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is this doctor weird or am i over sensitive?

(62 Posts)
DevonDumplin Sat 01-Jan-11 21:46:26

Had my first appointment with a new consultant gynaecologist yesterday and still feeling tearful and like my skin is crawling.

Basically, for health reasons I've not had sex for a few months (which isn't unusual and myself and my very lovely understanding DP manage this pretty well interms of maintaining a close relationship), but when this came up in appointment Dr starts going on about how if I don't ''take his energy'' (i clarified - he means have sex) my DP's going to leave me and I should be making more of an effort to ''pretent there is no pain and you are enjoying it and this will make him happy'' !!!

Then told me during an internal exam that he wants to make me feel glamorous and confident again!!! OMFG I know I'm not looking my best right now but worst timing ever!!! I normally grit my teeth until these things are over but this time I cried so much he started me on anti-depressents, which my GP threw in the bin and replaced with an epic bar of chocolate (bless him)! TBH i felt ridiculous because physically it was no different from any other.

This is the first male gynae (of many) i've seen, and i genuinely think there was no real malice and he was trying to put me at ease but just doesn't have a clue about how to talk to women.

Usually i'd ask to see someone else but he can do an operation in the next month that i waited two years for with my last hospital. And i really need ASAP.

AIBU to think this guy is a total creep or is this just how male gynaes try to talk to us and I should stop putting it off and lay back and think of England?

Ps. My DP thinks that Dr ''isn't getting any'' and wants to thump him.

Altaira Sat 01-Jan-11 21:49:48

Are you in the uk? This sounds inappropriate to me. What did your GP say about all this?

scurryfunge Sat 01-Jan-11 21:50:38

Agree with your DP that the Doctor is projecting his issues on to you. He sounds like an inexperienced chump and should be ignored.
Get the op done and hope he is practically competent and just ignore his ridiculous attempts at "putting you at ease".

AttillaTheMum Sat 01-Jan-11 21:50:40

this doc is a creep. I would report him.

joydivisionovengloves Sat 01-Jan-11 21:51:29

YANBU. That sounds weird, he's well out of order. Sack him off and ask for another doctor.

RudolfThePinkNosedReindeer Sat 01-Jan-11 21:52:16

OMG what a complete creep!!!! That is shocking and completely out of line - I'm not surprised your skin is crawling! I think you should make a formal complaint, especially because he made those comments when you were so physically vulnerable during an internal exam. Is it worth asking your GP if there are any other gynaes you could see at the new hospital?

iloveyankees Sat 01-Jan-11 21:52:47

no I think his comment was bang out of order!you should take this further imo

singingcat Sat 01-Jan-11 21:52:53

Massively crass.

How old was he? Sounds 'old school' to me

GlitteryBalls Sat 01-Jan-11 21:53:28

This does sound very creepy! TBH a Dr who is a gynaecologist should be a bit more sensitive and careful how he speaks and how things can be interpreted as he is working in a very "sensitive" area. Not sure what I would do in your situation but be reassured that you are not being over-sensitive as I would feel exactly the same as you. x

lagrandissima Sat 01-Jan-11 21:53:44

I agree with the other posters. This doctor is insensitive, inappropriate verging on creepy.

Can you request for a female nurse to accompany you for any examinations? Or take your DP with you? Perhaps other posters would be able to discuss any more official action you can take, as I have no direct experience of this. But it might be a good thing to jot down what was said whilst it is fresh in your mind, along with dates, times, location. Just in case you feel that you do want to make an official complaint.

ilovemyhens Sat 01-Jan-11 21:54:05

He's acted totally innapropriately towards you and sounds like a total creep and very unprofessional.

I would not want to go to see that particular gynae again. Is there no other option for you? Perhaps you need to talk to somebody about this.

TheLogLadyMBE Sat 01-Jan-11 21:54:09

um. are you joking?

if not contact the GMC

very very weird, unprofessional and way way out of line.

TheLogLadyMBE Sat 01-Jan-11 21:54:59

and you should have had a chaperone during an internal examination.

AnyoneforTurps Sat 01-Jan-11 21:55:20

As a doctor, I'd say his behaviour was totally inappropriate, though you may be right that it's insensitivity rather than malice. I must say I'm shocked that a gynaecologist would tell a woman to have sex when in pain and pretend to enjoy it.

If I were you, I'd tell your GP - who sounds nice (liking the chocolate "prescription") what happened and ask to be referred to someone else.

Curiousmama Sat 01-Jan-11 21:55:41


Hassled Sat 01-Jan-11 21:56:27

Well your DP sounds lovely and your GP sounds lovely as well. It does sound like you need to wait until after the op is done (although do you trust him for this op? Is he a good doctor aside from being a twat? Does he seem to know his stuff?) before you take this further, but after that then yes, I think you need to say something to someone.

1234ThumbScrew Sat 01-Jan-11 21:57:53

Could you take dh with you next time?

weedle Sat 01-Jan-11 21:59:35

I'm going to go against the grain with regards to his comments during your internal. A consultant said something very similar to me, during an internal. I took it in the way he intended which was he'll soon get it sorted and I'll be feeling good again.

I think perhaps you are being a bit sensitive about that because of his hidiously inappropriate comments about having sex with your hubby. That I would have been upset about.

My friend works in a hospital which mainly deals with lady issues, fwiw their opinion is that a lot of the specialist drs aren't very personable but are "shit hot at what they do"

A1980 Sat 01-Jan-11 22:04:01


It's the comment about sex with your husband that worries me most. What an insensitive prick. It's not his call to advise you on your relatinhsip matters.

I would be making a formal complaint to the hospital and the GMC.

hairyfairylights Sat 01-Jan-11 22:08:19

Completely inappropriate. Just like the male gynae who told me ( not having examined me at all) that I don't have a blocked tube (despite a previous ectopic and a hsg done by an other consultant which shows a blocked tube) . Where do they get these people???!!! Yanbu.

singingcat Sat 01-Jan-11 22:11:52

I think it's different hairyfairy in that your consultant was clinically incompetent. This guy was crass, and it made the OP feel uncomfortable. He needs someone to tell him to rein it in on the lifestyle advice. Some doctors get a bit of a black sense of humour and don't realise how insensitive they are being.

itsawonderfuldarleneconnorlife Sat 01-Jan-11 22:14:40

Please report him. 2 of my friends had a 'creepy' doctor, but he never did anything to them which they felt was worth reporting.

He is now in jail for sexually assaulting several other patients in that surgery sad.

If he's like this with you, he will be like that with other women and maybe much worse. If you leave it you may be leaving him free to abuse others.

taintedsnow Sat 01-Jan-11 22:16:11

I too find this very much the wrong side of acceptable. I'm trying to think of it as a misguided attempt to put you at ease, but I can't make it sit right.

I'd be reporting him as soon as I could. I think you must.

AnyoneforTurps Sat 01-Jan-11 22:17:27

It would be totally reasonable to complain to the hospital. This guy may have been well-intentioned and trying to put you at your ease during the internal - it sounds as if he was trying to say that he was going to make you better, which is obviously a good thing. However the way he put it was clumsy and the comments about your sex life were totally out of order. He is never going to find out that he is upsettting women (I bet you're not the only one) unless he gets some feedback. Write to PALS at the hospital.

Don't be put off all male gynaecologists though. Our local ones are very nice and more sympathetic than the female ones smile.

b1uebells Sat 01-Jan-11 22:19:55

Agree with others about reporting. If you need to keep seeing him to get your op, I'd take your dp in with you or a friend if your dp is working.

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