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to be pissed off with stupid comments to dd about her baby sister

(38 Posts)
familyfun Wed 05-Jan-11 14:15:58

dd is 3.6 and quite sensitive, she has a new baby sister 6 weeks and is being quite good with her but is a bit jealous and extra cuddly with me and dp. smile
i am totally fed up of older people's stipid comments.

MIL; ive come to take your sister, im taking her home and keeping her, we havent come for you we are here for your sister, etc etc.

neighbour; i bet you dont want to go to school now mommy is home all day with your sister.

other neighbour; we have got your sister in our house, dd said why why have you got my sister, neighbour said we have got her now we are keeping her.

What the fuck?

I actually told MIL yesterday that i am fed up of hearing such stupid comments. poor dd looks so scared/bewildered and keeps saying mommy are they having my baby.

i am ready to kill the next person.


LoveMyGirls Wed 05-Jan-11 14:18:01

I would be really cross too and would loudly say oh don't be so silly and look at your dd and say don't worry of course they don't mean that and then look back at them with a look on your face that says say that again and I will break you whilst smiling.

ddubsgirl Wed 05-Jan-11 14:23:38

thats awful,how stupid are some people!

familyfun Wed 05-Jan-11 14:24:50

they are there with a stupid look on their faces laughing and i am thinking why would an adult think thats a clever thing to say to a 3 yr old?
feel like crying for dd as she taked it to heart and worries over things like that.

HaveAHappyNewJung Wed 05-Jan-11 14:25:50

Poor DD!

Next time somebody says something just be very brave and say "that's not true, why would you say that?"

LoveMyGirls Wed 05-Jan-11 14:26:27

I would def have a chat with your dd and reassure her that baby dd is staying and you all love them both and how good she is at helping you look after her sister and having a sister is very special etc.

Don't let stupid people spoil this special time for you and your girls xx

TimeForACHEEKYWine Wed 05-Jan-11 14:26:39

Tell them when they say it.

JamieLeeCurtis Wed 05-Jan-11 14:28:10

Ooooh - that's awful. I really found out who the caring people were when DS2 was born - the ones who would speak to DS1 first and make as much fuss of him when his brother came along.

MorticiaAddams Wed 05-Jan-11 14:28:58

You need to tell them not to say things like that. It doesn't need to be confrontational, just something along the lines of "Please can you not say things like that as several other people have too and dd1 is starting to get worried".

They do sound very odd, I usually try and make a positive comment about being a big brother/sister.

familyfun Wed 05-Jan-11 14:31:40

yes we have had some lovely visits with people making a real fuss over dd1 and giving her a little gift or playing with her more before holding dd2 and i really appreciate it.
i have also had some annoying visits of people passing dd1 who was waiting at the door and saying wheres the baby and poor dd looked sad
also giving dd1 a present in her hand and when she said thanks, saying no thats for dd2 not you, hmm bit harsh for a 3 yr old to handle.
i guess we are being ultra sensitive towards dd1 at the moment and so feel any harsh things towards her more than normal.

coldtits Wed 05-Jan-11 14:32:17

I have to occasionally reality check Ds1 (7), as he has ASD and is VERY gullible, can't tell when people are joking. So I let the stupid adult finish their stupid sentence, then I bend down to talk to Ds1 and say "That was a joke. X isn't really going to put you in a dustbin and the binmen don't take people anyway. X was joking. No, I know you don't think it's funny"

MadamDeathstare Wed 05-Jan-11 14:32:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

familyfun Wed 05-Jan-11 14:32:57

it is odd, people with kids have been great, its the older people in their 60s/70s who are being so awful.

JamieLeeCurtis Wed 05-Jan-11 14:35:02

It's really good that you are so sensitive to your older DD, OP. It is a hard time for lots of children, and they express it in different ways

familyfun Wed 05-Jan-11 14:37:21

oh i forgot the classic, we got dd1 a doll and i gave her a nappy for it so when i change dd2 she changes dolls bum next to me, dd1 was pretending doll was crying and had it on her shoulder winding it so MIL gave her the great advice hmm of smack its bum for crying, give it a smack, cue next time dd2 cried i heard a little voice whispering smack her bum smack her bum.
i told MIL we dont smack in our house and had to keep reminding dd1 that we hug people who are upset etc.
feel like locking the doors at the moment.

familyfun Wed 05-Jan-11 14:38:49

i love dd to bits and really want her to be happy with her sister and realise we still love her as much, she has made comments that she will have dp as dd2 has me (cos i bf) so i am trying my best to reassure her.

JamieLeeCurtis Wed 05-Jan-11 14:39:11


hobbgoblin Wed 05-Jan-11 14:39:13

I think you should tell DD that people say funny things that are made up to make a joke. Introduce her to the concept of bizarre adult humour now - she'll certainly face it again in the future. Depending on how easy she finds it to take on board this kind of thing you could name it, i.e. silly talk or sarcasm or exaggeration, a word that she will recognise and that you can refer to again so that she builds understanding at the same time as being able to dismiss what the fools are saying.

LilRedWG Wed 05-Jan-11 14:44:15

People are so stupid. Please do tell them not to say these things to your poor little DD. If they do just turn to DD1 and say, "What a silly thing to say. DD2 is your sister and wants to stay with you, as you are the best big sister ever". Try and get some Big Girls' Time too, just you and DD1 - even just an hour.

I'm giving this advice whilst being 34 weeks pregnant with DC2, so may well be talking out of my arse. blush

dessen Wed 05-Jan-11 14:49:39

People are stupid so you can say stupid things back to give your dd a giggle - things like 'we're keeping little dd but why don't you take the huge pile of dirty nappies instead' or the big pile of pooey baby gros instead & such like.

familyfun Thu 06-Jan-11 20:38:55

last night i put dd1s teddy in dd2s moses basket and carried it into her room and told her dd2 had brought her teddy up, dd1 was so pleased and kept saying how kind dd2 was. smile
then today i have bought them a matching pack of tights while dd1 was at nursery and told her dd2 picked them out for them both, again she was so pleased she was hugging and kissing her little sis, so luckily it seems she really loves her sis so far. smile
i told her people say daft things as a joke and just to ignore them as we are keeping her sister as we are all a family, now she keeps saying there are 4 in our family now so she gets it.
i do big girl things with ehr everyday while dd2 sleeps, today we made a tiger mask, yesterday we stitched and stuffed a pig toy and then she stuck on the felt eyes/nose etc, i keep her craft box for when we have our time so we get our time for fun and cuddles. smile
just need to tackle her cheekiness after nursery now grin

Teela Thu 06-Jan-11 20:44:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goingspare Thu 06-Jan-11 20:45:11

My friend recently got a second puppy and everyone was very careful to pay more attention to the older dog, not to fuss over the new pup first, etc. How can people be so insensitive when talking to a child?

CrazyChristmasLady Thu 06-Jan-11 20:46:52

What stupid things to say to a young child.

I an dreading daft things like this. DS will be 3 when I have DC2 in a few weeks. Hopefully people I know won't say things like this but if they do I will certianly pull them up on it and then nicely explain to DS that it isn't true.

whoknowswhatthefutureholds Thu 06-Jan-11 20:47:24

they do this to us all the time too!

Just keep making it in to a joke. and say loudly 'silly XXX they are just trying to be funny'. Normally shuts them up.

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