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To think that an 11 year old can't choose where to live on a whim

(8 Posts)
reinitindear Tue 04-Jan-11 10:36:08

Quick background my dd is 11 my ex h and I split when she was 8 months old he saw her for about 18 months there was then a break of 3 years where he stopped contact. I initiated contact again and since then himself and his wife have seen dd 3 times a year for a total of approx 25 days. This all takes place just on my say so although have always been totally flexible and told them they can have her whenever and for however long they choose to only see her for these times.She has just come back saying that she wants to see what it is like living there.I obviously don't think this is best for her and it would mean her losing contact with all her parental family as he does not speak to them and she currently sees or speaks to grand parents and aunties etc at least once a month.Sorry to ramble but my brain is swimming and my heart is breaking but my question is do I have to let her go? Also just 5 weeks ago she didn't want to go and was threatening to take an empty case with her to prove a point as he pays nothing towards her upkeep.It feels like she has been brain washed and I am suddenly the bad guy.Also I think they have dealt with it terribly they live 120 miles away and they have already started talking schools and things. I think they should have said something like"you ve with your Mum but we could see you more" and warned me that the conversation had taken place instead of letting her come home and tell me she wanted to move. Sorry for the long ramble.

charliesmommy Tue 04-Jan-11 10:37:48

Have you actually spoken to them, or is this all coming from your daughter?

theevildead2 Tue 04-Jan-11 10:40:49

Do you have any reason to think they would actually want that arrangment?

Doesn't sound like they would, and might be even more heart breaking for you dd when she realises

Hope yo ucan tlak her round without her realising

reinitindear Tue 04-Jan-11 10:41:14

They have sent me a one sentence text asking if she has told me yet that she wants to go. I haven't replied as am considering only doing everything through solicitors if it gets to that stage.I can't trust myself to answer calmly.They shouldn't have entered discussions without even consulting me surely?

FabbyChic Tue 04-Jan-11 10:43:51

You don't have to let her go, assume that you have sole custody.

It is probably on a whim, they may let her get away with more there than you do, maybe they aren't so strict.

I wouldn't let my child go.

Maybe she brought it up with them, asking them if she could live there.

Why not ring them and talk to them rationally, later on in the week when you are calmer.

charliesmommy Tue 04-Jan-11 10:44:03

I would just say nope, and point out that her school is here,and her friends, and perhaps she can spend more time there in the school holidays, and thats it.

I wouldnt even worry about solicitors yet.

altinkum Tue 04-Jan-11 11:00:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

reinitindear Tue 04-Jan-11 11:08:23

We were married and he is on BC he is self employed and according to csa he earns nothing?? Have asked DD she says she mentioned it and it seems as though they have jumped straight on it and started discussing everything.Where Ithink they shuld have rung me to at least let me know what had happened

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