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to think that people should exercise a smidgon of sef control when baosting about their offspring?

(51 Posts)
MilliONaire Wed 05-Jan-11 21:37:04

I know someone who just cannot control themselves when talking about their children - seriously she says things like 'isn't she the most beautiful child you have EVER, EEEEEEEEEEVER seen?', 'aren't her lips just gorgeous', doesn't she have the most beautiful hair you have ever seen?' 'She is so smart and clever and in touch with my feelings (really, she actually said this' hmm) Err.....no, I have a dd too and naturally I think MY dd is the most beautiful child in the world - I'm hardly likely to agree with you that your's is am I?

Even having a conversation with her is hard as she is forever putting words in your mouth about her child, she whips out her phone mid conversation to start showing you photos and immediately starts with the 'don't you think she is like an angel in this shot? Aren't her eyes just fabulous, doesn't she have the cutest nose etc etc' It has the opposite effect on me and I actually want to tell her the truth - the child is really not a looker - but how can you actually say this? She is decidedly odd looking. I have wondered if the mum is overcompensating, but have now come to the conclusion that the old saying 'a mother's love is blind' grin

I could not go on and on about my dd like that - the facebook updates are unbelievable!

The thing is I have known her forever and normally get on very well with her.

Anyone else unable to stop themselves boasting continuously?

MilliONaire Wed 05-Jan-11 21:37:54

oops typing too fast - sorry for typos!! Where's spellcheck when I need it?

curlymama Wed 05-Jan-11 21:40:46

Sounds to me like she is overcompensating for her insecurities about herself. It's lovely that she adores her child, but this is likely to be a little girl put under so much pressure as she grows up that she is likely to combust. Her Mother wants to liver her life, and validate her own existance through her child. Not healthy.

Summerbird73 Wed 05-Jan-11 21:42:53

yep my friend is a speech therapist and naturally her DS is doing rather well with his speech (both our babbas are 18mo) she keeps telling me how well he is doing and how it is all down to her that he is 'speaking in sentences now!'

whilst my DS is sat there babbling away in googoogaganess grin

i actually LEFT facebook as one of the many reasons was i got sick of her status updates about him eating with chopsticks when he was 7 months old and will no doubt be passing his GCSEs when he is 5 yada yada yada

PaisleyLeaf Wed 05-Jan-11 21:55:25

LOL I know one like this too (and I think she is actually, probably, insecure).

You know it's something I've actually been feeling bad about sometimes, as, my DD can often be within earshot when this mum is bragging to me about 'her DD this, her DD that', and I keep pretty shtum - I wonder if I should be bigging my own DD up a bit.
I do tell my DD I'm proud of her, I just hope she doesn't feel inferior to 'her nibs' because of hearing the boasting.

BeerTricksPotter Wed 05-Jan-11 21:55:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HumphreyCobbler Wed 05-Jan-11 21:58:21

I met someone like this at soft play the other day.

He demonstrated his two year old's reading prowess by getting her to read Waitrose on DD's apple juice carton. Then told me how many words she had at one, 18months etc.

I thought people like this were a myth until that moment tbh.

TandB Wed 05-Jan-11 21:58:32

Beertrickspotter - that is frightening.

[remembers DS trying to walk on his head today and worries about what will happen if she is one of those people]

manicbmc Wed 05-Jan-11 21:58:39

And this is why I stopped bothering with Bounty grin

'I'm worried about my 3yr old being too clever for her nursery class'

'Which Russian novelist should my 7 yr old read next?'

etc.... ad nauseam

singingcat Wed 05-Jan-11 21:59:58

Don't take it too seriously - I don't think most people really mean that their child is objectively the best ever

I used to be like this about my cat (he is amazing tho)

manicbmc Wed 05-Jan-11 22:01:04

Cat's are amazing generally.

singingcat Wed 05-Jan-11 22:02:45

No but mine is really special. He is so cute that he could be, like, a cat model

And he purrs all the time, and is really cuddly

And can predict the stockmarket

singingcat Wed 05-Jan-11 22:03:05

Doh. Doing it again.

AntonDuBurk Wed 05-Jan-11 22:04:07

Having been truly fleeced after just having to buy every shot from my DCs recent nursery photo shoot I did say to DH: "I suppose most people don't have this problem as their children aren't nearly as cute as ours".

Fortunately I am a hardened old cynic and was (mostly) taking the piss.

PMSL at "I used to be like this about my cat". Me too actually - mine is pretty fab too. And (apart from the odd dead bird) much less hassle than the kids grin

cfc Wed 05-Jan-11 22:05:43

My dog is amazing. He can tip toe. Swear to God, only dog I've ever seen actually tip toe into a room when he's out of favour for some reason (usually theiving a melton mowbray, he fecking loves those pies).

cfc Wed 05-Jan-11 22:06:33

thieving!!

