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DP being useless........or not?

(9 Posts)
support Thu 06-Jan-11 23:17:31

I found a breast lump before christmas, and have an appointmant at clinic next week for all tests. Its a really worrying time, but I am trying not to panic. My (female) DP is understandably worried too, but keeps crying and getting upset, and drinking.
I just want to scream at her "FFS pull yourself together, we don't know anything yet, and god forbid if it is anything, how much bloody good are u gonna be?".

I have tried to address this in a calm state, but she gets upset.

AIBU to be annoyed, or unsympathetic to her concerns?

Katisha Thu 06-Jan-11 23:24:14

Is she usually like this when there's some sort of crisis? ie is it fairly typical behaviour but maybe made worse by the particular health scare?

FabbyChic Thu 06-Jan-11 23:26:11

Hey I had a lump years ago, was a cyst, I was seen the next day though, and it was removed a week later, that's private health care for you.

Am sure you be fine, fingers crossed for you.

I think your partner is to be fair being a tad unsupportive and should be there to listen to you and not the other way around.

support Thu 06-Jan-11 23:58:36

Katisha - She usually does drink when there is a crisis, which is ok, but she is just being a pain now, and I dont feel like tolerating it for this one. And she gets all arsey when she's had too much, and I am not in the mood for provoked arguments.

StuffingGoldBrass Fri 07-Jan-11 00:00:32

She does sound a bit useless. It's you with the breast lump, after all, and by getting pissed and yowling and yammering, she's making it all about her.

tallwivglasses Fri 07-Jan-11 00:02:03

Maybe when she's sober you should say what you'd like to scream at her?

You know her. Do you think she'd respond to a wake-up call?

support Fri 07-Jan-11 00:04:25

I have tried to talk to her sober, but when she's not drinking and starting arguments, shes sobbing about the (most unlikely) outcome. Thank God that we know on monday, or I would have to kill her!

tallwivglasses Fri 07-Jan-11 00:11:16

Hope you've got some other RL support - looks like you're going to need it!

purplepidjin Fri 07-Jan-11 00:19:21

My (male) DP gets like this in a crisis (nothing as potentially serious as yours) not with the drinking but he gets really short tempered. We are now building a list of strategies for him to use when I go into meltdown (anxiety and depression mean I occasionally start sobbing for no reason hmm) He just doesn't cope unless he is physically doing something to help - so he is so far on hot chocolate making and tissue buying duties. Ooh, and foot rubs grin

Could you make a list of the things you need her to do for you? Could be anything, and doesn't have to actually help, just keep her occupied.

The other side of me is telling me she's a bit effing useless and wondering if the relationship is worth the effort if the drink is more important than talking to you... sad

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