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to now be terrified of giving birth

(43 Posts)
Filibear Mon 10-Jan-11 08:13:40

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xstitch Mon 10-Jan-11 08:23:32

Aw pet its normal to be scared but you will get through it. If there is anything specific you are worried about ask your midwife. Good luck with your new baby.

lucy101 Mon 10-Jan-11 08:24:47

I have been through this myself... but am coming out of the other side now.

I had a particularly tough and upsetting induction... but they aren't that bad for everyone (especially if you are very vocal about needing pain relief and getting it promptly!). You may well not need an induction, and if you did remember that you can have an epidural if it all gets a bit much... but some people do manage on G&A. I don't think you can hold up this woman's experience as a model for what you will experience.

My way of getting through it has been to arm myself with as much knowledge of pain relief and birth (I have a good birth plan that I have discussed in detail with the hospital after my last experience) as possible this time around including knowing the NICE guidelines for giving pain relief etc. My DH is learning lots of this too to support me. I have also started hypnobirthing CD's etc. - it isn't too late too try them!

CarmenSanDiego Mon 10-Jan-11 08:25:36

Filibear, I wonder if you could look into hiring a doula? You may be able to get a volunteer doula if money is a problem.

Having a strong support may make you feel a lot better about things.

Please don't panic. An induced birth is usually more difficult and painful than a spontaneous labour and either way, pain relief is an option if you are not coping well, whether it be a whiff of pethidine or an epidural.

You can and will do it but you don't have to do it on your own.

NoLadyButManyBubbasAndBumps Mon 10-Jan-11 08:29:24

Poor you. FWIW I'm also 38 weeks pg (come and join us on the Due Late January ante-natal thread) but this is my 3rd and I'm still scared. When I was in labour with my 1st there was one woman screaming blue murder next to me, and another who was almost silent throughout - everyone deals with it differently and everyone's pain thresholds are different.

You'll get through it - and when contractions start, just think that each one brings you one step closer to meeting your little one!

tabulahrasa Mon 10-Jan-11 08:29:39

well it's not my favourite thing to do, but I did do it more than once and I'm a big wimp, so it must be do-able, lol

I think it looks worse than it is for most of it as well - after having my two I was with my sister when she had my nephew, that was upsetting, even though I knew exactly what it was like and I know I have much worse memories of it than she does or my own labours...

lindy100 Mon 10-Jan-11 08:35:21

Agree with tabu, I'm not exactly looking forward to it this time around, but you'll be fine. It is a bit different when it's you - and everyone copes differently.

With DD (first child), I was induced and on ante-natal ward for two days and nights before being wheeled off to delivery.

During this time, I was not in much pain, no regular contractions. There was a girl there who was obv having a LOT of trouble coping with the pain, esp at night, so I got little sleep and had to spend pretty much 24/7 (twice) listening to someone in labour, not ideal when I was about to do this myself.

My labour was fine. What I found offensive and difficult was that when anyone mentioned this poor girl to the mws, they rolled their eyes like she was a pain in the bum for them. So inappropriate.

Added to this, when I eventually went into more active labour, there was no room on delivery suite, so I was expected to stay on ante-natal. I only got a side-room when I loudly expressed that expecting me to stay in public was unreasonable and unfair, not only on me, but also on other women behind me in the process.

I agree with whoever said be vocal and deman what you think you should be getting - in my case, I wouldn't have got it otherwise.

deemented Mon 10-Jan-11 08:39:52

Oh love - i totally understand what you mean.

When i was in being induced with DS3 there was a poor kid who was in labour on the antenatal ward - she kept telling the midwives her contractions were getting stronger ect, and they kept saying, yeah, we'l check on you in a bit.. then she went to the loo which was just across from my bed - she sat down and the baby literally fell into the toilet bowl - her screams haunted me for ages.

But she was fine, baby was fine, and you will be too.

sofaqueenie Mon 10-Jan-11 08:45:30

Aw no, I know what you mean, I was just the same as you.

