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to have not kept quiet about sleep training a v young baby

(14 Posts)
whoneedssleepanyway Tue 04-Jan-11 12:06:35

ok I know I am and it is none of my business but when my colleague just told me he was sleep training his 9 week old baby by leaving him to cry I am afraid i put my judgey pants on and said "really leaving him to cry, I couldn't do that with mine at that age"

so I know IABU and should have held my tongue and go on flame me but I was just a little bit shock that people really do leave babies that little to cry...

SheWillBeLoved Tue 04-Jan-11 12:10:28

YABU, but I'd have probably done the same plus a whole lot more.

Ivette Tue 04-Jan-11 12:11:59

yanbu. I trained mine at 11 months and I thought that was a bit early...

whoknowswhatthefutureholds Tue 04-Jan-11 12:12:10

our best friends did this. i couldn't talk to them about it at all, wish I had in someways. doubt they would have done it differefntlt. sad

TandB Tue 04-Jan-11 12:13:55

It's not something I agree with at all, but I don't think your comment was particuarly constructive. It is pure criticism. If you feel strongly about it, why not suggest some alternative options?

ChippingIn Tue 04-Jan-11 12:15:25

YANBU in wanting to help (the baby), but maybe you could have explained a bit more rather than just saying what you said. You need to make him think about why it's not a good idea, not just make him feel judged & wary about saying anything to you.

whoneedssleepanyway Tue 04-Jan-11 12:17:15

chippingin and kungfu I know you are right, I had already recommended him some books and sent a link to a very useful website....

allnightlong Tue 04-Jan-11 12:17:22

YABU it's now completely fair for him to judge your own parenting hope your prepared to receive some equally scornful remarks about it.

whoneedssleepanyway Tue 04-Jan-11 12:17:55

allnightlong believe me he already has on a number of occassions and that was before he even had kids...

mnistooaddictive Tue 04-Jan-11 12:18:54

I sleep trained mine at 3 months. She cried for 3 minutes! It was the last step in a long process. Do you judge me? You don't know the situation.

EricNorthmansMistress Tue 04-Jan-11 12:20:30

YANBU, but it's hard. My best friend was apparently told by a health visitor that CIO was ok with babies from 6 weeks, and you could leave them up to 45 minutes shock. This was ten years ago, and her own mum is of the 'rod for own back' school of parenting. The best I could muster was 'Oh, I think that HV might have been a bit old school, I was told XYZ' and had to leave it. Mainly because her final child was already 2 at this point and also her DCs are incredibly lovely and well attached so in her specific situation it would have been hard to argue. However if someone I knew was currently doing this I would have said something too, but probably more along the lines of 'where did you get that advice from? I don't mean to interefere but the general guidelines are to wait until they are 6 months' and see how they respond. If they bite your head off then there isn't much you can do

allnightlong Tue 04-Jan-11 12:20:50

Who fair enough then maybe he'll learn to keep his mouth shut in future.

strawberrycake Tue 04-Jan-11 12:21:00

In these situations I try to discuss the alternatives, or explore there reasons for doing so. One of my friends 'sleep trained' this way, but for her baby it was 20min of crying for a few nights then no issues at all. That's fine in my book, but for my little 'angel' he would scream until his was sick and it would have no effect. The softly softly approach worked on him, so in his case I'd view it as downright cruel to let him get in such a state. You might find out on further questioning, like I did, that it's not as bad as it sounds initially. If someone's doing it out of desperation for a good nights sleep then I'd offer them other suggestions. People normally do these things because they don't know alternatives/ think they're doing the best. It's few and far between the mother that doesn't give a shit about a tiny baby crying!

Vallhala Tue 04-Jan-11 12:29:27

YABU and judgemental. I doubt if the child will be scarred for life by it and suspect that this practice was used for centuries by our forefathers, just without a fancy title, to no ill effect.

I just wish I'd been advised to do it with DD2, who screamed through the night until she was 15.5 months old, until a HP suggested I just let her scream it out.

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