeks so was told to do nothing! We got a cleaner for 6 weeks to help. Couldn't really afford it but glad we did.

Flisspaps Sat 15-Jan-11 11:37:27

YANBU. Technically you're now full term so in contrast to Altinkum saying you could have 5 weeks to go, you could in fact have the baby at any time. DH might well be working, bully for him - he can come home and STOP being at work. You can't switch off being pregnant in order to do these things.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sat 15-Jan-11 11:39:53

Agree about getting a cleaner if you can. Ours starts on Wednesday.

We had one when I was pg and we were both working full-time when I had DS, and kept them until DS was about 4/5 months. This time I think it will be permanent.

Flisspaps Sat 15-Jan-11 11:51:58

And I say that as someone who went to 40+16 hmm

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sat 15-Jan-11 11:52:34

OMG Fliss - nightmare!

architien Sat 15-Jan-11 12:09:39

I agree. You can't take any time at all from being massively pregnant and yet once out of work his time is no longer spent working.

I'm tempted to say that if he doesn't work through your list (once you're agreed that each list item is important) then he doesn't get dinner. Saying that though I do that with myself. I get to relax once a job is done not relax then give everyone else stress by letting them down. Saying that though he may just be at a loss as to where to start. Maybe you could do the list together asking him if there are any things he would like in place before a newborn is introduced to the house. Explain that by working together on this it's about making your lives easier in the long run.

My DH is out 7am-8.30pm monday to saturday for the foreseeable future, really wish we could afford a cleaner. I'm a huge 28 weeks and with a toddler and keeping up normal standards is getting almost impossible comical.
Really I empathise.

LittleBugsMum Sat 15-Jan-11 12:36:05

YANBU! It's awful being disabled by pregnancy. I have SPD and at 38 weeks (and 3 stone heavier) I'm enormous! I really do expect the man of the house to step up and look after his family. This includes his wife's mental health...you'd do it for him in a similar situation!

My DH does a lot. He tidies when he gets in from work, he puts furniture together, goes to laundrette (washing machine broke down), cooks dinner and looks after DS sometimes so I can sleep. I am very grateful.

The thing is, he moans the whole time he does these things except looking after DS - they adore each other. Otherwise he Grumbles constantly under his breath and it drives me crazy! I sometimes find it difficult to show my appreciation because of this and of course it makes the bad atmosphere worse...

Perhaps you should START to nag. Or cry. I'm guessing you won't have to fake it either.

Good luck, it won't be forever x

CrapBag Sat 15-Jan-11 20:13:04

Wish I could hire a cleaner!!

I also agree that yes it could be 5 weeks but it could easily be a few days time. DS was 10 days early and I really wasn't expecting that so I don't want to take any chances this time.

DH did do something today that I have been waiting for, putting DS's toddler bed together so I can arrange the room (they are going to have to share) and sort all the toys and stuff out. Just need that shelf now.

The list is a good idea. I did it before for lots of little odd jobs and he did work his way through pretty quickly.

I just get so frustrated when I know I want to get on and do things but I can't and have to rely on someone else to do things for me. I know he is putting off going in the loft as he doesn't know where things are, but then he is the one who dumped it all up there. We also need the moses basket stand down but he doesn't know where that is.

Looking forward to a child free morning tomorrow though while we go in town (with me in a wheelchair but at least we'll be out).

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