Advanced search

Can we agree on one thing?

(230 Posts)
Serendippy Fri 07-Jan-11 15:28:40

The simple act of staying at home to look after your children or going out to work does not mean you have the harder life. Some people enjoy their jobs, some don't. Some people enjoy being at home with their children, some don't. So 'going out to work' is not necessarily harder than staying at home and vice versa.

I hate hearing the phrase, 'Being a SAHM is the hardest job' because that is clearly not universally true. If you left a job which you hated with long hours and colleagues you didn't get on with, it can be a relief to be at home. OTOH, if you left a stimulating job with lovely colleagues and friends and that you enjoyed, it could be boring to be at home with children.

Yes, if you go out to work, lots of 'SAHM jobs' still need to be done, but the job of looking after the children during the day is not one of them, you pay someone else to do it. So although it is not a job as in paid employment, it is something that needs to be done by somebody.

I really think that how hard your 'job' is depends on the circumstances.

AIBU to think that we can agree that sweeping statements such as 'I am a SAHM/WOHM so therefore I automatically have the harder life' are not accurate or helpful?

<Has tried her best not to be inflammatory, still dons hard hat>

FabbyChic Fri 07-Jan-11 15:30:10

God if I had been a sahm I'd have lived a beautifully quiet life.

Instead I worked from when my youngest was five weeks old, full time, and when the eldest was just a year old full time, I worked full time until they left college.

FabbyChic Fri 07-Jan-11 15:30:51

Sorry, just to add being a full time working mother is harder, why? Because we still have to do everything else on top of working up to 12 hour days.

usualsuspect Fri 07-Jan-11 15:30:57

Some mums stay at home ...some mums work ..I could never see the big debatedeal on either side really

pagwatch Fri 07-Jan-11 15:31:20

So no then.


swanandduck Fri 07-Jan-11 15:31:50

YANBU. I hate when people decide that other people have a much easier life than them, (unless obviously someone is spending all day sunbathing beside the swimming pool while the cook makes dinner and the nanny tidies all the toys away).

Serendippy Fri 07-Jan-11 15:33:25

FabbyChic I'm pretty sure I said that neither was automatically harder, that it depended on individual circumstances. Do you think every working mother has it harder than every mother at home?

I was trying to come in the name of peace and I've buggered it up already!

pagwatch Fri 07-Jan-11 15:34:38

Fabby. That is your experience. It was not mine.

I have worked, been a working mum and be a sahm.
They are all hard for different reasons. My first two years of being a sahm were the hardest. But I would not extrapolate my experience to every other woman. That would be stupid and arrogant.

Op . I agree with you. But people want to spout generalities for reasons I can never fathom.

Serendippy Fri 07-Jan-11 15:34:46

swanandduck that person would have a much easier life, but not simply by virtue of being a SAHM.

Does anyone enjoy their job more than they would enjoy staying at home?

MargaretGraceBondfield Fri 07-Jan-11 15:35:11

FabbyChic Fri 07-Jan-11 15:30:51
"Sorry, just to add being a full time working mother is harder, why? Because we still have to do everything else on top of working up to 12 hour days."

Seems you missed the point of the OP.

giyadas Fri 07-Jan-11 15:36:17

YANBU. I always steer clear of those debates, I always think it's playing into the hands of the DM and other women-hating forces of evil. <dramatic>

MargaretGraceBondfield Fri 07-Jan-11 15:36:23

SEren....according to the plentiful SAHM/WOHM threads loads of people have a choice on whether they work or not, within reason, and clearly some people absolutely love their work and wouldn't feel complete without it.

moomiemoo Fri 07-Jan-11 15:37:05

I knew what you were saying serendippy and totally agree.

swanandduck - managing staff can be so tiresome you know grin

Serendippy Fri 07-Jan-11 15:38:09

moomiemoo grin

EricNorthmansMistress Fri 07-Jan-11 15:40:07

Does anyone enjoy their job more than they would enjoy staying at home?

Yes - me grin

thumbwitch Fri 07-Jan-11 15:40:51

nice try serendippy! grin
I agree with you, btw.

ChickensAreFlyingUnderTheRadar Fri 07-Jan-11 15:41:19


Onetoomanycornettos Fri 07-Jan-11 15:45:58

Serendippy, I like my job more than staying at home. I don't work just for the money (though I do love that) but because it's interesting and fulfilling and occupies my brain and now I have two school-age children, I have the opportunity. I would work even if I won the lottery, but I would hire a housekeeper, because I recognise all those tasks have to be done, and I would rather they were not done (badly) by me or my not very good at them husband.

Serendippy Fri 07-Jan-11 15:54:14

If I won the lottery, I would not go to work and would hire a housekeeper and would probably hire a nanny for a large part of the week. grin

NorwegianMoon Fri 07-Jan-11 15:59:09

why is there a need to say it one is definatly harder than the other? its just down to how you as an individual are coping in your situation.

I can say im finding this the hardest thing in the world and not one of you will have the right to tell me it isnt, because its how im finding it not you.

curlymama Fri 07-Jan-11 16:00:40

I agree.

swanandduck Fri 07-Jan-11 16:03:45

I agree too. People should not make assumptions that people who go out to work have it soooo easy because they get to talk to adults all day and have coffee breaks etc.

Neither should people who go out to work assume that SAHMs are at the park all afternoon or watching Meg and Mog DVDs.

Hassled Fri 07-Jan-11 16:06:26

Here here (or is it hear hear? I've never known - neither make sense) to the OP.

I've done both - I worked FT with oldest DCs, then went PT, then was SAHM, now very PT. It's swings and roundabouts all the way - good and bad bits to each one.

Serendippy Fri 07-Jan-11 16:07:44

Don't worry Hassles I've never known either! I will accept them both...

thumbwitch Fri 07-Jan-11 16:08:10

hear hear, Hassled - it kind of does make sense in that you are saying that you hear what the OP is saying and agree (you heard it with both ears! wink)

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: