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To step in when I see what appears to be DV in IKEA?

(101 Posts)
QuietTiger Wed 29-Dec-10 18:44:58

DH and I went to IKEA today because of the sale.

On the way out of the store as we were walking to the car in the carpark, I saw a man screaming at his (sobbing) child who was sat in the passanger seat of his car, with the door open. The woman with the man was also crying. Then the man hit the woman and grabbed the child by the arm and dragged her out of the car, screaming at her to "get in the back seat". He then hit and swore at the woman again.

I couldn't stay out of it - I actually went over and told him he was behaving completely inappropriately and he needed to calm down because he shouldn't be hitting people. DH was behind me (followed me) and the man swore at me, telling me to "mind your own f*cking buisness you stupid whore". At that point DH pulled me away, told me not to get involved and took me off to report it to someone in IKEA, rather than get involved further with the man. He didn't say anything to the man (because he probably would have killed him for being so rude to me), just pulled me away.

We ended up reporting it to IKEA security and passed on the registration number of the car and they took details. I'm inclined to report it to the police too, because as an ex-victim of DV, I don't have a lot of time for men (or women for that matter) who use DV to control their partners.

DH has said that it's up to me, but he'll support me if I make a complaint to the police (which I am seriously considering doing), but a number of people I've told have said I shouldn't get involved at all.

I don't actually think IABU, but would welcome thoughts.

cece Wed 29-Dec-10 18:46:53

I would phone the police and report it, especially as you have the license number. I presume they coudl trace him through that.

domeafavour Wed 29-Dec-10 18:47:22

Of course yanbu, but it could have turned nasty.

Northernlebkuchen Wed 29-Dec-10 18:47:41

If you have the registration yes report it. I expect Ikea may have CCTV of the incident too and that sounds totally out of control. You were very brave to intervene.

BookcaseFullofBooks Wed 29-Dec-10 18:47:42

Good for you! I think too many people stand by and watch things like this happen for fear of getting involved.

JamieLeeCurtis Wed 29-Dec-10 18:48:10

I don't know, having never experienced DV, but I do know my instinct would have been to go over as you did and help the woman and child. I can see why your DH was concerned for your safety, but I agree with you (and him) that a call to the police would be justified. I'd do it. Interested to hear what those who've been on the receiving end of this will say

oldraver Wed 29-Dec-10 18:48:16

Well to those who have told you 'not to get involved' would they feel the same if it was a random man HITTING a woman who wasnt his partner ?

Yes report

poppydog10 Wed 29-Dec-10 18:48:18

i would definately report it. You might possibly prevent something awful happening.

AlistairSim Wed 29-Dec-10 18:48:31

You are most surely not being unreasonable!

Please, please report it to the police as soon as possible.

And well done for saying something.

TotorosOcarnina Wed 29-Dec-10 18:48:57

I would have called the police then and there!

Mowiol Wed 29-Dec-10 18:49:49

You have my complete admiration.

And for what its worth ...... yes, report to Police too.

At least that poor woman and her child will know someone stuck up for them.

Good for you.

saffy85 Wed 29-Dec-10 18:50:14

YANBU if you have the reg number for the car then go ahead and report it- god knows what mood that wanker was in by the time they got home sad. I couldn't do what you did- ie the confrontation I'd have been too frightened.

StealthPolarBear Wed 29-Dec-10 18:50:34

Well done, yes please report. The woman herself might not thank you but her child might, especially if this brings their situation to the attnetion of those who have the power to intervene.

IAmReallyFabNow Wed 29-Dec-10 18:51:10

def report.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo Wed 29-Dec-10 18:51:10

yes do report it straight away. i am a bit 'act now, think later' and i probably would have done the same as you and i would have phoned the police right there infront of him to show him how serious it was, but it probably would have gotten me a slap and a broken phone.

MadamDeathstare Wed 29-Dec-10 18:51:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsKLo Wed 29-Dec-10 18:51:44

You were very brave

Please please report it - that poor child and that poor woman

Please let us know what happens

MumNWLondon Wed 29-Dec-10 18:52:36

You should have called the police there and then. As you didn't probably worth calling your local police station to discuss - they are more likely to take it seriously as there wss a child involved.

VallhalaLalalalalalalalaaaaaa Wed 29-Dec-10 18:53:00

Please report it. You've witnessed a crime and a very nasty one at that. I'd have been on my knees with gratitude had someone had the heart and courage to report my ex when he was violent to me, rather than turning their heads and saying it wasn't anything to do with them.

cluelessnchaos Wed 29-Dec-10 18:53:09

When I was being kicked up and down rose st in edinburgh one young woman tried to stop it, her boyfriend pulled her away. I have never forgotten her and felt grateful for her doing that, it in fact triggered me to go to the police.

clam Wed 29-Dec-10 18:54:50

Well done. You did a courageous thing.
Yes, I think you should report it, although to be honest, I reckon the police won't act unless the woman involved registers a complaint. And Im guessing she won't.

Sadly, I think you were lucky he didn't turn round and hit you also, as well as verbally abusing you. But you can look yourself in the mirror with respect and pride for having spoken up - possibly to compensate for the times in your own past when perhaps you feel you didn't??

I admire you.

JamieLeeCurtis Wed 29-Dec-10 18:54:55

Really glad to hear that someone intervening helped, Valhala and clueless.

hairyfairylights Wed 29-Dec-10 18:55:57

I'd have dialled 999 immediately.

theevildead2 Wed 29-Dec-10 18:56:46

I'd have called 999 at the time, not reported it to IKEA tbh. But still good for you for doing something

TheMonster Wed 29-Dec-10 18:57:04

Do report it. Credit to you for trying to intervene - with a bit of luck it will have made him realise that other people were watching and he might feel some shame.
I'm glad you have the reg number. Use it.

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