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AIBU?

Or is dh re dd and flu and nursery

21 replies

notremotelyintofootie · 02/01/2011 20:04

Hi, dd is 13 months old and currently goes to nursery 3 afternoons a week so that I can work (funded phd and tons to do)...

Dh is a general worrier about health and dd but she is in the main pretty healthy, only had a few colds but does have an occasional cough at the moment, mainly at night, and despite being strong is quite diddy, like my ds who is 11 is... I have chronic asthma (take flixotide and serevent daily) but so far only ds gets it after a bad cold..,,

Anyway, dh has been reading about the flu outbreaks and risks to under 5's in the papers And is now insisting that dd doesn't go to nursery this week or until the flu outbreak is over.... This would completely stuff up my work and we have no family nearby or alternative childcare... Ds will still go to high school, dh will still go to work at a local hospice and of course the pub etc all by public transport but I am expected to stay in the house quarantined with dd to protect her... I think he is being ott... Is he being unreasonable or am I?

OP posts:

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AnnieLobeseder · 02/01/2011 20:06

HIBU - germs are out there and hiding in the house is no way forward. Especially if your DS is bringing germs home from school and DH is bringing them home from public transport.

If it means so much to him to keep her out of nursery, he can stay home with her.

bibbitybobbitysantahat · 02/01/2011 20:07

He is bu.

He is acting as if there is a flu pandemic of a deadly strain specifically in your local area.

Whereas, generally, the flu season is no worse this year than it was last year.

He could always find an excuse for her not to go to nursery if he is going to worry about every contagious illness.

PorkChopSter · 02/01/2011 20:07

Him.

Plumm · 02/01/2011 20:07

Tell DH to take time off to look fate her.

whatkatydidathome · 02/01/2011 20:08

I've been thinking about not sending dc (4,8 and 10) back to school for the same reason. I know two (fit, young) people in hospital with it, one of whom had to be put to bed on 3 chairs because the hospital had run out of beds.

nulgirl · 02/01/2011 20:08

If he wants her to be off for an indefinite period how does he think you will work? Is he willing to take time off to care for her? He does seem to be overreacting. Is this usual behaviour for him?

herbietea · 02/01/2011 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

saffy85 · 02/01/2011 20:13

HIBVVVVU and he should bare in mind that there will always be something he will need to "protect" DD from. Tummy bugs and Chicken Pox for example are both common childhood illnesses and can both potentionally be as dangerous as flu.

pollyblue · 02/01/2011 20:13

I think he's BU. Understandable he wants to protect your dd (and I had a brief moment thinking about not sending dd1 back to playgroup next week as the thought of her and dds 2 & 3 all going down with flu is a horrible thought) but there are so many ways she could - if she does - become infected, anyone could bring the virus into your home. And would he want to do this every year during flu season? because there is ALWAYS a flu outbreak, and tbh this years is no worse, so far, than any others.

I'm asthmatic too and had the flu jab when offered back in October (children weren't offered it this year, although they were last year I remember). Could you ask at your doctor's if your dd (and you if you haven't already) could be vaccinated? Would that put his mind at rest?

SmethwickBelle · 02/01/2011 20:15

I don't think you are remotely unreasonable.

I think he's being unreasonable to assume your work is dispensable whereas his isn't.

Like any mass lurgy in my opinion you're more likely to pick it up at the supermarket where you're passing dozens of sneezing strangers and your children are holding the trolley bar that's had hundreds of paws on it and so forth.

StewieGriffinsMom · 02/01/2011 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrivetDancer · 02/01/2011 20:20

Why not just all get the flu jab if you're worried?
Even if gp won't do it isn't it only about £10 in boots anyway?

notremotelyintofootie · 02/01/2011 20:21

Can 13 month olds have the flu jab? I've had mine as my chest always goes anyway with colds and can't risk going down with it but didn't think babies/toddlers could have it,.. Mmmm that might be an option if it's possible, I've also told dh he should get the jab as he works with vulnerable people and he is much more exposed than me! He can't drive so buses everywhere and I always in town and pubs whereas I drive, have a secluded office at uni away from everyone and don't have a social life!

I have continued bf-ing dd to offer extra protection anyway so I think she needs some germ exposure to build up immunity!

OP posts:

TheVisitor · 02/01/2011 20:24

As has been stated, she's more likely to pick it up from your DS or even DH himself. The nursery should be practicing excellent infection control, including hand gels etc at this time of year, so she'll actually be better there.

perfectstorm · 02/01/2011 20:28

If he's that bothered he should stay away from work.

I would imagine the jab is fine at 13 months, but you may need to pay for it. Ask your GP?

The vast majority of people who get this will be absolutely fine. Seasonal flu always kills people, this year is a worse than usual outbreak but those happen every decade or so anyway.

I think working in a hospice may be making him hyper-vigilant, because presumably this flu would be fatal to most of his patients. But a healthy 13 month old is unlikely to be seriously unwell, or they'd have rec'd the vax for the under 5s.

perfectstorm · 02/01/2011 20:29

If you've had the jab and you bf then she will get some protection from you as well. It may not mean she won't catch it but it should reduce severity, no?

omnietyinstables · 02/01/2011 20:32

HIBU.

It has already gone around both dds nursery and ds school in the last week of term and if it is going around then either of you can bring it into the house from public transport anyway - keeping them home wont help that much.

But get the jab is you're worried.

Both of my dc had it and dd (2) was quite ill - very high temperatures and floppy etc but she always responded to calpol iyswim.

pollyblue · 02/01/2011 20:44

Yes 13 month olds can have the jab, I just checked and my 3 had it last year (were almost 3yrs and 18 months old at the time). Does sound like your DH should get it though, if only to help protect the people he works with.

Seona1973 · 02/01/2011 20:46

your 13 month old wont routinely be offered the jab this year (ds had his last year when it was offered to under 5's) so your gp may not do it for you. It can be given from 6 months.

Sidge · 02/01/2011 20:55

He is being unreasonable.

Viral illnesses are part and parcel of life, especially in the winter. You can reduce your risks by practising good handwashing and using tissues when sneezing or wiping noses - catch it, bin it, kill it.

It would be impractical and slightly ridiculous to hole yourself up all winter in the hope of avoiding a virus. And remember not that many people get true flu (many may say they had flu but they actually had an awful virus).

SlightlyTubbyHali · 02/01/2011 20:59

He is being very unreasonable.

You'd lose a lot of work time by not having childcare and presumably would still have to pay for nursery.

How about he takes your DD for the swine flu jab privately. Costs a fair whack but no doubt less than you'd pay in lost childcare costs.

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