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To think Sister Blooming Rude

(28 Posts)
treas Mon 03-Jan-11 14:53:28

Just had a phone call from my dad on the pretext of seeing if I'm taking kids to visit tomorrow.

Anyway as part of conversation he asked whether I still had the receipt of the necklace I gave my sister and whether I could bring it over.

AIBU to have categorically stated that I didn't have the requested receipt any more.

1. It was a gift of a necklace - not item of clothing in wrong size.
2. My dad had to raise the possibility
3. I'd never do that to anyone even if I detested and despised what I had been given - don't lets start on the present my dh and I received from my BIL and his wife!

AIBU to think sis is a childish, greedy cow!

benbon Mon 03-Jan-11 15:02:02

surely you would rather the money was spent on something she will actually use, rather then a necklace that she will never wear??

ENormaSnob Mon 03-Jan-11 15:04:42

How old is your sister?

Presumably she doesn't like/want/can't wear the necklace so would prefer to exchange for something she will wear? Waste of money otherwise.

taintedsnow Mon 03-Jan-11 15:07:05

This all hinges on how old your sister is. But in general YANBU. If she doesn't like it, she needs to ask you herself (presuming she's not very young) if you would mind her exchanging it. Going through your dad is rude.

WimpleOfTheBallet Mon 03-Jan-11 15:09:18

Does she still live at home? I can see that you would be annoyed that your Dad phone...

scurryfunge Mon 03-Jan-11 15:11:58

Gifts are unconditional and that includes not liking it. It is up to her what to do with a gift. You can be honest about not having the receipt but I am sure you could prove a purchase for the sake of good relationships and let her exchange it.

Maybe it is a control thing on her part and she enjoys the power.

treas Mon 03-Jan-11 15:14:55

See is 38 and lives with my parents.

I was given some gross smelling Body Shop gift set gunk, which I would not have dreamt of buying myself, but it never crossed my mind to ask for a receipt to change it as it was a gift.

K12Mom Mon 03-Jan-11 15:16:20

That's really hurtful sad

taintedsnow Mon 03-Jan-11 15:18:22

Oh, she should've mentioned it to you herself. I am like you, I feel bad about mentioning not liking gifts, but there's nothing wrong with exchanging per se.

HollyBollyBooBoo Mon 03-Jan-11 15:19:36

YABU

As someone who receives the most unsuitable gifts from my MIL year after year it is just such a waste of money and I feel dreadful that the items then sit in the cupboard until I have a clear out and then they go to the charity shop.

Wouldn't it honestly be better if your money went on something that she used and loved? Don't take it personally that she doesn't like it.

charliesmommy Mon 03-Jan-11 15:22:08

maybe she does feel uncomfortable about asking and its your dad who has taken it upon himself to mention it...

treas Mon 03-Jan-11 15:22:24

K12 - thanks for that. Think that sums up my feelings really.

I wouldn't have cared if see had re-gifted, ebayed, composted the blooming thing etc.

Have to admit that sister and I have a history regarding presents, nothing is ever good enough even when it is the item she has specifically asked for!

Honeydragon Mon 03-Jan-11 15:26:53

My SiL always instructs MiL to ask for the receipt for gifts, it really annoys me so on the count yanbu to expect her to ask herself.

The best one was when I purchased SiL tickets to the X-Factor as she had gone on and on about how she wanted to go. Having changed her mind the first I knew of it was when MiL turned up with the tickets and instructed my that SiL wanted me to sell them on ebay to recoup my losses and I could give her the cash!

HollyBollyBooBoo Mon 03-Jan-11 15:28:26

I'd honestly just give up on buying her presents then, as the gift of giving should be a pleasure for you not give you this sort of angst. Could you agree next year to give gift cards for a store that she regularly shops in or dare I say just agree not to give gifts at all to each other?

borderslass Mon 03-Jan-11 15:28:42

YANBU if there's a history I suggest you get a gift receipt in future.

Tell her you don't have it but if she really hates
It that much you know a girl who would love it.

BootyMum Mon 03-Jan-11 15:34:42

I think this is quite rude on two counts - one it is a rejection of your gift and the thought and effort you presumably put into choosing it amd second it is a rejection of your personal taste and fashion sense.

I personally would never ask for a receipt to return an item unless it was the wrong size [and then would exchange it for the same item in the correct size].

But I have been known to re-gift items that are not my style - I give them to people who I think would suit item and if I feel I would have chosen this item for them anyway as a gift iyswim - I either give it as a present or just pass it on if they feel they could use it. Not sure this is more acceptable to MN jury but it feels kinder to me somehow.

I wouldn't mind someone re-gifting an item I had bought them because I think it shows they feel it is good enough to give as a present but is just not their own style or taste. However I would be offended if someone asked for the receipt to return it as in my eyes this seems as if they care so little for my feelings that they would rather get what they want rather than consider that a direct rejection of my present to them might hurt me...

Does this make any sense confused

Anyway OP - I think I get where you are coming from and YANBU.

treas Mon 03-Jan-11 15:37:21

Honeydragon - I think that is so rude

HollyBolly - In the past I've given book tokens, which usually she loves, but even that was wrong!

I just can't understand how someone brought up in the same way by the same people can be so completely opposite. My mother and father have always taught us to be grateful for what we have been given and to shut up if we don't care for a present. Guess I'm the polite, conforming child then - at least sometimesgrin

curlymama Mon 03-Jan-11 15:37:37

It's rude. And she should have the guts and the courtesy to ask you herself if she wants to.

I guess there is a reason that she is 38 and still living with her parents.

busymummy3 Mon 03-Jan-11 15:37:43

agree with a few other posters on here would come to mutual agreement not to buy each other presents less angst all around.

treas Mon 03-Jan-11 15:40:38

Bootymum - makes complete sense to me, she could ebay or re-gift it wouldn't bother me.

swanandduck Mon 03-Jan-11 16:41:50

YANBU. If someone specifically says 'I have the receipt and there's no problem if you want to change it' that's fine. But otherwise I think it's hurtful.

I remember once when our boss was leaving work and we did a collection and I chose some jewellery for her from her favourite shop. A couple of days later she asked for the receipt because 'it all has to go back. Wrong size blah blah'. I thought it was very rude.

HollyBollyBooBoo Mon 03-Jan-11 21:05:38

Then she's being mega rude and childish, I would give up, she doesn't deserve your effort of finding the perfect gift nor the money you spend on it (note my total U-turn on this subject!)

moominmarvellous Mon 03-Jan-11 21:59:24

Is it really bad to return a gift if you don't like it then?

I've been planning to tell my best friend that I'd like to exchange a necklace she bought me for my 30th. It looks nice in the box, but when actually on it's a bit Mr Tish.

I'd like the same shape pendant as she bought me, just smaller and flatter, so I'll actually be able to wear it.

Mumwithareindeertattoo Mon 03-Jan-11 22:18:28

Moomin - I think if you explain that to your friend I can't see her being upset. In your case it sounds sensible.

OP - I think your sister should not have involved your Dad but I don't think it's unreasonable to exchange a present as such. Maybe just get her vouchers next year if she never likes what you choose.

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