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AIBU?

to feel being a mummy can be a thankless task

16 replies

mermaids21 · 12/01/2011 17:36

Is it just me or do others feel this way? Picked up dd (4) from nursery who moaned and complained all the way home she didn't want to go because they were about to do painting, picked up ds (8) form school who barely spoke and when he did it was sarky responses to my chirpy 'so how was your day?' type questions. Cooked a nice meal which on sitting down to the table son said it looked like poo (!) and dd refused to eat it. (they had wolfed exact same meal down last week). I work 3 days a week and look forward to seeing the kids but feeling really low this evening now! AIBU to expect a little bit more effort from them or am I living in cloud cuckoo land?! Thought this was what you get when they are surly teens...

OP posts:

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mumbonn · 12/01/2011 20:05

I feel like this a lot of the time too!!!

A1980 · 12/01/2011 20:06

When I was a child, I was so happy to get out of school at 3:30pm. Just wanted to get home, play with toys, watch tv, etc.

Every day... EVERY DAY my mum says "what did you do today" without fail when she picked me up. The same question day after day after day, it annoyed me, just wanted to forget about school. I used to say "nothing" or just mention one thing. But she made a real issue: "what do you mean nothing, is that all, what else, I want to hear ALL about it"

Fuck. Off. Is what I wanted to say.

I haven't had children yet so my views are probably not the same as a mum's. But this is how I felt from a child's perspective. It was no walk in the park being at school. Once I was out, I was out and I wanted to leave it behind, and it was tiring. It's frustrating for you as you're happy to see them but them seem a little grouchy but erhaps just let him alone after school if he's like that. I'd have thrown dd's food in the bin and given her nothing else if she'd said that though.

Rhinestone · 12/01/2011 20:10

LOL at A1980 - that was EXACTLY how I used to feel about my mum asking me about school every single ducking day from when I was 5 until I was 18!

Rhinestone · 12/01/2011 20:11

oops, fucking day, not ducking day!

Didn't learn much at school but I did learn my swearwords!

OP - it's not much fun being a kid sometimes. Give them a break.

A1980 · 12/01/2011 20:13

I'm glad I wasn't the only one Rhinestone!

School's harder than you think. How does an adult feel after a day at work, particularly a hard one. It's the same for a child after a long day at school. They're not necessarily up for chirpy discussions and want to chill perhaps. I did anyway!

Anymajordude · 12/01/2011 20:13

A1980 - that is a really interesting point. It was DS's first day at nursery today and I gave him that very same grilling. It's too new for him to be bored of that conversation but I understand how it can be wearing.

OP - yes it is knackering and thankless at times. I get sick of hearing the sound of my own voice nagging the same things day after day. When DS says something funny, or sometimes says that he loves me, that's my thank you. Perhaps when he's older I'll feel more like you do.

piratecat · 12/01/2011 20:15

its an emotional rollercoaster. i hate feeling resentful of dd's attitude, it's hard not to bite back.

she is 8 and has got a little hormonal over the last 6 months.

i am a lone parent and i sometimes feel like my job as her mother is very thankless. then again the nice bits make me smile again.

moogalicious · 12/01/2011 20:17

Agree with A1980 that they need some chill out time, although I'm only just realising this with my dd who's 8. Now I let her wind down with some computer time and then she's more likely to do homework and chat without arguments!

missorinoco · 12/01/2011 20:18

90% time totally thankless. 5% time utterly wonderful. Other 5% time - not thankless but that's only because they want something from you.

Shall bear in mind tips re "What did you do today at school/nursery?" DS already says nothing, and he's 3/12!

moogalicious · 12/01/2011 20:18

And mermaids YANBU - it is a thankless task!

Adair · 12/01/2011 20:19

I can see that one. I usually watch dd's reactions and see how she responds (if she has 'just shut up' on her face, I don't push it... just try and talk later) but 'tell me something funny that happened today' sometimes works...

I would however be pissed off if my kids were rude (sarky comments, saying dinner looked like poo). I don't think they are too young to know that if they speak to you like that it makes you feel sad/hurt and it is not respectful or acceptable.

ScotlandR · 12/01/2011 20:21

Dear OP,

What were you EXPECTING?!?!?!?!?!

Your children to look at you solemnly with tears in their eyes everyday to thank you for being their mother?

Meglet · 12/01/2011 20:22

yanbu.

I'm just happy when nursery / other adults or the vicar say my dc's are lovely. The kids couldn't care less.

deliakate · 12/01/2011 20:25

I think I first thanked my mum for being my mum when I was 31 and just about to have my own baby.

MadamDeathstare · 12/01/2011 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MirandaGoshawk · 12/01/2011 20:31

Yes it's a thankless task. Just wait until they are surly teens. Mine are 17 and are either angry with me or don't bother answering my questions.

Except occasionally, once in ablue moon-- a while, they are actual human beings, they come and search me out to talk to me, and it's lovely.

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