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Stealth feuding

(4 Posts)
ItsMeYourCathy Wed 05-Jan-11 18:25:15

Long story but I'll do you the favour of not adding the minutae..

BIL and his GF do not speak to my PIL. No-one is exactly sure why, some 'offence' was taken by my BIL and he cut my PIL off about a year ago. IMO, he has always been self absorbed and immature (he's 35) and I can't say I'm that concerned that he doesn't bother with us. I feel sad that my husband hasn't got a rshp with his bro though.
What annoys me is the bloody 'stealth feuding' that's going on - all being really upset / hurt / annoyed with eachother but nobody saying anything about it or trying to sort it out. I'm 28 wks pg and I don't want this to continue to the point where there is any negativity or awkwardness when visiting my son etc. I'd like him to have a reasonably happy extended family hmm.
AIBU to think that as adults they should sort it out? Isn't life too short for this??WWYD?
I speak to the BIL and GF in a normal, friendly way when I see them- which is seldom and usually with her children so I am not going to bring anything up in front of them.
I'm just fed up of listening to my MIL's hurt feelings, the whining BIL gives to my husband when he tries to say something and the thoughts that go round in my head about the situation. We don't even know what BIL's issue is and he won't be clear about it!
Hormones aside, I do want them to sort it out.

Lonnie Wed 05-Jan-11 18:30:39

Are you Being Unresonable??

Who knows ?? we dont know why BIL isnt talking to PIL's for all you know he could have a very valid reason and is choosing to not tell you all so that your relationship with them remains ok... ( i know it is unlikely but it IS a possibillity)

the other possibillity is he is just one of those people whom likes to have a bit of drama in his life..

in first case you would be Very unresonable in the second case you would not be unresonable.

I think you are idealistic and want your child to have the very best. thats not a bad thing to want for your child.

My brother hasnt spoken to my sister or 15 years. you get used to it and whilst it has effected my niece (whom was close to my brother and then he cut contact) it really hasnt had any affect for my kids they see both their aunt and uncle

Why dont you suggest a mediation session see how that gets taken as a suggestion that should give you a suggestion towards how likely a reconciliation will be

wayoftheworld Wed 05-Jan-11 18:33:05

Stay out of it!! I should make myself clearer STAY OUT OF IT. Your good intentions will propably backfire and you will be cought in the middle of smth that was there before you. If you think they as a family have not been able to resolve this before you arrived, it will not happen becaouse of you.

Having another child might be the reason for family to calm down and come back togather. You can use this opportunity and it will be wanderful if it works. But you can take a horse to the water and you cant make it stay out of it. Once you stain your hands with it, it will be with you for as long as you live.

SugarMousePink Wed 05-Jan-11 18:35:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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