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MIL cutting ds's hair

(65 Posts)
Mapley Tue 04-Jan-11 20:41:46

My DS went to stay with his grandparents this weekend for the first time, he's nearly two.

My DS hasn't hadn't had his haircut until New Year's Eve, and it was quite long. I decided on New Year's Eve to tidy up the back a bit,but left the rest. His fringe was just above the eyebrows and so I left it and thought I'd do it another time.

My MIL has been saying that she wants to cut his hair for ages, so that's partly why I did it before he went to her's for the weekend, because I wanted to cut it first. She was obviously a bit put out when we arrived because I'd cut it rather than her, but that's my perogative so I just breezily ignored her disgruntlement.

When we arrived back after the weekend the first thing I noticed is that his fringe was shorter. About an inch shorter. I asked her right out if she'd cut it and she denied it and said "ofcourse I'd never cut it without your permission, you must have done it when you cut it!"

I didn't ofcourse. Now I'm not particularly bothered, and didn't push the issue as I don't want to argue with ds's grannie, but really WTF? I have spoken to DH about it though, and he says he's upset that I'm saying his mum is a liar. Am I being unreasonable continuing to insist that she is?

troisgarcons Tue 04-Jan-11 20:44:52

It's a hair cut, hair grows, it's not like she dyed it pink and permed it.

Does it look awful? If not, stop making a fuss ove soemthing so inconsequential.

zingzillachinchilla Tue 04-Jan-11 20:45:38

You know that you are not being unreasonable here - and surely your DH grasps that you know how short (or otherwise) you cut his hair. You are not the liar! Ask your DH if he thinks it's ok to call you a liar...?

[don't know why, but am outraged on your behalf grin ]

zingzillachinchilla Tue 04-Jan-11 20:47:21

Troisgarcons - it's not so much the cutting of the hair, it's the liar piece that makes me annoyed for the OP. You are quite right about the hair growing back, of course.

cupcakebakerer Tue 04-Jan-11 20:49:38

I'm sorry trois but I think it is a big deal - it would be in my world anyway. She had absolutely no right to cut his hair and it's the principle. There isn't really anything you can do about it now OP but I can totally see why you'd be so annoyed.

Mapley Tue 04-Jan-11 20:49:38

no it doesn't look awful, and no i'm not making a fuss. like I said I'm not going to push it and argue with ds's grannie, i'm not that bothered. I can see the bigger picture. Just getting it out my system with this thread really.

Think i'll drop it with dh too as it's making him sad and conflicted. But I don't like being lied to!

Thanks for the outrage zingzilla! :-)

FakePlasticTrees Tue 04-Jan-11 20:49:38

I'd be pissed off with DH. You can't both be right. Either you are lying or his mum is. He believes you, or her. Point this out to him.

ItsAllaBitDeathlyQuiet Tue 04-Jan-11 20:51:04

My daughter is 10 and I'd still go crazy if anyone cut her hair without my permission.

And if they then pretended they hadn't cut it, well, I'd have to kill them I'm afraid. grin

zingzillachinchilla Tue 04-Jan-11 20:51:32

You're welcome!

JamieLeeCurtis Tue 04-Jan-11 20:54:10

I'd be annoyed about being lied to, and then accused of lying yourself.

Mapley Tue 04-Jan-11 20:57:42

grrrrr thanks all, good to get it out of my system!

now MIL loves my ds, he enjoys his time with her and loves her, and it's lovely that she wants to have him occasionally for a weekend and I feel lucky for that, so i'm not going to argue.

but aaaaagggh, Can I also divulge that when I arrived back to pick him up she was holding him and he saw me and said mummy and tried to jump out her arms and come to me. And she said "he doesn't mean you you know when he says mummy, he's been saying that to me all weekend, he didn't miss you atall". aaaagh. I smiled and didn't rise to it. But really aaaaagh

JamieLeeCurtis Tue 04-Jan-11 20:58:35

<joins in the aaaaghs >

MilliONaire Tue 04-Jan-11 20:58:39

That would be a huge NO NO in my world, sorry troisgarcons, i would not be considering it inconsequential at all. My aunt trained as a hairdresser sometime back in 1500 and when her son grew up and married and had children she had issues with the DIL & her 'fancy' ideas - such as letting the grandson's hair grow long - there were many, many other issues.

