I would like to firstly point out that I get on pretty well with my MIL and she is very good with LO (2 months) BUT its starting to really bug me when we go over theirs because she is very grabby and pretty much snatches LO off of anyone who is holding him, including me and DH! DH's poor dad only gets to hold him for a couple of minutes before he gets pinched again. Then LO gets annoyed because she won't leave him alone!
Am I getting annoyed for nothing? DH has noticed it and mentioned it to her but she's just ignored him. Like I say she is good with him but part of me is thinking 'back the fuck off!' I don't really know what to do about it!
Talk to her about it yourself. She probably feels like she can take no notice of your DH because he's her son. It's a bigger deal for her to disregard your wishes though. And after you've asked her not to do it, whenever she goes to take the baby from someone else then intervene and stop her from doing it, saying something lightheartedly like "hang on, it's not your turn yet!". If you keep butting in and stopping her from doing it, eventually she should get the message that you mean it.
Yanbu to feel put out by the grabbiness- there is no need. However I think next time she grabs your baby off you, you need to call her on it then and there. There is no need to snatch a baby from someone like that.
My MIL was the same with DD now aged 3. (first ever grandchild) and still tries to "bagsy" her (can't think of a better word sorry) but hasn't been as successful since DD started walking.
MIL once met her match with my mum though as my mum wasn't aware inlaws were lurking as she sat on the sofa cuddling weeks old DGD. When MIL swooped in to grab DD she got a hard slap on the arm as my mum wasn't expecting it. I had little sympathy. She's lucky my mum had a baby in her arms otherwise she'd have rugby tackled MIL to the floor!
I agree with gently pointing out it's not her turn yet. It seems to have worked here with my parents. Mum was constantly grabbing DS from Dad. Saying things like "oi, he's barely had a cuddle yet" in a jokey way means she now leaves him far longer before asking to have him.
It's just excitement hopefully, but lay down the rules now!
I have this problem with my 7 year old SIL - I just want to scream at her "You are too young to hold my baby on your own/standing up/walking around etc. Leave him alone for 5 minutes he is crying because you are overwhelming him and he doesn't want you right in his face all the time!!!" But that would BVU I know. She's just excited but I can't help my instinct to protect ds.
YANBU but it's hard as she'll be excited to have a grandchild. Believe me, when he's a bit older you'll beg for someone else to take him off your hands for a bit so you can have two hands free and a bit of a break!
If you can't be honest and just say you'd rather she waited a bit, then you could try the "he gets over-anxious when over-stimulated so I'd prefer for him to be cuddled by one person at a time for lengths of time, rather than be passed around so quickly" approach...
Good luck - MILs can be trying (whereas we saintly DILs are simply saintly! )
If you like her and have a good relationship generally, I would tend to ignore it or make a joke of it - older babies are very wriggly, and if they don't want to be held, you know about it, so it will naturally pass. It's a "pick your battles" thing, I think.