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not to make the Christmas stuffing? Completely petty problem

(49 Posts)
Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 23-Dec-10 23:42:07

In-laws staying for Christmas. Get along fine with them, but you know, there's always tension between different families all of whom have The Right And Only Way To Do Christmas.

Have gone to lots of effort & expense - turkey, ham, trimmed tree, beautifully wrapped presents, etc. Have dealt with their scoffing at the notion that Christmas afternoon will involve board games (my family's tradition). All fine, really, everyone's feeling the goodwill, the day will be alright.

But I do balk at being sent a sheet of recipes for their brandy cream, butter, stuffing, etc. And their stuffing involves three kinds of meat and a tin of foie gras, and I don't know, it just pushes me over the edge and into 'this is just obscene consumption'. I can afford it (in the sense that I won't be unable to meet bills, but I do feel like I'm haemorrhaging money this year) but, still, I know it's a feast and all but - foie gras? Really?

But it's just stuffing, and they'll probably be hurt if I don't make it.

So, I genuinely don't know, here: AIBU to make a more scaled-down stuffing?

usualsuspect Thu 23-Dec-10 23:43:19

Aunt Bessies wink

stnikkilarse1978 Thu 23-Dec-10 23:45:35

They send you recipes to make for them! If I could figure out how to do a shocked face on this damn phone I would do several. If they want it tell them to fucking make it themselves!

tulpe Thu 23-Dec-10 23:46:19


Make your own version. Thank ILs for recipes but explain that with all the work of Christmas prep it is much easier to stick with what you know.

On the one hand, perhaps it was an attempt at being helpful. On the other, perhaps it was a control freakery thing to do.

MerrilyDefective Thu 23-Dec-10 23:47:17

We ALWAYS have beef for Christmas dinner...
BUY the fucking stuffing
They will not notice the difference...

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 23-Dec-10 23:50:54

Well to be fair, the other recipes were like "Brandy Cream: get some cream, and an egg white, and add some brandy". But I do always make this ridiculously complicated Malaysian pickle for them because It's Just Not Christmas without it, which takes two pans, a sieve, and about eleventy billion bowls. So, there's that.

(Oooh, ask me about yesterday, when my MIL rocked up after I'd just finished making that pickle thing, after a day wherein I cooked three meals, scrubbed the house, did three loads of laundry, laid out nice guest towels on their nice guest bed, moved furniture around to make sure they had bedside tables, put out a thoughtful selection of books for them, and did I mention I have a two year old? And while I was making her a cup of tea what did she say? She said "God, haven't you bothered to do your dishes yet?")

(Maybe don't ask me, actually)

FabbyChic Thu 23-Dec-10 23:51:43

Ask them to bring it with them, say you are more than sure they would make it better than you ever could! ;)

Himalaya Thu 23-Dec-10 23:52:43

Your inlaws are not related to Marney are they ?!?

YANBU... your house, your stuffing. It will be fine even if it is only Paxo.

tethersjinglebellend Thu 23-Dec-10 23:54:38

Sawdust is a cheap and filling alternative.

Mowiol Thu 23-Dec-10 23:57:59

Who sends recipes???
They have been invited to your home.
They should accept/decline the invitation graciously ..... and if they have accepted they should bloody well "go with the flow".
How rude to send "requests" for recipes.

And I thought my MIL was mad.... well, thats another story. She is a bit mad... but not in a good way IYKWIM.

Anyhoo .... do your own thing and brook no interference.
If they have "ishoos" just state your position. For example, sweetly say, "Oh, I always use this stuffing recipe, but never mind, you don't have to eat it if you don't want to"

Puts them on the back foot.

chillichill Thu 23-Dec-10 23:58:03

why would you waste fois gras in stuffing. that us totally unreasonable.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Fri 24-Dec-10 00:01:46

Gosh, I was expecting more IABU responses, actually.

It's not just the foie gras, though. There are turkey gizzards involved.

(Sausage, bacon, foie gras and turky gizzards or chicken liver, if anyone cares. Oh, and fried bread.)

I'd better find a good stuffing recipe now, though. Can't really reject theirs and go with something crap.

ChaoticChristmasAngelCrackers Fri 24-Dec-10 00:02:48

grin @ sawdust.

Tell them that you're morally opposed to foie gras.

ShanahansRevenge Fri 24-Dec-10 00:03:23

YANBU...use Paxo and as you serve say "I do hope you enjoy this was my Mothers recipe"

And wait to see if they contradict you. grin

MrMananger Fri 24-Dec-10 00:05:56

Sounds like a grim stuffing recipe.
YANBU, you're the host, if they want their own stuffing they should host at their own home! Ungrateful sods.

zipzap Fri 24-Dec-10 00:10:05

How often do you have Christmas at yours vs Christmas at PIL? Given that you have done one weird thing that is a traditions of theirs in the malaysian pickle, perfectly reasonable to just do your recipes for your more ordinary traditional things.

