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To not help a 'friend' out for her wedding.

(235 Posts)
MerryGhostMas Wed 05-Jan-11 15:59:13

Okay, i am SURe I am NBU- it is a WWYD really. (I have namechanged.... )

Been with Dh 7 years, He is alot older than me, and met and married me within a year of divorcing his former wife. Alot of 'our' friends were their friends, and many of the women have been a bit funny about me - me being so much younger etc. (25 years, give or take.) I was not the 'other woman'.... the ex actually had an affair. Anyway, that is by the by....

One particular friend has always been funny. Refuses to acknowledge me. Sends Xmas cards to Dh only, that sort of thing. She is getting married this year- second marriage. She sent an invitation to DH only. That annoyed us, as you can imagine! But, a few days later she rang Dh and asked if i would be willing to be a waitress on the night, as they were a bit stretched finances wise, and if they got 'friends' to volunteer, then the costs of the buffet were reduced. Dh stammered and said that he would ask me.

Um, NO. NO NO NO. Obviously not. we have a baby, and it would cost me money to go and 'work' as a volunteer, and get a sitter if DH was going to the wedding. Dh says it might be a goodwill gesture (he is not saying it seriously actually... ) but really. WIBU to say fuck you and the horse you rode in on? Should I just decline? Should i throw an almighty strop?

I am fucked off, actually.

Actually, no, this is more a rant. I think I SHALL say fuck you.......

oranges Wed 05-Jan-11 16:00:30

No of course not YANBU shock

gordyslovesheep Wed 05-Jan-11 16:00:40

no YANBU at all - what a cheeky madam!!!!

Plumm Wed 05-Jan-11 16:01:00

YANBU at all. Is your DH going to the wedding? I'd be seriously PO if he is after the way she's treated you.

2shoes Wed 05-Jan-11 16:01:01

say*no* cheeky mare

OTheHugeManatee Wed 05-Jan-11 16:01:13






storminabuttercup Wed 05-Jan-11 16:01:38

Cheeky Cow!

Tell her to get stuffed!

MerryGhostMas Wed 05-Jan-11 16:01:46

Oh... and she HAS asked other people, we think... teenage kids of friends... so it is not really a pointed dig at me, alone. I think.

Oh fuck it. Sorry, I AM ranting. Not, she can fuck off.

I think I might ask DH to boycott her fucking wedding too. This has to be the deal breaker insult, surely. Enough is enough.

Sassybeast Wed 05-Jan-11 16:01:53

I am quite grin at her downright cheek.
YANBU by the way. I'd do the almighty strop - it can be very therapeutic.

LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake Wed 05-Jan-11 16:01:54

I seriously doubt it's a good-will gesture, more like you have not been invited and she wants to show up the disparity in your ages by having you waitress shock

I think she is trying to humiliate you and you should just say that No, you are unable to help or attend her wedding unless you can attend as a family (with the baby)

Callisto Wed 05-Jan-11 16:02:00

I'd tell her to fuck right off and would take it as a way of putting me down. However, don't give her the satisfaction of throwing a strop. Decline her 'invitation' politely and ask your DH not to attend either.

Lulumaam Wed 05-Jan-11 16:02:14

your DH is being ridicolous even maintaing a friendship with a woman so blinkered and rude.

was she terribly good friends with the ex wife though? does she feel you were the OW and therefore to be castigated and shunned ( not neccesarily what i think....)

but to ignore you and then ask for you to wait on is just absolutely mind blowingly rude

your DH needs to have a convo on the lines of

'merryghostmas is my wife, she has been for a number of years, we are together, tehrefore to ignore her until you want to use her for a favour is intolerable... if you have a problem with her, you have a problem with me, i cannot maintain a friendship when you cannot acknowledge my spouse.......'

i'd be more fucked off with him than her tbh

KathyImLost Wed 05-Jan-11 16:02:19

What an utter cow. I'd normally suggest rising above it & being the bigger person, but in this case I think telling her to fuck off would be quite restrained.

MerryGhostMas Wed 05-Jan-11 16:02:42

Oh, x-posts. Thank you!!! (I am utterly furious tbh).

iloveyankees Wed 05-Jan-11 16:02:45

I would tell her to fuck right off grin

kormachameleon Wed 05-Jan-11 16:02:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

narkypuffin Wed 05-Jan-11 16:02:55

So you're not fit to be a guest but you're fine to clear plates?


bellavita Wed 05-Jan-11 16:03:07


So, she wouldn't mind you being the hired help but not a guest. I would tell her to shove it where the sun doesn't...

saffy85 Wed 05-Jan-11 16:03:25


I'd go apeshit and be very pissed off with DH if he went to the wedding after this.

sims2fan Wed 05-Jan-11 16:03:36

No, my intincts are saying that she is doing this to laugh at you. If you did it you would probably find that you were the only 'friend' being a waitress, and she would point you out to the other guests and snigger at you. Don't do it.

Ormirian Wed 05-Jan-11 16:03:50

YANBU but I would advise declining in a slightly less aggressive manner grin

OTheHugeManatee Wed 05-Jan-11 16:04:29

"I don't consider you part of my friendship circle and will pointedly ignore you, but seeing as you're an underage trollop that your husband probably picked up to soothe his ego when dining out alone, why don't you come and waitress at my wedding? After all, you're only there to be his nursemaid and inheritor, right?"

Tell her to fuck off.

singingcat Wed 05-Jan-11 16:04:47

I hope your husband isn't going after this...

Lulumaam Wed 05-Jan-11 16:04:55

hang on , your DH is really in the wrong here too. for not standing up for you and for staying friends with a woman who will not even acknowledge you !!

MsKLo Wed 05-Jan-11 16:05:20

fuck me!

i nearly choked on my tea!

cheeky bitch! (her, not you!)

are you still in touch with these people? get them outta your lives!

why has your DH not had it out with them as to why they have not invited you? he needs to let them know their behaviour is out of order!

poor you!

he's not going is he?

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