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to feel nothing for my siblings

(52 Posts)
simara Sun 09-Jan-11 20:52:57

I have a younger sister (15) and brother (13) and I literally feel nothing for them. I'm much older (29) and I left home at 18 so they are just people that I see occaisionally. I neither like or dislike them and when I talk to them I feel like we have nothing to talk about. DP says they're my family and so I should care for them but when I think about it if I didn't see them again it wouldn't make any difference to my life.

whoknowswhatthefutureholds Sun 09-Jan-11 20:54:38

how is your relationship with your parent/s? Family can be important but there is no reason why you should have to be close.

simara Sun 09-Jan-11 20:55:24

My relationship with my parents is fairly good

pinkthechaffinch Sun 09-Jan-11 20:55:46

If I were you, I'd try and make more of an effort to form relationships with them. In years to come, when your parents die, you may well appreciate having siblings.

megapixels Sun 09-Jan-11 20:56:33

You don't have to force yourself to care for them, but I think you should make an effort to spend some time with them and get to know them if possible. You don't dislike them so there's nothing to dislike (yet!), you just don't seem to know them well enough to feel a bond to them.

maktaitai Sun 09-Jan-11 20:58:03

Fair enough... but although you are older, they are still quite young. My relationship with my older sister didn't really take off until I left home. It's possible that things may change in the future - perhaps worth doing your best to maintain a relationship, without huge expectations, for a few years yet.

MrsPresley Sun 09-Jan-11 20:59:16

My eldest daughter is 27 and the youngest 9.

Older one had moved out by the time the youngest was born and she often says that although she loves her wee sister she feels more like an auntie than a big sister, so in away I can understand where your coming from but remember while it might not make any difference to your life if you never see them again it might make a big difference to theirs.

huddspur Sun 09-Jan-11 21:05:57

I don't know I've got 2 sisters who are 2 and 5 years older than me and a brother who is 13 years younger than me but I don't know what I'd do without any of them. Try and spend time with them both, you may find that you do have things in common and so cab build a relationship and rapport with them.

CHUNKYMUNKEY Sun 09-Jan-11 21:12:46

i feel the same way about my siblings, i am the youngest and there is an 8 yr, 12 y and 14 yr gap between me and them, my siblings are very close to each other but i feel nothing at all for them, i love my parents though.

For me, 2 of my siblings left home when i was a pre-schooler to live in another country even though they visited on a regular basis i feel nothing but anger for them for doing that as i just don't know them and they were't there for me when i was growing up, nothing will ever change my view of them, i know they regret their decision and feel guilty for breaking us up as a family but the damage is too deep. e

popelle Sun 09-Jan-11 21:19:58

I think you need to make more of an effort to spend time with them. If you haven't got a relationship with them try and form one, you may need them in the future you never know what life might throw at you.

WidowWadman Sun 09-Jan-11 21:22:52

Chunkymunky - your resentment of yopur siblings having moved abroad makes me sad.

I'm the one who moved away (my siblings are older than me, but I have a lovely niece who's 13 years younger than me), and the geographical distance was never seen as breaking up the family. It doesn't have to be if you make the effort to still talk to each other, visit, phone, email etc.

SmethwickBelle Sun 09-Jan-11 21:29:02

Life is Looong. I think where you are in life compared to them doesn't make it unusual to feel you haven't anything in common with them at the moment. I have a brother eight years younger and that seemed insurmountable when he was 14 and at school and I was 22 battling gas bills and relationships. But as the years go on we have more in common. Keep the channels of communication open.

TragicallyHip Sun 09-Jan-11 21:39:36

They are quite young still and the age gap is quite big. Things may improve when they get older and you have more things on common.

I moved out when I was 18 and my youngest brother was 10. I didn't have a great relationship with my parents so only spoke to him once a monthish, didn't have a relationship with him at all which made me quite sad.
He is now 23 and we get along great! Took a while to build that brother/sister friendship but it's there now and I am pleased.

Give it time, you may find they will become great friend in years to come smile

CHUNKYMUNKEY Sun 09-Jan-11 21:43:20

WidowWadman - I am now in my mid-3o's and we have literally nothing to say to each other, it can be quite embarrasing, there are very little shared experiences with them, i just don't have a bond with them or their children.

my dp also has an age gap between his siblings but they lived at home with him and although he doesn't see them often (1 of his siblings is abroad) they have a great bond.

I do find it upsetting am in tears as i type.

reratio Sun 09-Jan-11 22:02:23

OP you're not going to have much in common as you're in different stages of your life but that doesn't mean that you can't spend time together. Take your sister clothes/make-up shopping and take your brother to the cinema etc. Sibling bonds are like golddust don't dismiss them easily

Tramadol Sun 09-Jan-11 22:05:51


UnderTheRadar2212 Sun 09-Jan-11 22:07:38

I feel the same about my Mother.

I'm sick of hearing 'but she's your Mum the only one you will have'..............

You can pick your friends, you can't pick your family is a saying I hear all the time and it's so true.

Just because there's a bloood connection to family, it doesn't mean you're duty bound to like them.

Wilts Sun 09-Jan-11 22:12:20

My sister is 16, I am almost 15 years older than her, I left home at 17 when she was only 2 and my own son is only two years younger than her!

I get on well with her, she does a lot with us as a family and we moan about our mum a lot wink. Maybe as your siblings get a bit older your relationship will improve?

fluffles Sun 09-Jan-11 22:18:31

i have absolutely nothing in common with my brother. he's 7 yrs younger than me. i went to secondary school the year he went to primary and was in uni (away from home) before he'd gone to secondary and we're just really really different people anyway.

we are perfectly polite to each other and spend time together at my parent's house but are not in contact at all the rest of the time.

i am ttc and not sure what kind of relationship my kids will have with their uncle.. he has now got a very chatty and sociable girlfriend who's a bit older than him (between his and my ages) so hopefully that will help if they stay together.

Catnao Sun 09-Jan-11 22:30:58

Don't see any of my brothers. One twin, one two years younger, one ten years younger.

We all have good relationships with our parents - not bad with each other, or good - just not interested.

I see them at Christmas when we all go to see our parents.

That's it.

TragicallyHip Sun 09-Jan-11 22:34:16

Are you saying you don't see your twin Catnao?

Bumblequeen Sun 09-Jan-11 22:37:48

Reasonable for you to have nothing in common as you are so much older.

Unreasonable for you to not be bothered if you never see them again.

Do you love them/care about their well being? Do they receive you?

You should really try to build a relationship with them at a level that feels natural and not forced. As they grow older the age gap will not feel as large as it does now.

Thingumy Sun 09-Jan-11 22:38:29


You don't have to like or be on the same par as your siblings.

Just be amicable when you meet as you would a stranger.

Who made the rule that you should like your family members? It's not set in stone ffs.

Opinionatedfreak Sun 09-Jan-11 22:41:10

We've got a big age gap but not as big as yours (I'm almost 9 years older than my sister).

It is only in the last year or so when she started work (i'm early 30s) that we have developed a more 'adult' sibling relationship.

I would give it some time - you need to be at similar life stages for things to resonate

Spenguin Sun 09-Jan-11 22:41:10

YANBU - I couldn't care one way or the other about my half-sisters (both ten years older than me). I don't speak to them. Just because you share blood doesn't mean anything. Likewise, someone you don't share blood with you can love more than you ever thought possible i.e. DP, DH etc.

However, my half-sisters were nuts. Ahem.

Society just makes you arbitrarily obligated to love people. Pfft. So what?

You don't hate them or abuse them so, no BFD.

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