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To think my Dad is a tosser

(15 Posts)
CherylMolebonkedAshleyVole Fri 31-Dec-10 13:14:10

Have name changed as the source of this barny is so ridiculous (and long!)

Some background:

My parents are both divorced, don't have new partners and get on pretty well in smallish doses, therefore this has been the second xmas that my Mum has invited my Dad over for Xmas, and my Nan (Mum's mum) has been kind enough to have him stay at hers (Mum lives in smallish flat now). Think Mum is a bit of a saint and of course does it for mine and my siblings sake, and for his, as he'd have nowhere else to go.

Anyway, Xmas eve, had a lovely day with Dad and siblings whilst Mum was at work (hadn't seen him since April as he lives away), been to the pub for lunch, and then met Mum from work and went home with her (i'm 35 weeks pg so not drinking and was a bit tired). Dad and siblings come back about 6pm, had had a few drinks but not drunk. We all have dinner then settle down to play board games. This is where it gets ridiculous- Dad and brothers KEEP on farting, not just a couple of mildly amusing rippers, but a constant stream of toxic farts that stink out Mum's place so it's unbearable, and find it hilarious. Mum eventually snaps when Dad let rip once more, and said "if you're all going to keep doing this then you can all clear out and bugger off". Dad takes this to be a so-called 'personal attack' (doesn't apologise for farting) and starts getting shirty. Now i've seen many arguments kick off with my parents before, so desparate to difuse the situation, the only thing I say and felt it was fair to back up my mum, was to say to my Dad and brothers as a collective (NOT even aimed solely at Dad) "come on, it IS getting disgusting now and not funny". My Dad then goes absolutely mental at me, gets all red in the face and gets up close to mine and bellows "SHUT UP, just SHUT UP" sad. He then gets up, storms out and rings a taxi, saying that he's not coming over for Xmas day tomorrow and that he'll drop my Nan off and then drive home. Basically acting like a spoilt brat. We're sat there in shock, and it ends the game and effectively ruins the evening. I'm sat there trying not to cry but don't, as feel I didn't do anything wrong.

Anyway, next day (as I predicted), Dad comes over with Nan, skulks in, no apology to me, and more importantly, no apology to anyone else for ruining the evening, and carries on as if nothing has happened. I'm civil to him for the next couple of days to keep the peace, but spent most of Xmas seething and thinking 'how can everyone else let him get away with this?' confused

He sends me a text a couple of days ago thanking me for the presents and saying it was good to see me. I, for once, decided NOT to text back and i'm thinking 'fuck you' (he has previous for being a bit of a tosser, but all has been forgiven before).

I don't hold a grudge usually and would let things go, but AIBU not to text back or to want someone toxic and who behaves like that in my life anymore? I'm expecting my first baby and I think this has made me feel more like an adult iyswim (even though i'm 27! grin) and that it really is up to me to choose who I have around me, DP and my child? If a friend (or anyone else for that matter) treated me like that, I would expect an apology.

What do you think? AIBU? Sorry, long! sad

carrotcake29 Fri 31-Dec-10 13:23:21

He sounds horribly infantile. If I was in your position I would text back that 'it would have been enjoyable if you hadn't flown off the handle and I expect an apology for the way you shouted at me'. See what happens then...

Katisha Fri 31-Dec-10 13:29:34

AGree with carrot. Although expect further sulking as a result!

CherylMolebonkedAshleyVole Fri 31-Dec-10 13:51:58

Yes, I was thinking I should text something like that Carrot- can't imagine i'll get something sincere back though, but you never know!

carrotcake29 Fri 31-Dec-10 13:59:51

I think it is the right thing because if you don't say something you will forever wish you had. Goodluck - let us know how you get on!!

maddy68 Fri 31-Dec-10 16:08:15

I would just let sleeping dogs lie - your dad knows he was being unreasonable and if you raise it again you will just reopen the wounds.
I speak from experience as someone who fell out with their dad and hasnt spoken to him for about 14 yrs over something equally petty

awubble Fri 31-Dec-10 18:24:32

Out of interest, what would happen if somone kept trying to hold that much gas in ?

I imagine it could end up being quite painful but i don't know. Anyone ?

classydiva Fri 31-Dec-10 18:27:10

Farting in front of your partner, daughter is showing a total lack of disrespect.

Good manners cost nothing.

Rhinestone Fri 31-Dec-10 22:40:25

Yes, he is a tosser. And an aggressive, potentially violent, ungrateful, charmless, uncouth, controlling bully to boot.

I would never be seeing him again personally.

Idlegirl83 Fri 31-Dec-10 23:11:14

Your dad sounds so similar to mine, we could be sisters! Mine got shirty a few years ago about wedding arrangements, flew off the handle and we haven't spoken since. Life is much easier now...I'm also 27 and pregnant with my first child and it has also made me feel that I am now an official grown up and any thoughts I may have had about a reconciliation have gone as I don't want people like him around my child.

SkyBluePearl Sat 01-Jan-11 07:22:16

isn't it awful breathing in someone elses nasty smells! people end to know when they are going to fart and often make an effort to do it in another room (loo?) or outside. i think the problem really lies in how he shouted at you though. he is probably thinking that he can smooth things over - he maynot have realised that he upset you even. best text - you could be honest and say 'you shouting so closely to my face was really aggressive and horrible. I felt so upset xmas day and hoped to recieve an apology'

forehead Sat 01-Jan-11 09:58:08

I agree with the poster who said that you should let sleeping dogs lie, it is just not worth the time or energy. He knows that he behaved badly, but probably does not want to admit it. You are going to be a parent , just concentrate on being a good mother to your child and ignore your childish dad.

theevildead2 Sat 01-Jan-11 12:50:20

If this had just been about some foul wind, I would agree to let sleeping dogs lie. But he was very rude to ignore his hosts requests. And a complete bully to get in a pregnant womans face and scream SHUTUP at her.

Arsehole.

I'd want a sincere apology

OTTMummA Sat 01-Jan-11 12:58:50

I think that the advice of let sleeping dogs lie is utter crud tbh, espcially if he has previous for being a twat.
You don't need him in your life when he behaves like this, and if he can't apologise like a bloody adult then i would personally not go out of my way to have contact with him.
You have much more important things to think and worry about in the very near future, you shouldn't have to be wasting energy on a foul, immature pain in the arse.
I would text him as carrot said and go from there.
actually i probably wouldn't bother to do that, but im in a bad mood so maybe im just mean!

BootyMum Sat 01-Jan-11 16:26:09

Agree with Carrot and OTT. I think you have to make a stand and let him know he has crossed the line. He really cannot do what he likes and expect to get away with no consequences. To be sitting in someone else's home and farting is rude, crude and socially unacceptable. But then to react in such an aggressive and nasty way when he was called on his bad behaviour is utterly disgraceful. If he is allowed to feel he can act like this and no-one will say a thing about it it only teaches him that what he did was okay. And it absolutely wasn't. You should not have to put up with this at any time, especially not when you are pregnant and particularly vulnerable and deserving of special care.
Your father is being a nasty selfish bully and acted disgracefully. You wouldn't allow your future child to act like this to someone I am sure - I wonder if this is what makes it so difficult to confront him, the realistation that your father acted like an out of control toddler and you are in a sense having to take a parental approach with him [rather than his being able to look after your best interests as a father should]. This can feel very uncomfortable to deal with [speaking as someone who also has quite infantile parents]...

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