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To sell 21st birthday gift from Dad because I am skint

(28 Posts)
somewhatskint Tue 11-Jan-11 07:35:40

I have namechanged for this as I feel it makes me a bit identifiable.

My Dad bought me a personalised number plate for my 21st birthday 6 years ago. Not to everyone's taste I know but something of a family tradition!

He was delighted to have found a plate with my name on that he could afford. I found it all a bit flash but was grateful.

Roll on 6 years. DP and I are on a vv tight budget. Partly due to the recession, and because I have chosen to work PT, 3 days per week 9-5. This is to allow me to spend time with young DCs, and something that for me and our DCs I feel is the right thing to do. I love our time together and do not plan to work more hours until school or if we cannot get by on our income.

We manage, but with little left for 'extras' and our home needs some TLC.

I want to sell the plate. Dad was mortified and pretty upset saying this was a special gift. He knows our financial situation.

It is not worth masses, maybe £2k on a good day (online value sites are confusing, I need to do some digging). However that would hopefully allow us to: do up our shambles of a bathroom; small renovations to bring house back to life; buy some storage; emergency fund e.g. for boiler breakdown.

I should add that I work for my Dad and TBH feel underpaid. I have tackled him about this and he says times are hard.... He has a point and I am undecided as to whether he is being fair or not. That is a for another thread, I have only mentioned it to avoid AIBU by stealth.

Opinions gratefully received, hard hat is on.....

ManateeEquineOhara Tue 11-Jan-11 07:42:03

I would sell it for sure. It is an object, you are not selling your Dad. But that is really just my opinion and I am sure others would feel that you should keep it, and it would be rude to sell it. It is a shame that your Dad is upset about this, but considering your financial situation he should understand that all the things you would spend the money on are more important than a personalised number plate!

belgo Tue 11-Jan-11 07:42:16

Very difficult. If it;s worth 2000 I totally understand why you want to sell it, and be honest with your dad, say that you value the present but your family come first and you need the money for them.

SoupDragon Tue 11-Jan-11 07:46:07

What impact will this have on you're relationship with your dad? Given that you're working for him and you won't be able to hide the fact that you've sold it, things may be strained.

I think you are optimistic about what £2000 will do around the house though.

pleasechange Tue 11-Jan-11 07:46:19

It's a difficult one. If I was strapped for cash and had a ready saleable asset, that I didn't need, worth £2k, then I would be very tempted to sell it.

Does your dad understand what it means to be hard up and need the cash? (genuine question, because giving a £2k present for a 21st suggests he's a bit loaded). I've found that the more money people have, the more difficulty them seem to have in empathising with others' financial situations. This shouldn't stop you proceeding though.

I think YANBU

monkeyflippers Tue 11-Jan-11 07:55:48

I wouldn't sell it as it was a special present and will really upset your dad. I understand the financial problems (have my own) but still wouldn't sell soemthing with sentimental value.

I'd ask you dad again about a pay rise. Have a look at what comparable jobs are paying.

somewhatskint Tue 11-Jan-11 07:57:05

Thanks for the responses.

Soupdragon- I think dad will be disappointed, huffy for a bit and possibly mumble that DP needs to earn more money (he is doing his best and works hard, Dad is old fashioned IMO and expects DP to provide everything).

You are unfortunately probably right about my optimism over what we could do with 2k!!

Allnew, Dad was vv well off. However following a nasty divorce (from second wife not my Mum) he is less so. He thinks he is hard-up but to be honest I think he has no idea what hard-up really is!!

MmeLindt Tue 11-Jan-11 07:59:36

Tricky.

Find out first if it really would bring that much - no point in alienating your Dad for the sake of a couple of hundreds of pounds.

Then sit down with your Dad. Make a list of what you could do with the money - detail it so he knows you are not going to fritter it away.

If your Dad were to employ someone to do your job, would he find somebody willing to work for your wages?

bubbleOseven Tue 11-Jan-11 08:02:52

Hmmmm, not sure about this one. It almost sounds as though its emotional blackmail. Like, dad, if you don't pay me more money I'm gonna sell the gift you gave me

somewhatskint Tue 11-Jan-11 08:15:43

Ouch bubble- that is not the case at all but I see your point. Dad is clearly not going to pay me any more for the forseeable future.