If it helps, I was induced at 39 weeks and it began on a 4 bed ward. It was 3am and I feld that I couldn't make any noise at all, so I just paced the corridor which helped loads. They say when you're induced it brings the labour on quick and hard, but it wasn't like that for me, it was quite a gradual process but everyone's different.

I was lucky as I had the most amazing team of midwifes, so as soon as I said I didn't feel comfortable on the ward they took me off to my labour room. I think I got to 6 cm before asking for an epidural.

Really, I'm the worlds worse wimp when it comes to pain. But I can honestly say it was the best experience of my life and I just cannot wait to do it again!

Good luck with everything, you'll be fine.

PS - I took my ipod in with me, I'm sure you've already thought of that though, but it helped me so much. I think I had Florence and the Machine on!
x

greenbananas Mon 10-Jan-11 08:57:32

It does hurt (!) but it's worth it... Hope all goes well smile

cairnterrier Mon 10-Jan-11 08:58:01

Filibear

When you go into labour, there is a HUGE release of all sorts of hormones which makes us do all sorts of funny things. So some women get very vocal as their way of dealing with pain, but you can't judge the amount of pain they're in by the amount of noise that they're making IYSWIM. For some women, making a loud noise is actually a form of pain relief in itself so she might in a strange way have been making herself feel better.

Also getting upset is very common and again can be a reflection of the huge hormone rush, rather than necessarily distress in itself IYSWIM. So please don't be put off by that lady's response to labour, it's different for all of us and you will be just grand

greenbananas Mon 10-Jan-11 09:03:01

I think it is probably harder to hear somebody else go through labour than to experience it yourself. Once you are in labour you pretty much have no choice but to go on with it so you cope because you have to. I found that it wasn't as bad as I thought it might be... I thought I was a complete wimp with a very low pain threshold but I surprised myself.

I have heard that lots of women reach a stage when they say "I can't do this any more!" just before the baby is actually born (I did!) - so if during your labour you start to despair, remember that it might be a good sign that you're nearly finished!

theevildead2 Mon 10-Jan-11 09:08:44

some women get very vocal as their way of dealing with pain, but you can't judge the amount of pain they're in by the amount of noise that they're making IYSWIM. For some women, making a loud noise is actually a form of pain relief in itself so she might in a strange way have been making herself feel better

I think ninjas do that as well. Maybe try and think of yourself as a ninja OP. I might add a pic of a ninja to my birth plan grin just to focus on.

Portofino Mon 10-Jan-11 09:10:01

I spent 3 weeks on the antenatal ward when dd was born, and was quite often kept awake at night by newly admitted women in labour. I think the experience was entirely different for each and everyone of then. Some would lie in bed and chat, some wanted the curtains drawn and went into the "zone", others still paced up and down the corridor for hours.

And in the morning we would meet up for tea and toast in the breakfast room and admire the new arrivals. Each and everyone of them was fine. I feel all nostalgic thinking about it now. All those little babies will be nearly 7 yo!

Portofino Mon 10-Jan-11 09:12:53

Any MN with babies born in the QEQM in Margate in late Feb 2004, we might have met! grin

Shakirasma Mon 10-Jan-11 09:15:08

I was a bit of a screamer, it helped me cope so it must have sounded much worse than it was.

Don't make your birth plan too inflexible either. I had a plan for my first and I had put that I didn't want an epidural. Then I was induced and cos I put that had to beg them for hours to have one as they thought I might regret it.

Second two labours were natural and I only needed gas and air. Inductions are definitely more painful so you need to remember that when thinking about pain releif.

It's perfectly normal to be scared but I'm sure you will be fine, and it is all worth it in the end!

SlightlyTubbyHali Mon 10-Jan-11 09:23:48

OP, I was on the other side of this with my DD1. I was in early labour, the hospital insisted on me staying and they put me on the ante-natal ward in a room with 3 other women. One of the women I had met before and was on bedrest in the hope of keeping her baby in for as long as possible. So you can imagine what it was like in that room. I tried to keep quiet, but there was nothing to distract me, there was no space in the cubicle to wander around and I was very uncomfortable. I tried quite hard to stifle the noises I was making but it was impossible. Actually, trying to be quiet probably made the labour worse.

