Will Christmas ever be a rest again?!(12 Posts)
Hello people, I am new to this site and in need of some sage words of comfort from those who know!
I am a fairly new mum with a 2yr old and 1yr old boys and am a stay at home mum pretty much since my eldest was born.
I gave up a good job, very willingly I might add, as wanted nothing more than to start a family with my DH
We are v lucky and fundamentally happy. He is a rock, very hands on when he is home from work and the in-laws are too so we do get some support from them.
I was so looking forward to Christmas but have not felt at all Christmassy, just extra worn out at all the organising and rushing around. I find myself looking at the decorations thinking (or groaning) that they all need to be put away again soon!!
I am feeling disillusioned about motherhood as just never get a moment to myself and even when I do I feel its never enough! Its such hard work and you're never off shift. The kids go to bed at 7pm and we're in bed by 9am just to cope with the next day.
I feel like I want the world to go on pause for 3 days so I can 'catch up' and refresh and then we can go again!!
I catch myself wondering 'is this really what life is all about?!'
Oh god, am starting to bore myself going on like this but Christmas has just felt like bloody hard work this year and I can't see it or the day to day changing anytime soon!!
Send me good news that things get easier as the kids get older.....!! Sorry to join you on a moan peeps, just need some thoughts from those who are in the same stage as me xx
No, it is exhausting. And Christmas dinner never tastes the same when you cook it yourself.
But your dc are very little and close together too - it does get easier as they get older, but ime there is still an awful lot of drudgery...
No real advice, just sympathy as am in v similar situation to you, and I said to my mum today how I wished I'd appreciated the relaxing stress free Christmases I had as a child and a teenager more, as it really is a long slog now-and I have a very helpful DP.
I find it helps to view Xmas as work and I get my rest when ds returns to school in Jan- although it's not really as still have dd to look after!
I think you need to separate caring for your children from caring for your home.
IMO (and IME), lots of people think that because you're a SAHM, that suddenly all the domestic chores/responsibilities fall upon your shoulders, when actually the reason you're at home is because you want to care for your children.
Don't get me wrong - if you're at home all the time, then obviously it makes sense for certain things to become your 'remit' - e.g. being at home when the gas man comes, or overseeing building work, or taking postal deliveries - or whatever - but it doesn't mean that your DH no longer has any domestic responsibilities. After all, looking after your children is a full-time job, just as is his.
So - starting from now - make it very clear that there are certain things that he will be asked to do/take responsibility for.
So that when next Christmas comes around you can be very clear about what he is going to do/what you expect him to do.
I cooked Christmas dinner for my parents for the first time this year (at the age of 33 ), and I know my mum found it really relaxing, so maybe the answer is to train our dcs to 'do' xmas as soon they are old enough!
yes it gets easier and better and fantastic and fun and amazing and I disagree with the poster that said that christmas dinner never tastes the same when you cook it yourself. I really loved what we did this year it was yummy and fun and everyhting was delicious and I had such a lovely Christmas dinner with our family..
but when they where small I remember being very tired a lot of the time
I too have been fondly remembering all those years of being oblivious to the effort my mum put into the whole thing and taking it for granted that Christmas = a break!!
Unfortunately my hubby's job is seasonal and he is incredibly busy this time of year and so all his house and dad jobs pass to me. Thinking about it this is the first year this has really kicked in and probably took more out of me than I realised. I will have to plan in some more help from probably grandparents next year - but I do get tired of having to rely and ask them for help all the time! Am sure they must be sick of it!
I can't WAIT for term time to start so eldest can go back to play school. I find myself wishing the next few years away....
I bought everything, wrapped everything, worked, Had 2.7yr old DS running rings, I'm 5 months pregnant, while I was cooking dinner my OH went back to bed for a couple of hours! He was tired poor thing! Has been one long stress this year!
I'm coming back as a man, the I can sit on my arse moaning all day about the expense/stress of Xmas when I ain't lifted a finger!
Totally empathize OP! I'm worn out!
It can't get any harder than what you are doing at the moment - two very young boys, close in age.
It can only get easier and you'll have more time to do things for yourself as they grow older. I know it doesn't feel like it atm.
When my children were little, I shopped for Christmas really early. By the 1st of November, all of the presents were bought.
On Christmas Day I bought absolutely everything ready made, from Marks & Spencer. I ordered it to collect the day before Christmas Eve and would send my husband to collect it. Everything - roast potatoes, gravy, the lot. That meant I only had to spend half an hour or so in the kitchen. The food was just as nice, too!
I also changed the clocks so that when it was actually 6pm they read 7pm (their bed time.) They were proud of being able to tell the time and I was proud of my deceit!
Don't worry. Lots of us idealise what it will be like to be at home with our children, it's no easier or harder than most other people's lot. I think we just feel guilty because we were led to believe that it would be all walks in the park and making gingerbread men. A lot of SAHMs seem reluctant to admit to the downside, which can be a bit misleading.
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