I think I could earn more elsewhere but enjoy working with my extended family, am investing in my long term future providing the business survives the recession and have some flexibility in emergencies e.g. when DC are ill I can alter my days of work without too much hassle or can take them to work if childcare breaks down.

Maybe I should have not mentioned the work bit- as I said was trying to avoid AIBU by stealth but maybe it was not relevant.

I don't want Dad to feel blackmailed.

MmeLindt, you are right I need to gather facts and show Dad exactly what I would do with the money if it is worth something.

NoLadyButManyBubbasAndBumps Tue 11-Jan-11 08:18:56

I wouldn't. Especially as you've already brought it up and he's been upset by the idea.

What about ebaying some other stuff - won't reach £2k probably, but stuff that you don't use anymore.

also, try freecycle for storage and things - our local freecycle's great for things like that.

MmeLindt Tue 11-Jan-11 08:20:03

It is relevant, if you are working under the normal wage scale.

I don't see it as emotional blackmail if this is the case.

Either your Dad pays you what he would pay a stranger or he accepts that you have to sell things.

It is not like it is a family heirloom, it is a piece of metal that is only worth something cause some think it is cool.

cobbledtogether Tue 11-Jan-11 08:26:04

I can see your Dad's POV.

I'd be pretty upset if I'd sought out and bought an expensive gift for someone and they sold it. I disagree with MmeLindt in that the piece of metal became something special the moment your dad bought it and attached a sentimental value to it.

I do understand that you would like the money and it would come in handy though. The only thing to consider is that once its gone, its gone and if you need to do anything else to the house or if there is an emergency, your original financial position will be exactly the same as you are in now.

scurryfunge Tue 11-Jan-11 08:32:33

If you are struggling to get by on your income then you could increase your work hours without the need to sell off the plate if you do not want to.

Flisspaps Tue 11-Jan-11 08:36:44

Sell it, but only once you've got a price for it and you've got a real idea of what it's going to cost to do the work you want to do to the house.

Just because a gift is important to the giver, doesn't mean that it's special to the receiver. Your Dad gave it to you, therefore it is yours to do with what you wish.

belgo Tue 11-Jan-11 08:36:55

I think the issue of your wage is a very big one. If he really is paying you less then what he would pay a stranger, then he is taking advantage, and that needs to be sorted out. Especially with the implication that he thinks your dh , as the man, should be earning more money, so that he doesn't have to pay his daughter, a woman, a decent wage.

pleasechange Tue 11-Jan-11 08:39:41

The wage issue is a difficult one - it's a family business and I'm guessing if things are tight then it makes sense to hold back wages where possible to ensure the business survives (not to the extent that you're subsidising it though, unless you receive some kind of profit share).

But as for the attitude that your DH should be providing hmm.

diddl Tue 11-Jan-11 08:44:45

Is your Dad at least paying you the "going rate" for what you do?

If not, is there any point in keeping the job?

Also-long term future-you are hoping to take over at some point?

How many years are you thinking of working for a low wage on the off chance that this might happen?

Is the business only viable because family members aren´t paid much?

I´m not sure that selling the numberplate would make much inroad into what you want to do, but I´d sell it on the gounds that I think they´re naff.

Could you buy a small thing for yourself so that you still have something from your Dad to rememberyour 21st by?

And gold to sell-that´s getting a good grice atm.

somewhatskint Tue 11-Jan-11 14:00:41

Bump for the afternoon MNetters

somewhatskint Tue 11-Jan-11 14:32:13

Oops sorry, my 'refresh' didn't work properly and I missed the later replies.

I really appreciate all the input but I do feel the issue of the number plate is separate to the wages.

You have all kindly given advice so to clarify- I will inherit the business once Dad dies (only child). We have been established 40 years, currently riding the wave of recession but hope to make it out of the other end and that times will improve.