Now, here's the thing. I found that labour pretty uncomfortable, but in truth had I not been in the hospital in such early labour I probably would have kept busy and not really noticed it. I hate hospitals and tbh I think my apprehension made it all worse- maybe the girl you heard was like me.

All I can say is, making noise does not equal loads of pain. Your body does incredible things during labour and the noise is not like screaming when you step on lego - it's as though your body does it without you. At one point I remember hearing someone grunting and not realising for a bit that it was me. And also, that labour was not exactly textbook. The fact that I was basically forced to lie down for a lot of it did nothing to help. My second labour was a different story.

And pain really is nothing to be afraid of. Tell yourself sternly that yes, labour does often hurt, but it is often more intensity than pain, than the pain passes and that it will not kill you. You don't need to be afraid, honestly.

Nelly123 Mon 10-Jan-11 09:38:01

Filibear I was induced on a ward with six other women and all were experiencing different stages. I too found it very frightening to be next to a vocal labouring mum (in a lot of pain), whilst waiting to start. Once I was in a delivery room on my own with gas and air I was ok - and I was in labour for a long time. If you are induced, you CAN ask for pain relief, including gas and air. If you start at home you will be a a familiar and comforting environment. Everyone is different and it is normal to be concerned and I wish you well.

Chil1234 Mon 10-Jan-11 09:45:29

When I was in the ante-natal ward trying to avoid high BP etc., a woman in a bed opposite, put down the magazine she was reading, sort of went 'Oh!' and her baby arrived about 5 minutes later. It happened so fast that the labour team were running down the corridor with all their kit and nearly missed it!!

My experience is that .... everyone has a different experience and the hospital staff around you are generally there to help make it a good one. Good luck

Filibear Mon 10-Jan-11 14:24:46

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sparkle101 Mon 10-Jan-11 15:11:32

Filibear

I gave birth just under five months ago, I was absolutely petrified in the run up to my due date. I hate any type of pain, will not go on rollercoasters, have to be sedated for dental treatment - an A+ wimp - that's me!

I can honestly say it was fine. Having spoken to a friend that was a midwife before she said the same as someone else on here said, that the pain is unlike hitting yourself round the head or suchlike but it is a 'positive pain' where every contraction means you are closer to meeting your baby, and when the baby comes out its unlike anything you ever imagined and you will feel like the only woman to have given birth. Ever.

There are plenty of options if the pain gets too much, I can fully recommend the epidural! But gas and air was good too (even DH said so as he had some when the midwife was out the room).

I would do it again. And that says to me it can't have been as bad as I was expecting.

Best of luck.

dinkystinky Mon 10-Jan-11 15:15:49

OP - if you can get your hands on it, I really recommend reading "Childbirth without Fear" by Dick Grantly Read. It explains what is going on in your body - and helps you release some of that fear. Yes, childbirth is abit painful - but the baby you get at the end of it so worth it. Think of it this way - its like doing something which will require you to push yourself (like studying for an exam, running a race). Try and harness that fear and use it in a useful way and hopefully it'll help you feel more in control and less fearful when you come round ot having your little one. And remember, each person's experience of labour is different as we're all individuals.

soggy14 Mon 10-Jan-11 15:16:20

poor you - try not to worry - I've had 3 (one with diamorphine, 2 with just gas and air) and none were that bad and if it does get to bad then you can have an epidural and not feel a thing grin

soggy14 Mon 10-Jan-11 15:17:42

PS - I did scream a lot though with all of them - not because it was really apinful though, more because I found that screaming helped

winnybella Mon 10-Jan-11 15:20:07

Epidural. Before that just go with the flow (ie don't fight against the pain of contractions). But seriously epidural's great.

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