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In wanting an unassisted childbirth

(268 Posts)
xfirsttimemummyx Thu 06-Jan-11 14:59:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

charliesmommy Thu 06-Jan-11 15:02:36

I would think it risky. Would rather be close to expert medical intervention if needed.

tyzer2001 Thu 06-Jan-11 15:05:00

Whilst I don't think you are necessarily BU, I do think you're being a little bit idealistic and perhaps it might be unfair to your DH to place him in such a position of responsibility.

Indith Thu 06-Jan-11 15:05:44

I do understand you desire but it is one thing it being unplanned and quite another to plan it (is it not illegal for someone to act a midwife if the situation is planned?).

You can still have that sort of birth. You can ask for a home birth, it will be attended by a midwife but she will keep to the background unless she is needed. You or dp can still catch your baby and cut the cord, you would just have someone there and the equipment there if needed.

ShowOfHands Thu 06-Jan-11 15:06:15

You can share a beautiful moment at home with a trained professional in the corner, quietly observing.

I am as lentil weavery, knit your own porridge as they come. If I'd tried for an unassisted delivery, both dd and I would be dead.

Not worth the risk.

bronze Thu 06-Jan-11 15:06:19

You could have a private midwife and ask her not to assist unless necessary. To not have someone trained with you is irresponsible in my opnion.

BitOfFun Thu 06-Jan-11 15:07:07

I think you are being overly romantic. The bond a baby has with its parents is not affected by who touched them first etc. I am sure you could find an independent midwife who would be sensitive to your feelings though, but it is a bit daft to not plan for any assistance in a process where the stakes are so high when something does go wrong, even if you judge that to be fairly unlikely.There is no guarantee that the cord won't be round the baby's neck, or it have an awkward presentation etc. Not all births are the same.

gramercy Thu 06-Jan-11 15:08:36

It could be a "beautiful moment" or it could be your worst nightmare.

As some eminent doctor said, "It's the baby's birth, not the mother's" .

Home birth, fine. But I'd make sure there was some expert help on hand.

Earthakitten Thu 06-Jan-11 15:08:57

I know someone who had a first birth very like your first birth. Her second child was much larger and the baby had shoulder dystocia and nearly died.

They did get him out but it was very close.

If your DH well practised in the McRoberts manoeuvre?

Indith Thu 06-Jan-11 15:10:26

Doesn't have to be a private MW to have that experience (I know nobody has said it has to be but there are a couple of posts now saying private). Both of my births have been at home with NHS MWs. First was quite hands on because I was totally out of it and needed to be prompted. Second one the MW just sat by the pool and watched. I know there are bad stories around but it tends to be the bad that is talkled about, there is a lot of good on the NHS too.

SantaObsession Thu 06-Jan-11 15:10:33

YANBU in thinking about it but agree with bronze & BoF that it would be best to have someone trained on standby as you never know what's going to happen. Is your DH as keen as you to have an unassisted delivery?

Rocky12 Thu 06-Jan-11 15:10:47

Think you are being too dreamy, your OH is NOT medically qualified and the responsibility on him would be immense...

The private midwife option is a great idea but is likely to cost between £2500-£3000, no two births are the same.

mousesma Thu 06-Jan-11 15:12:44

Agree with the other posters, its not stupid to want as little intervention as possible but it would be irresponsible not to have the backup in case something went wrong.

Hopefully your next birth will be as straightforward as your first and you won't need the midwife to intervene but you can't guarantee this so it's best to be prepared.

ENormaSnob Thu 06-Jan-11 15:13:11

Yabu and unrealistic.

NewYearNewPants Thu 06-Jan-11 15:13:40

Get a midwife out. If you deliver quickly and easily, she will sod off pretty quickly anyway and you can have your dreamy little family time smile

Its not worth playing with life/death, basically. Birth shouldn't be medicalised, ideally, no, and it really doesn't need to be if you are going for a homebirth. But equally, why turn down the chance to have medical help on hand, should you or your baby need it?

Think this through.

xfirsttimemummyx Thu 06-Jan-11 15:14:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LetThereBeRock Thu 06-Jan-11 15:15:17

Yes it's a bloody stupid idea imho. And I feel even more strongly that it is after reading the experience of a woman on another forum I partake on,whose second born died because there was no one to assist with the birth,other than her partner,and she'd had a perfectly normal pregnancy up until then.

Homebirths are fine imho,so long as there's no complications in pregnancy,but this really isn't worth the risk.

orangutangerine Thu 06-Jan-11 15:15:56

I had an unassisted homebirth (in water) but the midwife was there. She just sat at my kitchen table with a cuppa and a biscuit filling in forms. I told her I didn't want any intervention unless I asked for it. I didn't - I talked her through what was happening and DH picked DD out of the water as soon as she'd popped out. The midwife didn't even get out of her chair!

You can still have the birth you dream of but with the knowledge that, if something were to happen, a professional is there to guide you through.

lillibet1 Thu 06-Jan-11 15:17:26

no your not but your DP will be committing a crime!!!

ENormaSnob Thu 06-Jan-11 15:20:47

What are you on about re turning a back to back baby? Are you confusing it with a breech?

NewbeeMummy Thu 06-Jan-11 15:22:58

I think everyone has pretty much said what is needed, no problem in wanting a home birth but I think it is irresponsible not to have a trained professional on hand in case you need it.

I wanted a Home birth to start, but changed my mind to go to the hospital, and I'm glad I did, DD was two weeks late, had to be induced, and then got stuck, had an emergency c-section, and lost a lot of blood, very likely that both or one of us would not be here if I'd not been in hospital.

as an aside, I don't think you can have a home birth if you're overdue anyway, so if your lo comes late, you'll have to go to hospital.

EdgarAleNPie Thu 06-Jan-11 15:24:33

you can have a MW there and ask her to do nothing unless medically necessary - fair compromise?

Many problems that happen at birth are readily correctable by a calm MW but would completely stump a panicking parent.

Haribojoe Thu 06-Jan-11 15:24:53

IMO it is unreasonable (but that is just my personal opinion.

I understand and can appreciate the sort of birth you have had. Have you actually discussed your wishes with community midwives/supervisors of midwives in your area.

You should find that there is a way that your wishes can be respected and fulfilled without you birthing completely without qualified backup IFSWIM.

It's wonderful that you are motivated to have a non-interventionist birth but things can sometimes go wrong (despite previous straighforward births).

I have certainly attended homebirths where I have done little more than "be around" as that is what the woman wished.

xfirsttimemummyx Thu 06-Jan-11 15:25:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brownbug78 Thu 06-Jan-11 15:26:08

Whilst "shoddy midwifery" and "poor manners" are not very nice, they are a darn sight nicer than being in a position where something goes wrong, and you have no medical back up to consult with.

The minutes it takes for your husband to call 999 and get an ambulance to you if there are, God forbid, serious complications, could be absolutely CRUCIAL.

Whilst you may feel that it only needs to be you and your husband, the reality is that although women have been giving birth unassisted for thousands of years, those women and/or their children frequently died. I know that if I had given birth even a hundred years ago, both my son and I would be dead.

It was only in the middle of the 20th century that we started to see infant mortality rates drop (this is in Western cultures, btw - in some parts of Africa, 1 in 8 women still die in childbirth because of lack of adequate medical care).

By all means have as private a birth experience as you can have WITH a qualified midwife hiding in the other room should she be needed.

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