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AIBU not to want to cook christmas dinner EVERY year?

(25 Posts)
tinkselgirl Thu 23-Dec-10 12:04:38

just once, I'd like my DSis to offer to do christmas dinner. AIBU to want this?

to give some background... I've cooked dinner now every year apart from 2 in the past 15 years. One year I was 4 days of my due date and point blankly refused to do it, didn't expect DSis to do it then as she had just had DN 7 days before and the other year I was invited to SIL house.

every year we have DSis, DN and BIL as well as auntie, uncle, dad and step mum. just once I'd like for her to offer to do it and to have the expense of it.

I even thought that with the snow, I might get out of it but even that's against me now and it's starting to bloody thaw. AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH

belgo Thu 23-Dec-10 12:05:23

Why do you invite them?

belgo Thu 23-Dec-10 12:06:39

And why is it we always expect women to do it, either ourselves or other women? What about your uncle, dad or BIL?

Pheebe Thu 23-Dec-10 12:08:12

Do you have such a poor realtionship with your sister that you can't just say shall we have christmas at your this year?

JuicyLips Thu 23-Dec-10 12:11:02

Dh did most of last year, I helped serve up but I didn't do too much. This year we will both have designated jobs which makes it so much easier. Just dont suggest doing it if you really dont want to.

FabbyChic Thu 23-Dec-10 12:12:03

Tbf it is only a roast dinner.

tinkselgirl Thu 23-Dec-10 12:12:39

TBH have no idea why I invite them, I suppose it because it's always been like that. If I didn't invite them then I'd still be annoyed becuase DSis would just go to aunties house and expected to be waited on.

uncle wouldn't have a clue how to make a sandwich never mind xmas dinner, dad's house way too small to get us all in.

swanandduck Thu 23-Dec-10 12:13:05

Just ask her to take over next year and give you a break or at least suggest she cook the ham and make the trifle or whatever.

nomoreheels Thu 23-Dec-10 12:14:38

Yup, you are going to have to have a chat. It's common to take turns. Not just with your DSis though- why aren't the other family members getting involved either? Sounds a bit odd.

shock that you have had to shoulder the cost all the time too, that is just plain rude and cheeky. Do they not even bring something to drink? I couldn't afford to feed and provide booze for a group.

tinkselgirl Thu 23-Dec-10 12:14:53

I've asked her to bring the starter this year and FFS you should have seen her face drop. We are only having prawn cocktail.

It would just be nice for her to offer.

tinkselgirl Thu 23-Dec-10 12:16:34

am going out now to tackle tesco's so will check back later... if I survive grin

swanandduck Thu 23-Dec-10 12:18:03

To be honest I think all your relatives should offer to bring something to take the expense off you.

JuicyLips Thu 23-Dec-10 12:18:55

Or maybe treat yourself next year and go out for dinner instead!

mrsoliverramsay Thu 23-Dec-10 12:19:16

I am dying to cook christmas dinner one year. I always go to my sisters which has turned into a tradition so don't get the chance. They come to ours for New Year but I just buy buffet food so I can concentrate on my wine. I quite like cooking

Mumwithareindeertattoo Thu 23-Dec-10 12:26:21

I imagine they all think you enjoy it and would be insulted if someone else suggested they do it. Next just say you'd rather not do it and let someone else step up.

Balsam Thu 23-Dec-10 12:33:37

FFS just don't offer to do it. You're creating your own problem here by inviting everyone. Next year, say nothing and if any of them ask, just say 'Oh, we don't fancy doing it this year, we need a break'. Then one of them will HAVE to step into the breach.

YANBU to not want to do it every year but only you have the power to change it.

upahill Thu 23-Dec-10 12:40:06

I totally agree with Balson.

I have never even cooked a Christmas Dinner in 27 years of living away from home let alone have extended family round. It would drive us mad here!

swanandduck Thu 23-Dec-10 12:58:17

Could be dangerous Balsam. They might just automatically arive on OPs doorstep on assumption it's Christmas as usual.

yama Thu 23-Dec-10 13:04:57

Agree with whoever said it was unreasonable to always expect a woman to do it.

In the 16 years I've been a grown up I have never once made a Christmas meal or spent Christmas in my own house. Has always been my Dad or more recently my MIL. Always help though or do the dishes.

Katisha Thu 23-Dec-10 13:06:21

YANBU but nothing will change if you don't say something.

MumNWLondon Thu 23-Dec-10 13:15:04

Well its your fault for offering and inviting.

Drop hints during dinner this year - oh (DSis) wouldn't it be nice if we came to your house next year instead?

Hopefully then she'll say yes, and you can remind her nearer the time.

If she isn't keen then just don't invite and say you fancy a year off doing the entertaining.

AMumInScotland Thu 23-Dec-10 13:16:06

YANBU to not want to do it. But YA(a bit)U to expect your sister to suddenly offer to do it, when you haven't told her that you're unhappy with the current arrangement. She may think you like doing it, or she may just be lazy or tight or not have thought about it at all. But what she is not is a mind-reader.

So, don't simmer silently about always being the one to do it - if you want a change, make that change!

tinkselgirl Thu 23-Dec-10 14:08:08

thanks for all the replies, have managed to survive tescos' really wasn't as bad as normal.

I think next year I'll just say quiet and see what happens.

BettyCash Thu 23-Dec-10 14:32:51

Go for a curry. Problem solved.

purpleduck Thu 23-Dec-10 14:41:47

NO!!! Don't stay quite - fast forward a year and you'll be organising everything at the last minute because they've decided to go to friends who have invited them because you didn't invite them grin

Can't you just say "Christmas round yours next year?" If they say no they say no - at least you'll know whats going on.

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