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To think that the default position for my XH should not be to phone me? (Could get long)

(12 Posts)
imustbemadasaboxoffrogs Wed 12-Jan-11 08:38:01

And expect me to sort out stuff for him?

Background - have on-going issues with him keeping the nice clothes I send the kids in and returning them dressed in crap old clothes and shoes that don't fit.

Anyway, was on my way out to dinner last night half an hour away from home and I got a phone call

"I will be at your house in 3/4 of an hour as DD2 needs joggers"

I said I'm not there. Are you sure you don't have joggers at your house?"

(I know he does there's a full set of joggers and top and hoodie and trainers there that I provided and he kept despite repeated requests to return them)

He said he'd asked DD2 (who is 8) and she said she didn't have any at his house and he was in Tesco's getting groceries and he would just call round and get the joggers from my house as DD1 has a key.

I am ashamed to say I flipped. Did not do the yes dear no dear MN thing. Turned into screaming harridan, ended up turning the car around, meeting him in Tesco's car park and giving him the joggers and top from my house.

I am really pissed off. We share custody 50/50 - he believes I should provide all their clothes and pay for all their activities because I get the Child Benefit.

AIBU to think that he should just have dandered round to the clothes bit of Tesco and bought a cheap pair of joggers for her?

Eliza70 Wed 12-Jan-11 08:54:37

Get all their clothes from your house and his house. Make an inventory. Divide the clothes so there is an adequate amount at each house. Give him a list of what you are giving him to have. Tell him to refer to it when necessary. But yes, he should have bought her some cheapo ones from Tesco.

Is it also worth keeping a note of what you spend the CB on do he can see it is inadequate to cover everything?

FrequentNutter Wed 12-Jan-11 08:58:13

Child Benefit is only 20 a week per child.

What about feeding the children?

imustbemadasaboxoffrogs Wed 12-Jan-11 08:59:10

Thing is Eliza, I moved out of the family home so all her clothes were there and I had to buy all new ones.

After a year and a half the stuff at his house is very tatty to say the least BUT he has all of DD1's clothes in the attic that should fit the size DD2 is now.

Apparently I'm being ridiculous to expect him to go into the attic to hoke for clothes hmm

And I suggested that he go to the clothes bit of Tesco and pick up joggers for her and I would square him for them but he didn't have time to do that and he shouldn't have to when I am supposed to provide all their clothes from the Child Benefit.

He has just landed here this morning, having taken her to karate last night, with a karate outfit in a bag and told me I have to pay for that angry

imustbemadasaboxoffrogs Wed 12-Jan-11 08:59:37

Frequent Nutter - he thinks they live on fresh air

imustbemadasaboxoffrogs Wed 12-Jan-11 09:01:54

And what has annoyed me is that instead of him looking in his house for the joggers which are there, or going into the attic, he phones me, expects me to BE here and have joggers ready for him to collect.

I am obviously still expected to be at his beck and call even though we aren't married any more


ilovemyhens Wed 12-Jan-11 09:03:49

Tell him he's being an arse and he's to run to his mummy if he needs help with his kids clothes.

Also tell him that as he's obviously not coping with the shared custody then pehaps it should be reviewed grin

Stand up for yourself and be a lot more assertive. My ExP used to go on like this, but I refused to play ball and do absolutely nothing for him now.

imustbemadasaboxoffrogs Wed 12-Jan-11 09:04:55

Ilovemyhens - do you know me grin

Mummy provides food parcels for him grin

imustbemadasaboxoffrogs Wed 12-Jan-11 09:05:26

And I'm cross with myself for letting him annoy me and for reacting to him - I'd been doing so well at the smile and wave


Bogeyface Wed 12-Jan-11 09:07:55

Never has the phrase "Jog on" been more appropriate!

Can you afford to give him copies of the child benefit award letter and tell him that you will give him half and he can clothe them himself? What about maintenance? Does he pay or does it even out with the 50/50 care? Atleast save all the receipts (including food, school trips, everything) and give him a full list of what is spent so he can see that this mythical pot of gold called Child Benefit doesnt actually cover it all.

And tell him to piss off about the Karate outfit!

StewieGriffinsMom Wed 12-Jan-11 09:17:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Plumm Wed 12-Jan-11 09:22:22

I agree with ever suggestion put forward. Get financial evidence of what you receive for the children and what you spend on them (and tell him o do the same) then tell him what financial arrangement is suitable for you, via a solicitor if necessary.

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