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to think a woman who hasn't looked after her DS for months shouldn't receive maintenance let alone start demanding more

(59 Posts)
monkeyjamtart Wed 05-Jan-11 11:15:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chil1234 Wed 05-Jan-11 11:18:13

It's not about what she does or doesn't deserve or even how badly she behave. She's been awarded a settlement (in court? privately?) and is therefore not being U to take the money or to expect it to be paid on time. However, if she's serious about increasing the settlement and/or changing everyone's living arrangements she'd have to get that agreed formally. Which doesn't sound likely.

LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake Wed 05-Jan-11 11:19:29

How old is the boy?

Is he old enough to decide who to live with?

NorwegianMoon Wed 05-Jan-11 11:19:47

she shouldnt get a penny if the child dousnt live with her-isnt that what child maintence is for?

classydiva Wed 05-Jan-11 11:20:22

Tell your OH to see a solicitor to get the mainteance reviewed, according to the child support agency maintenance is paid at a reduced rate for those who do not have sole care.

Your Dh might have a better outcome if he went through the child support agency. If she is not taking care of the child then she should not be receiving any benefits for that child that includes family allowance or any child tax credits.

A solicitor is the way to go.

Tell her that a solicitor and the child support agency will be involved. That should scare her, your OH should also see about getting sole custody if he has it in the main anyway.

altinkum Wed 05-Jan-11 11:21:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mutznutz Wed 05-Jan-11 11:22:26

How old is he?

borderslass Wed 05-Jan-11 11:22:39

DH paid maintenance to his ex for years, when SS was 13 we found out he'd been in care since the age of 8 he was still paying the maintenance but it was stopped after going to our solicitor.

altinkum Wed 05-Jan-11 11:23:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MorticiaAddams Wed 05-Jan-11 11:24:47

Is your partner talking to a solicitor about the payments or wanting to have custody of his son.

How old is he?

finallyfree Wed 05-Jan-11 11:25:12

why pay maintenence when she is not caring for him?? depending how old child is can choose if he wants to live with u perm and if so SHE will have to pay maintenance. You should look in to that possibility. Dont have to cost arm and leg at court as u dont need solicitor u can rep urselves.

amberleaf Wed 05-Jan-11 11:26:23

Id like to hear the other side of this.

Rannaldini Wed 05-Jan-11 11:29:35

this is at best nonsense

Socy Wed 05-Jan-11 11:31:51

YANBU but it really isn't your problem - it is not your money she is being given - I suggest you don't get too involved. I say this as someone who does not receive maintenance and can't be arsed going to the CSA as it will just cause too much hassle.

bubbleOseven Wed 05-Jan-11 11:39:44

Your DH shouldn't be paying maintenance to the mother if the child isn't living there? why is he paying maintenance?

altinkum Wed 05-Jan-11 11:42:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itsapuppet Wed 05-Jan-11 11:44:36

At 14 the child can decided with whom he lives. Maybe part of the 350 was not for maintenance but part of divorce settlement. In this case she should have not have received the payment late. I am also starting to think this could well be made up as some posters have asked genuine questions without reply. If you want to ask AIBU and then you don’t reply to any question your AIBU is not serious.

pinkdelight Wed 05-Jan-11 11:46:26

You need to sort this out legally - if you can prove the child has been in your care for the last three months (and for the forseeable future) then she should repay the maintenance and start paying your partner instead. It needs sorting out, but through the right channels where her threats will mean nothing.

mutznutz Wed 05-Jan-11 11:47:27

This thread has two qualities that really wind me up is the OP left out the massively important detail of the child's age and the other is that the OP appears to have posted and run!

Though to be fair she may have just got busy (breaths into paper bag)

bubbleOseven Wed 05-Jan-11 11:47:29

OP are you referring to child maintenance or spousal maintenance - they are two different things

monkeyjamtart Wed 05-Jan-11 11:51:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rannaldini Wed 05-Jan-11 11:52:02

what proportion of the maintenance is for the child and what is for the ex w?
if your h feels he needs to have his court order amended then he should go back to court otherwise he should pay his maintenance order in a timely manner

clouding the issue with the story of a frankly poor financial arrangement your mother had with your father isn't helpful or pertinent

also i'd hope the your ss isn't involved in any of these discussions no matter how strongly you feel the injustice

altinkum Wed 05-Jan-11 11:56:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theevildead2 Wed 05-Jan-11 11:56:00

Hmmmm I think if normally she has him and is a good parent then YABU as she still needs to pay to keep the roof over their heads for when your DSS returns.

However if she is shit and normally you do all the work you shoudl just get custody and make her pay.

Itsapuppet Wed 05-Jan-11 11:56:31

Bubble that was my point, if its only child maintenance and they have the son 3 evenings a week then his take home pay must be 4,083 GBP per month . I wish.
If you were that busy why would you not wait until you had more time? hmm

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