Anyway, she had the grandson over one day and cut off all the hair they had been so painstakingly growing. Understandably the DIL went mad and there was a falling out.

This aunt is my mothers sister and my mother tried to defend her actions when telling me this. I made it clear to my mother in no uncertain terms that I too would go mad and be very very cross if she ever did that to any child of mine. She was trying to pass if off as 'she was only trying to help' - this aunt is the most passive aggressive person I know. Anyway, so far my mother has resisted touching dc's hair though she does make lots of comments how we should get it trimmed. I just block her voice out when she starts.

As for the OP - I would be pissed off that she cut the hair (how dare she!) and even more pissed off that she lied about it GRRRR

JamieLeeCurtis Tue 04-Jan-11 21:00:51

I really really hope I have a good grip on myself when I become a MIL. Loopy.

I don't have a MIL now - she died when DS1 was a baby, but I do remember her and my mum having a barmy conversation about who, out of DH and me, made the best monkey noises

Blu Tue 04-Jan-11 21:04:23

Unless you asked her to cut his hair (which you didn't), it was an outrageous thing to do! Although perhaps she knew you were planning to cut it and so simply thought she was doing a job for you - like trimming his nails. Did she know that you felt strongly about it, or had you jjust been talking of doing it while ignoring her plans to cut it?

Mapley Tue 04-Jan-11 21:11:55

i'd already trimmed it blu before the weekend, partly because I knew she wanted to do it and didn't trust her not to.

I have said to her a couple of times that I like it long and will cut it , myself when I feel it's necessary, But I haven't made a fuss about it.

She flatly denied doing it, was bizarre. Made me feel like I was going mad really.

midori1999 Tue 04-Jan-11 21:13:07

She obviously knows she is in the wrong or why would she lie about it?

DS1 came back from his Dad's once, aged 2, with a grade 1 all over. I went ballistic, at which point he tried to tell me DS had had nits. Yeah, right... fuckwit!

westlake Tue 04-Jan-11 21:20:56

I would be soooo upset!!! I haven't the heart to cut my DS's hair (he's 16months) but when i do i want to keep it. I have my first hair cut in a pot, really tight white curls, and I want DS to have his.
Noone has the right to do this. I would be seriously having words with your MIL! By not making an issue of it she'll be thinking she can do as she pleases and get away with it.

Mapley Tue 04-Jan-11 21:20:58

bloody hell a grade 1? poor you! That would make me proper cry!

curlymama Tue 04-Jan-11 21:21:50

YANBU, it's not about the haircutting, although that is bad enough, it's about the fact that she had lied.

And now Dh is believeing his mother over you. That is inexcusable imho. He's upset that you are calling his precious Mummy a liar? But it's ok for him to accuse you of lying? I wouldn't be able to let that go tbh, it's the sort of thing that would make me lose so mch respact for my husband that I just wouldn't be able to think about him in the same way.

Mapley Tue 04-Jan-11 21:24:04

westlake that's why i cut his hair before he went. I kept his curls that I cut off and put in in an envelope in his memory box. I'm glad I did now.

I don't know if I want the hassle of falling out with her. She's basically a good person who love my ds and helps me and dh have the odd night off together, so I'm not going to make an issue.

Feel sorry for my dh though. He's obviously a bit conflicted now

abenstille Tue 04-Jan-11 21:24:49

To be honest I'd be livid:
first to cut his hair (first hair cuts are precious!)
second, that she had the gall to lie about it!
It would worry me too that she could lie so easily...what else might she lie about?
Can understand that your husband is torn in loyalty, so I'd probably not press it too much with him, but use it as supporting evidence when she lies again - which i fear she will sad

Mapley Tue 04-Jan-11 21:30:18

it's a difficult relationship eh?

she's drives me mad really,but I try very hard to not react and to just smile and say my piece and smile again.

curlymama Tue 04-Jan-11 21:32:12

Your DH believes his Mother over you and you feel sorry for him? shock

Mapley Tue 04-Jan-11 21:41:40

aye i do a bit. Tis a nasty situation to be in, having to decide who out of the two women you love most is lying. He's not being aggressive or nasty to me, he;s just said he finds it hard to believe that his mum would lie. He hasnt accused me of lying outright. He just look sad and confused. I love him, I have no desire to push him and upset him. He'll work it out for himself, he's not daft. I trust him

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