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To not want anything to do with brother's girlfriend?

(11 Posts)
redshinyshoes Mon 10-Jan-11 12:21:57

My younger brother has a Thai girlfriend, he used to live there and met her 2 weeks before he came back to live in the UK, That was 3 years ago and he has been trying to get her a visa for the UK ever since. She managed to come here twice, but on the third attempt the visa agency found out she was lying, she claimed she worked and she didn't. The main problem is that she was also lying to my brother, she told him she was working at a bank, spoke to him daily saying 'she had just finished work' etc so it was a pretty big and on going lie. He finished with her but they have now got back together and he had flown to Vietnam to meet her for a holiday. I have no problem with the fact she is Thai, I lived there myself and had Thai boyfriend for 4 years, it is the fact she is a liar. My brother is young, intelligent and good looking so not your avergae sleazy old sex tourist btw... I really liked her when I met her but now I don't want anything to do with her but I'm worried they are going to get married in order to get her a visa, aibu?

AgentZigzag Mon 10-Jan-11 12:27:38

He's an adult, there's no other way to put it, but it has nothing to do with you.

Lots of people don't like their relatives, if you love your brother you'll have to bite your tongue and support him, whatever he decides - then go home and spill your guts to your DP/H grin

PeeringIntoTheWintryVoid Mon 10-Jan-11 12:30:28

YANBU to feel that, but YABU to let that show to your brother or the girlfriend. He's an adult, and if you want to maintain a good family dynamic, you'll have to keep your views to yourself.

redshinyshoes Mon 10-Jan-11 12:31:42

He's really keen on bringing her round to our house a lot and having lots of family meals/days out when she's here and I just don't feel comfortable with it

gingernutlover Mon 10-Jan-11 12:31:58

exactly what agent zig zag said

YANBU to not want anything to do with her but you cannot tell your borther this, be there for him, and if it all falls apart then support him - nothing else you can do.

We are gpoing through a similar situation with my cousin at the moment sad she got married last Nov

kenobi Mon 10-Jan-11 12:37:51

You need to play the long game. You need to decide, do you want to kick up an enormous fuss by ignoring her and risk alienating your brother for ever, plus any potential kids they have, or wait and see what happens?

My DH's BF is marrying a girl from Venezuela who picked him up in a town square. They have been together for 6 years now. BF's family were horrified at first and assumed she was a gold-digger and kicked up a huge fuss. However BF was in love with this girl so naturally he took her side and relationships with his family are appalling. They have now accepted her but BF has never forgiven them.

He is getting married in V and has not even invited his brother and BF was his brother's best man at his wedding.

The fact is she probably is a gold-digger (though I like her she is very money-obsessed and does not work - no kids) but she makes him happy, she seems happy and frankly that's all that matters.

If you are in love then family disapproval just makes the couple more of a unit against the attacks. It's a really bad tactic.
I strongly suggest you zip your lip if you want an ongoing relationship with them. At most (tactfully) ask her what was going on with the lie.

Takeresponsibility Mon 10-Jan-11 12:40:19

Say nothing to your brother, your relationship is much to precious to jeopardise over this. However you can write anonymously to the British Embassy in Bangkok detailing lies she has told to get previous visas, and anything else that may be relevant (did she work whilst she was here on a visit visa or overstay. These will be considered when any future visa application is taken into account.

redshinyshoes Mon 10-Jan-11 15:13:00

Thanks guys, yep I think I'll keep quiet

redshinyshoes Mon 10-Jan-11 20:51:50

Just wondering if there is anyone who wouldn't dislike her after this? Opinions please!

Lonnie Mon 10-Jan-11 20:58:47

yes I would give her the benefit of the doubt.

Perhaps she was worried your bf thought that she was cheap and easy and because of that she invented a job.

perhaps she was concerned if she didnt appear to have a job then she would be looke down upon?

Perhaps she got caught in something that was meant to be a small something and couldnt get out of it.

stupid of her to lie on visa application but that might be all it is.

I do not think she can be called someone whom will "marry for a visa" if she has been with him for 3 years I think she has proven that she has feelings for him.

She stuffed up yes. but dont assume that because she did she is all bad.

TickettyBoo Mon 10-Jan-11 20:59:49

Not sure you've said anything that would make me think she is "unlikeable" really - clearly your brother thinks alot of her to try so long to get her a visa, forgive the lie and return to her, introduce her to family and be keen for her to be part of the family etc. You haven't said why she lied about the job for example, maybe she had a plausable reason (your brother clearly felt it forgiveable).

I'd go with the flow for now, and then at least you can be there for your brother if things did go wrong in the future x

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