(not wishing to make your traditional things sound ordinary, just that most families will probably have their traditional way of doing stuffing, brandy butter (sorry hadn't ever heard of brandy cream before though. not sure I fancy it now if it has raw egg white in!), but not many families will have traditional malaysian pickle) OK so will stopping digging myself into the hole now smile

Work out a nice line to say along the lines of 'this is proper stuffing etc silly PIL My house, my traditions, your house, your traditions' and say that it never feels like christmas until you have had your own recipe stuff and that you make the one that your family likes best.

Then type up all your recipes and send them to your MIL next time you get invited there for xmas; if she makes yours for you then you know you were right yours are best next time they come to you, you might have to make her version for her too. Otherwise never have to make her version for her again grin

Probably little consolation but whenever my dad's mum came for xmas lunch with us or her other DIL she would always bring a big dish of 'her' special stuffing (lots of sausage meat and sage I think) that she would eat, dad would eat a bit but lots got left. Mum would always do her own stuffing (fresh breadcrumbs, melted butter and thyme, pinch of salt, very simple but heaven, even dh is a complete convert) and it was the best bit of the meal, no matter how much mum made there was never enough. My nan could just never understand it grin but still kept turning up with her 'proper' stuffing!

Katey1010 Fri 24-Dec-10 03:11:54

Foie Gras: Animal rights and welfare groups such as People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA),[1] Farm Sanctuary[2] and the Humane Society of the United States[3] contend that foie gras production methods, and force feeding in particular, consist of cruel and inhumane treatment of animals. Specific complaints include livers swollen to many times their normal size, impaired liver function, expansion of the abdomen making it difficult for birds to walk, death if the force feeding is continued, and scarring of the esophagus. (Wikipedia)

See if they still feel hungry after reading that!

SkiingGardeningTwinklyBauble Fri 24-Dec-10 03:53:31

YANBU. I mean really! What sort of entitled ingrates send recipes! How rude! I would go with the "my house, mostly my traditions, here have some Malaysian pIckle" line. But say how you are looking forward to trying their stuffing when they host. If I was feeling evil I would also request something that was a complete nuisance to cook at theirs to get even for the pickle! I hope it's nice after all that effort!

WrappedandTagged Fri 24-Dec-10 04:21:11

Paxo sage and onion is the nicest anyway.

I have tried all sorts of posh types, but always end up slightly regretting the lack of styrofoam paxo. Somehow it's not Christmas without it. No-one agrees with me though.

This year I have a little box all for me.

Morloth Fri 24-Dec-10 04:30:44

I don't even like Foie Gras but now I know it would piss of PETA I think I will go get some.

Seriously Tortoise just do your own thing, it is your house and your kitchen and your time, they will eat it and be grateful and if they are not, tell them to get stuffed. wink

I do a veggie stuffing:

Lots of white bread crumbs (keep some of the bits chunky)
A good shake of garlic powder
A good shake of dried onions
A really good shake of ground sage
bit of salt
couple of handfuls of chopped green beans
2 chopped spring onions
a packet of pecans (some crushed up a bit and some whole)
2 eggs
about 150gms melted butter
squidge it together, if it is a bit dry you can toss in another egg or some more butter or maybe some milk.
Whack it in a tray and bake covered at about 160 for 30 mins and then take the foil off and back for another 20 or so at 180. Just keep half an eye on it so it doesn't burn.

Is yum.

Katey1010 Fri 24-Dec-10 05:17:23

now I know it would piss of PETA I think I will go get some I think that me giving up vegetarianism after 8 years to eat KFC will have pissed them off more. It wasn`t even very nice.

beijingaling Fri 24-Dec-10 05:36:26

YANBU. Our (very easy) family stuffing recipe is:

1 apple
1or two slices of bread
1 onion
3 sage leaves
Lots of salt and pepper

Blend or grate the apple, onion, sage and breadcrumbs. Consistency should be wet but not sloppy. Add 2nd slice of bread if needed. Add salt and pepper to taste. Insert into turkey.


Morloth Fri 24-Dec-10 05:50:20

I think pissing off PETA is always worth a bit of effort. Bunch of attention whores IMO.

I don't mind attention whores as long as they are honest and don't pretend to be more 'worthy'.

Katey1010 Fri 24-Dec-10 05:53:12

YABU, Morloth. I LOVE the moral high ground, the view is spectacular!

diddl Fri 24-Dec-10 06:00:14

You shouldn´t make the stuffing on the grounds that it sounds awful imo.

And they are disgustingly rude to send recipes.

That must be the height of bad manners.

If their Christmas dinner is so great they should stay at home & make it themselves!

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