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AIBU or are my family, for expecting me to fit my birthday plans around them?

(9 Posts)
starsareshining Sat 08-Jan-11 12:57:06

It is my birthday tomorrow and I'd planned to go for a meal with my son, my partner, parents and sister. I'm also going to the cinema with my partner tonight. This happens about twice a year. We see each other most weekends, but that is it. Luckily, as my birthday fell on a weekend this year, I thought it'd be great to have everyone there.

Unfortunately, my sister works on a Sunday, til about half past five. My partner has to get back fairly early, as he starts a new job tomorrow and has to catch a train to that city tonight. It's also my son's first day of pre-school tomorrow, so I'd like him to get to bed by 8 o'clock at the latest. My sister originally offered to get someone else to cover her shift for her so that we could go during the afternoon, which was what I had originally planned.

However, she has now texted telling me that she actually wants the money for this shift (doesn't NEED it, and has plenty of opportunity to work during uni holidays) so seems to be expecting me to go without my partner and keep my son up late. I told her that I can't do it, but if she could do with the money then I don't have a problem with her going to work. Called up my mom to confirm that we will be going in the afternoon, she acted as though I had no right to expect my partner to be there as we're going to the cinema tonight and told me that she'd discuss it with me later, as though I needed her permission to set a time for my birthday meal.

My reasons for having the meal during the afternoon are valid. What the hell are they playing at? I'm feeling really wound up. Especially given that I'm always having to change plans with my parents (which involves rearranging things with my son's dad and then his parents too) so that my dad can give her a lift to wherever she's going that night.

Feeling VERY wound up now.

Plumm Sat 08-Jan-11 12:58:41

YANBU. Do what you want and if they can come, lovely, if not then tough.

compo Sat 08-Jan-11 12:59:21

I think just go to the cinema with your dp for your birthday

StewieGriffinsMom Sat 08-Jan-11 13:03:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hassled Sat 08-Jan-11 13:07:26

I agree - this all sounds overly complicated. Just plan and then do whatever suits you, text them with the details and say it would be great if they could make it, otherwise you'll catch up soon. You're an adult - they need to remember this, but you do too - you don't need their agreement. Just go your own way. And have a happy birthday .

seaweedhead Sat 08-Jan-11 13:11:06

Just plan whatever suits you best and if people can make it great, if they can't- meh, its their loss. Your aim should be just to have a relaxing enjoyable birthday.

Frostyfoxy Sat 08-Jan-11 13:26:05

I agree with the others on here - its their loss and all you are doing is upsetting yourself trying to accomodate them!!

It is my birthday on Monday and this year I have given up trying to organise seeing everyone as they are all "detoxing" "have no money" etc etc after Christmas and so I had my birthday with my parents at New Year when we celebrated Christmas with them (they live about 250 miles away), and then am going for a nice lunch with my dp on Monday whilst ds is in school! Its so much less stressful just to do your own thing and if people can join you then great but if not just have a good time without them!!

redredruby Sat 08-Jan-11 13:33:08

Just adding another YANBU - and agree, stick to the plans that suit you and your ds / partner and enjoy yourself. If your parents join you then great but if not, well screw 'em!

Do you often end up rearranging for your mum / dad and sister? It might be time to make your time and needs a priority!

ENormaSnob Sat 08-Jan-11 13:36:58


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