FFS blush

HumphreyCobbler Wed 05-Jan-11 22:07:21

Although DH did once return from a babygroup he had taken DD to when I was ill and stated that "It was embarrassing."
"Why?"
"well DD was just SO MUCH CUTER than the other children, it was embarrassing"

gringrin

He is sat next to me maintaining that it was true though.

MilliONaire Wed 05-Jan-11 22:07:24

Oh thank god I am not alone smile

It is so difficult to know how to handle it though, isn't it?

I find the dynamic of the conversation is totally different to the usual give and take with other, less 'gushing' friends, and I very often find myself keeping very quiet about dd because it's hard not to make it seem like a competition (which it is NOT) but you know, I never really know what to say to the millionth anecdote about her dd - to throw one in about my dd (who is older than her's) feels like an unnatural tit-for-tat and I can't figure out why really. We don't see each other very often (distance) but do rely on phone/text/facebook for keeping in contact. I have often felt irrationally irritated by her photo captions when she updates photos. And I know that I am not being nice when I feel like this.

PaisleyLeaf, I know exactly where you are coming from there - I too have wondered if I should just up the ante on the bigging dd up as I sort of feel disloyal in a weird way when I am agreeing for the 100th time how AMAZING the other child is (in fairnesss the dd's are rarely with us when we do get to meet and are too young for facebook)

I guess I just feel a bit put out at never, ever being able to offer a GENUINE compliment as she has already put the words in my mouth. Sigh.

overthehillmum Wed 05-Jan-11 22:09:48

my ex sister in law told me her daughter was going to go to university as she was so clever, this was when she was 3, she is now 21 and works in Matalan...(no shame in that) but the ex sis-in-law is still telling people that she is on a gap year before she starts Uni, she left school at 17, sometimes the deluding never stops!!!!

poshsinglemum Wed 05-Jan-11 22:24:23

I think that boastoing about one's kids is the one kind of boasting that is forgivable.

We should all think that our kids are better than everyone elses! grin

However;We shouldn't always say it. I do hate it when people are overly vocal about this.

ComeAlongPond Wed 05-Jan-11 22:25:29

I know a woman like that, overthehillmum! Her son is the same age as me, we went to primary school together. She's always been this way. Her son's now at Oxford Brookes uni. You'd never believe it:

"Oh, did you know, Toby's at university in Oxford. Oxford, yes. Oxford."

"Oh, Oxford University? Well done him!"

"Um, Oxford... <whisper, mumble> Brookes... in Oxford, yes!"

Nothing wrong with Oxford Brookes, but she's always trying to make out it's Oxbridge, which it is not.

Feel a bit sorry for the son, actually. It must be hard to know your mother thinks your true achievement is inadequate.

singingcat Wed 05-Jan-11 22:36:09

How ridiculous! Why wouldn't you just say Oxford Brookes? Because when you say Oxford, the next question is always 'which college'? So you're going to have to say it sooner or later.

ComeAlongPond Wed 05-Jan-11 22:48:35

"Why wouldn't you just say Oxford Brookes?"

Because she is absolutely fruit loop.

She also came round - PURPOSELY - to our house to 'let us know' that her daughter (who was about 13 if I recall correctly, I was 15) had started her period. And that it was a bit embarassing for her as she was on holiday with a friend and her family but it was all right because the mother bought her some sanitary towels, and hopefully she'd grow some boobs now because she (the DD) was embarassed in Marks and Spencer buying bras so hopefully she'd be used to it soon and wouldn't be embarassed anymore.

Bonkers.

singingcat Wed 05-Jan-11 22:51:10

PMSL at period announcement. She sounds mad as cheese

TattyDevine Wed 05-Jan-11 23:50:06

Oh her poor kids.

My mum was a bit like that. Okay she wouldn't have made a period announcement like it was a milestone/achievement, but she was incredibly indiscrete and an open book so things like that did get discussed with friends. Okay so its probably normal enough to perhaps mention personal things about your kids with a good close friend but my mum would kinda tell anyone who listened.

She's still like that. When I was pregnant, I had numerous quite serious medical issues, none of them particularly personal I suppose but when the baby was 10 months I went over there (she lives abroad) and did a party thing and all her old cronies were there to see the baby. Well, it was clear that every single one of them had been treated to daily twitter style updates about my various medical woes because they all seemed to know all the details. Sigh.

Also, she'd boast shamelessly about us to her friends, but there was a slightly sinister edge to it because she wouldn't actually congratulate or praise us. We would get it 3rd hand back via her friends "gee, your mother is so proud of you, she was tickled pink about the *" etc but you never got any genuine feedback or praise and as paranoid teenagers it did leave you feeling a bit pointless.

Even to this day, if I tell her some good news she seems more intent on scribbling down the details than just absorbing it and being pleased about it (asking for spelling of husband's new company or whatever) and you just know its so she can get the details right for a bloody round robin email boast. Its got to the point where I dont report much to her at all.

Its just in her nature, she means well, its her way of enjoying us. But I feel she's never quite in the moment but viewing it through the potential eyes of the people she might tell.

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