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Tips on how to cope with 3 month house guest!

(41 Posts)
DitzyLiz Thu 06-Jan-11 09:20:52

DP has very kindly offered his cousin (who lives abroad)a place to stay in our house whenever he comes to the UK to visit.

This in itself is fine, except that we have a tiny house with no spare room so he is staying in our living room and it's a PITA.

He's currently here for two weeks, which is ok, but will be here for 3 months in the summer, and I know i will end up wanting to kill somebody!

He's considerate when he's here, and it's not his fault we don't have the space, but I just feel put upon because I wasnt really asked before my DP offered. It was more of a 'I have told X he can come stay with us whenever he likes, I hope that's ok?'. Argh how can i bloody say no to that when you have already told him???

DP feels obliged I think as the cousins family (who all live abroad now) have been very good to him in the past, and are actually lovely people, and there really isnt anywhere else for his cousin to stay.

So I know I cant say no, and dont really want to because his family are all so nice, but wondered if anyone had any advice on how not to go mad during the 3 months???

ZacharyQuack Thu 06-Jan-11 09:24:26

Can you look for alternative accomodation for him (or you wink) before the summer?

mousymouse Thu 06-Jan-11 09:27:30

do you have a tent for the garden ?
can you plan your holiday so he could house sit?

marlowwills Thu 06-Jan-11 09:28:20

When you say tiny, just how tiny?

Could your children double up, do you have a landing large enough to accomodate a folding bed, do you have a loft space you could adapt?

Two days is about as long as I can handle houseguests in their own room, I certainly couldn't put up with someone sleeping in my sitting room for 3 months! And it's not really fair on him, to have no privacy imo.

OTheHugeManatee Thu 06-Jan-11 09:29:28

Weekends away without him?

TBH I don't have much advice, I'm fair territorial and would be furious in your situation regardless of how nice the cousin.

DitzyLiz Thu 06-Jan-11 09:30:26

Lol I was thinking a 3 month long summer vacation would be nice! In reality though, I doubt he could afford to pay for accommodation for that length of time and nobody else in the family have a spare room either.

I just know Im going to end up taking my space frusttration out on him when its not his fault at all!

narkypuffin Thu 06-Jan-11 09:30:42

Can you move the DC/s into your room? Depending on ages it might be easier to deal with if he has his own room.

If they're already in with you ... move?

ANTagony Thu 06-Jan-11 09:35:40

Do you have a loft?

We used to have family stay from all over for extended periods and used to create a room in the loft. We boarded out a section (not expensive), tented (using drawing pins) over the beams using old sheets and put power up there to enable a table lamp etc to be used. It was by no means the whole loft just a section at the top of the ladder with the rest of our stuff pushed and stacked around.

Alternatively do you have any universities near by - they sometimes let out their halls rooms for the summer months at very reasonable rents.

DitzyLiz Thu 06-Jan-11 09:35:54

Moving is definitely not an option and no other way to squeeze another room!

Im glad other people have agreed they too would find it hard as I was feeling a little bad for dreading it!

He has not been here much during the day as has a gf and friends to visit. i guess my only option I need to learn to be more sharing for the summer!

DitzyLiz Thu 06-Jan-11 09:37:32

The loft is a good idea actually, might talk to DP about that later on and see how viable it would be for us.

turkeyboots Thu 06-Jan-11 09:38:14

We had loads of long term guests on the sofa when DH and I first moved to London. Longest was 3 months, and only worked as we hardly saw him. He went to work at 6am and came home at 10pm. He worked some weekends and found others to visit on others.

Can you farm him out to others at weekend? They must have sofas too!

Serendippy Thu 06-Jan-11 09:38:25

I do not have any advice, just wanted to asy I feel your pain and you are a very generous person. This would make me cry, I really value my space at home. You are a better woman than me, just keep repeating like a mantra, 'I am a better woman than most' for 3 months...

DitzyLiz Thu 06-Jan-11 09:44:15

Yes I think Im going to have to strongly encourage his visiting of friends overnight without making him feel unwanted!!

Thank you serendippy! I may repeat that mantra to DP in the hope of getting a few treats during his stay

ohmeohmy Thu 06-Jan-11 09:49:46

can he stay with the girlfriend?

PlanetEarth Thu 06-Jan-11 09:54:38

I can't imagine he will really be comfortable sleeping in someone's living room for 3 months either! Why is he here for 3 months - that's a long time if it's a holiday. If he will be working, can't he pay for somewhere? If he's visiting people (who, if his family are all abroad?), can't he stay with some of them?

LadyGlencoraPalliser Thu 06-Jan-11 09:58:17

Is he a reliable, sensible sort of person? You could ask around and see if neighbours or friends who are going away on holiday would like someone reliable to pet/house sit for them. I know I would love to have someone live in and look after my cats when I am on holiday.

DitzyLiz Thu 06-Jan-11 09:58:27

His girlfriend lives with her parents so not sure whether theyre uncomfortable having him stay more than the odd night or what (they are both only 18).

He is a student so 3 months is his summer holiday and he wont be working whilst here. He has only just moved away recently so thats why his friend and gf are in the UK.
Also he moved away with immediate family, so extended family still here

MatureUniStudent Thu 06-Jan-11 10:01:56

With the greatest respect - are you mad? Put your foot down. What a cheek, no matter how nice he or his family is, to think that living in your sitting room, of a small house, with children in it, is acceptable. I know in other countries others don't have that luxury of space, but we do and if he wants to visit for 3 months, there is always the YMCA etc. (sorry to sound harsh but your family and your relationship must come first)

narkypuffin Thu 06-Jan-11 10:03:17

Prepare as much as you can before he arrives. If you can put him up for 3 months without a spare room your relatives could surely do a weekend or too? Knowing that you'll have a break will help you stay sane.

You don't have a spare room but if you can provide storeage for his clothes it would mean he can pack his case away.

I'd also try to set a routine early on, so that you clear off and leave him to it at the same time of night, and knock on the door with a cup of tea at the same time in the morning- if you're in during the day- to avoid you ending up stuck in the kitchen.

DitzyLiz Thu 06-Jan-11 14:18:39

No DC so that's not a worry.

Thanks narkypuffin thats the type of advice I was looking for! I have provided storage space so at least his things arent lying around and we bought a bed that can be put up during the night and stored away during the day.

gramercy Thu 06-Jan-11 14:24:19


He will be with you for three months and not working? He'll just be hanging round the house? Do you have to feed him and do his washing too?

Can you not ask that he does your cleaning/laundry/garden in return for his keep?

ByThePowerOfGreyskull Thu 06-Jan-11 14:32:07

I would be quite clear and up front about things.
"lovely to have you here, we are going to have loads of fun, need to set out a few things with you to we can all feel comfortable whilst you are here"
phrases like "for us it would be helpful if you could x y or z"

you mention that he is only 18 so he will potentially need some care as well as a roof over his head, I think that setting things out for you all will be good for you all.

Good luck !

EminentlyImminent Thu 06-Jan-11 14:37:15

Would you trust him and gf to babysit depending on age of your DC? Could you console yourself with planning some treat nights out for when he's here (your summer holiday!)

beanlet Thu 06-Jan-11 14:41:30

God. He's 18 -- he can couch surf for free. Or he can come over on a working holiday visa, get a bar job, and live in a cheap hostel. There is no reason he has to live with you, at least not the whole time.

TheSydenhamSet Thu 06-Jan-11 14:44:19

beanlet i literally just scrolled down to suggest he couch surfs and seen you'd suggested that already! it's freee!

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