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dh going on the wagon - yet again - after ruining christmas and new year

(94 Posts)
shedsleeper Sun 02-Jan-11 13:53:31

he was on the wagon since the summer. all well and happy - one glip in november
and again since 21st december.
permanently pissed, unreasoanble - ruining chrismtas.
now refusing to get out of bed - -so whats new - says he is giving up the booze.

some words of wisdom needed here.
i am trying and trying not to think about him and his drinking. i have asked him to leave.
he feels of course it is my fault -i have a bad attitude towards his drinking - he shoudl be able to drink - plainly he can't.

SantasENormaSnob Sun 02-Jan-11 13:56:15

Yabu to put up with this shit.

Do you have dcs? If so get him out.

Ime no father is better than an alcoholic one.

shedsleeper Sun 02-Jan-11 13:56:45

i know -
so how?
he wont physically go

shedsleeper Sun 02-Jan-11 13:58:02

actually maybe this should be in the AIBU

shedsleeper Sun 02-Jan-11 13:58:17

shouldnt of course

Aims80 Sun 02-Jan-11 13:59:03

Pack him some bags. Do you know any of his family? Can they help you get him to go? Maybe stay with them for a bit?

shedsleeper Sun 02-Jan-11 14:00:47

did ring his db yesterday - but no reply - did put his db on the phone to him the other day - too upset - i dont know what was said.

how can i rise about it
i have started a diary - which i left out for him to find - but then of course did not want dcs to find.

ManateeEquineOhara Sun 02-Jan-11 14:00:58

My ex was alcoholic. It killed him eventually. His GF found him dead on the bathroom floor having knocked the loo off the wall as he fell. People offered him help and this continued, you do not want to be finding him like my ex's GF

He needs to stop drinking and that has to be his choice/effort not you. I would definitely recommend making him go. I know a friend who called the police when her ex wouldn't physically leave.

So sorry to here your Christmas has been ruined, but get him out and that way it will just be Christmas and not your life

shedsleeper Sun 02-Jan-11 14:01:23

i fear he is using being ill as an excuse - he was ill prior to 21st december - but this isnt just being ill.

ManateeEquineOhara Sun 02-Jan-11 14:01:41


shedsleeper Sun 02-Jan-11 14:02:03

thank you manatee -sad

HaveAHappyNewJung Sun 02-Jan-11 14:02:20

Next time he goes out (to buy more booze maybe?) change the locks?

DooinMeCleanin Sun 02-Jan-11 14:02:31

I wouldn't imediately give up on my marriage tbh. How is he when he is not drinking?

I think the first step would be to get him professional help. WOuld he go to the GP to be refered for addiction counselling and would he join AA?

ManateeEquineOhara Sun 02-Jan-11 14:02:44

Being ill is a reason to look after your body!? Not drink! BTW, it was when my ex was trying to stop but kept restarting that it killed him, it is so dangerous.

shedsleeper Sun 02-Jan-11 14:04:02

i wish him dead at times.

thanks doo -

once/if he is sober i could suggest aa, but he hasnt been sober since 20th december

mamatomany Sun 02-Jan-11 14:05:53

Kick the bugger out, ruined Christmas' will stay in your child/ren's memories for a long term, more than any day to day stuff.
Agree with changing the locks. Put his stuff n bin bags on the door step and tell he might be able to come back when he proves himself.

SantasENormaSnob Sun 02-Jan-11 14:06:08

Dooin, have you ever lived with an alcoholic like the one in the op? There is no marriage whilst in the grips of an alcohol addiction and the dcs need to come first.

Op, perhaps post in relationships?

mamatomany Sun 02-Jan-11 14:06:20

long time not term, sorry.

ManateeEquineOhara Sun 02-Jan-11 14:06:34

I used to wish my ex dead sometimes :s

I don't think you can wait for him to become sober because you could be waiting a long time. I know how crap it feels to have an alcoholic in the house. It is harmful to yourself and to your DCs.

shedsleeper Sun 02-Jan-11 14:07:24

i think one thread is more than enough

HaveAHappyNewJung Sun 02-Jan-11 14:08:26

OMG manatee how awful

I think people who drink sometimes need to reach their own personal 'rock bottom' before turning their lives around. DH was an alcoholic long before I knew him (now perfectly normal IYSWIM so there is hope for your DH) - and with him it was just a sudden realisation that the booze was slowing him down. He was running for a train, very simple but that's when he stopped. You need to work out what would make your DH have that realisation.

ManateeEquineOhara Sun 02-Jan-11 14:09:45

I think you kicking him out could be that realisation. And if not - at least you will be doing the right thing for your children.

shedsleeper Sun 02-Jan-11 14:10:13

does he ever drink now jung - do you?

i think christmas was a worrying time for him - the family and the booze and whatnot

ManateeEquineOhara Sun 02-Jan-11 14:10:23

And yeah, it was awful. Alcohol addiction is evil

DooinMeCleanin Sun 02-Jan-11 14:10:31

No I haven't but I have seen close friends and family suffer from it. I'm not saying the op should continue living with him while he is like this, but if the relationship is fine when he is sober then I wouldn't be so quick to throw my marriage away.

Op - Does he have any family he is close to who would come round and talk to him for you or who he could stay with while he is fighting this?

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