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To feel a bit hurt?

(8 Posts)
madonnawhore Thu 06-Jan-11 12:17:26

I probably am BU but because I have no experience of being a new mum, I can't help but take it a bit personally.

My friend of a few years recently had a baby. We are/were pretty close, I like her enormously and am delighted that she's recently had a baby as I know she wanted to be a mum for a long time.

So far, all good.

Except for the fact that she now never returns my texts or calls. Obviously she is having her mind blown by her new DS and I'm the last thing she's worried about, but I can't help but feel a little bit upset and rejected that my Christmas and new years texts and voicemail have gone completely unacknowledged.

I have loads of childless friends so it's not that she was my only mate or anything, I guess I'm just paranoid that I'm going to lose this friendship to the 'mummy abyss' and it's hard to keep making the effort in the face of constantly being ignored (even if it's for a perfectly god reason).

Can anyone give me some perspective from the other side of this situation please?

madonnawhore Thu 06-Jan-11 12:19:17

*good reason, obvs

charliesmommy Thu 06-Jan-11 12:21:35

could her phone have been cut off?

I didnt pay my phonebill last month and couldnt make any calls out with it until I sorted it out.

TheProvincialLady Thu 06-Jan-11 12:21:55

She may have no time or no energy. For the moment friendships - and especially friendships with childless folk who can't understand what she is going through - might be last on a very long list of priorities. I know I spent the first 6 months of DS1's life in a fug of exhaustion. I barely spoke to my husband, let alone my old friends.

If you want to maintain this friendship then give her plenty of space, don't hassle her or make her feel bad for not replying to your texts, and maybe offer some practical help like "Can I come and visit you and bring lunch with me, or would you prefer to come here and be waited on hand and foot? I would love to cuddle your baby for a little while if you are ready for that sort of thing"

Indith Thu 06-Jan-11 12:22:55

Just stick in there. Give her a ring sometimes rather than a text. Trouble is when you ahve a new baby you are in a complete baby fog. You get a text, read it, put the phone down to feed the baby and completely forget. You spend your evenings on the sofa feeling knackered with a baby hanging off your breasts/squealing while you make up a bottle and you kind of wish someone would ring and actually talk to you or that someone would pop over with a cake abd make you a cup of tea and chat but nobody does because they don't want to catch you at a bad time. If you are wobbly with a touch of the blues or perhaps PND then replying to texts becomes something that is actually very difficult to do. Call her, pop round, be there

Niecie Thu 06-Jan-11 12:24:14

You are BU but I think you know that.

You don't say when the baby was born but she is probably sleep deprived and worn out. You can, quite literally not have time to get dressed some days, let alone have time to mess about with her phone. Having a baby can really turn your entire life upside down. You can't imagine what it is like until it happens to you. I know people say that and it sounds a bit like an excuse but you really can't.

Give it time. Eventually she will come out the new baby mist. It might take a while - it depends on her baby as much as anything, but it will happen eventually. Stick with it, let her know you are there for her but don't expect much in return for the time being and you will be happier.

Milngavie Thu 06-Jan-11 12:25:07

I had this with one of my friends. We had our dc 6 weeks apart ( my 4th her 2nd) and at first all was well.

Then she admitted to screening her calls and soon after I could never get an answer. I can take a hint so left her alone.

Two years later we started talking again but I am very wary and our dc are now 4.

MrsBonkers Thu 06-Jan-11 12:27:07

I find that much as I want to talk about non-baby things I have NOTHING to say. My entire life has been taken over by my little one.
I don't go out, I don't go to work (still on mat' leave,) I don't get to watch tv - and I only get to shower a couple of times a week!!!! AND I'm trying to live on a damn sight less money than when I was being paid.

My DD is 6 months old and I know I've been a really shit friend to a few people.
Don't take it personally.

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