I do not feel I am paid well, but its not clear cut- I do so many different things and I feel I do them well. However, no one is irreplaceable!

I think Dad has taken me less seriously as a colleague since I went PT, and does have an ingrained sexist view that he himself is barely aware of (I am ashamed on his behalf and this is hard to admit). I think he feels I have chosen DC's over work, which I guess I have. Its sad he feels this way as he is scarred from being sent to boarding school aged 6, so his mum could continue her activities- I thought he would appreciate me making sacrifices to be with DCs.

I have a degree and worked sucessfully for ten years in the city before coming back down south to work for Dad. This is only relevant by way of explaining that I have not always worked for him, and have plenty of experience elsewhere.

As soon as DC are in school I hope to plough more energy into work. It has been my choice to work PT as I want to look after them myself as much as possible. Horses for courses I know but I am acutely aware that I will never get this time with them again.

The work and wages thing is really a whole new thread. It upsets me greatly and I probably need to grow a backbone over it!

However, the question of whether to free up some cash via the numberplate remains. Any further input gratefully received!

somewhatskint Tue 11-Jan-11 14:34:50

Oops sorry, my 'refresh' didn't work properly and I missed the later replies.

I really appreciate all the input but I do feel the issue of the number plate is separate to the wages.

You have all kindly given advice so to clarify- I will inherit the business once Dad dies (only child). We have been established 40 years, currently riding the wave of recession but hope to make it out of the other end and that times will improve.

I do not feel I am paid well, but its not clear cut- I do so many different things and I feel I do them well. However, no one is irreplaceable!

I think Dad has taken me less seriously as a colleague since I went PT, and does have an ingrained sexist view that he himself is barely aware of (I am ashamed on his behalf and this is hard to admit). I think he feels I have chosen DC's over work, which I guess I have. Its sad he feels this way as he is scarred from being sent to boarding school aged 6, so his mum could continue her activities- I thought he would appreciate me making sacrifices to be with DCs.

I have a degree and worked sucessfully for ten years in the city before coming back down south to work for Dad. This is only relevant by way of explaining that I have not always worked for him, and have plenty of experience elsewhere.

As soon as DC are in school I hope to plough more energy into work. It has been my choice to work PT as I want to look after them myself as much as possible. Horses for courses I know but I am acutely aware that I will never get this time with them again.

The work and wages thing is really a whole new thread. It upsets me greatly and I probably need to grow a backbone over it!

However, the question of whether to free up some cash via the numberplate remains. Any further input gratefully received!

charliesmommy Tue 11-Jan-11 16:40:24

YABU

It was a gift from your Dad, and for a significant birthday. I think to sell it would be wrong and it would be understandable if your Dad was hurt by the fact you think so little of it that you want to sell it.

However with regards to the wages issue. Treat him like you would any other employer, if you are not happy, then look for another job with better money.

Could your dad afford to give you a loan which could be deducted from your wages, rather than you sell the number plate perhaps?

skydance Tue 11-Jan-11 17:00:40

I wouldn't sell it, it was a special present, he's already indicated he would be upset, you have to continue to work with him so you don't need an awkward atmosphere.

Think if it was one of your DC in the future, I would be pretty hurt to be honest if they sold a special 21st present I had specially hunted out.

I know where you are coming from moneywise, and although £2000 is a lot of money to us it isn't a fortune and wouldn't really go that far, I really don't think it would do what you've listed, and then it would be gone, what do you do next time, I think maybe sentimental value is worth more.

rinabean Tue 11-Jan-11 17:14:22

"Think if it was one of your DC in the future, I would be pretty hurt to be honest if they sold a special 21st present I had specially hunted out." Yeah, but wouldn't you be upset if you were underpaying your child for their hard work and they were struggling as a result? He apparently cares more about this bit of metal than his own bloody daughter! It's disgraceful!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Tue 11-Jan-11 18:06:10

If things are that tight, OP, you'll struggle with the costs of applying the plate to your vehicle - and the annual cost also. I'm not sure how much it is currently but it's certainly a lot if money is short.

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