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AIBU not to want ils to come for Boxing Day?

(15 Posts)
2muchtodo2littletime Tue 21-Dec-10 20:14:50

Ok for past 6 yrs my mil fil sil(and family) and other sil have come to ours on Boxing Day and its ok as we dont have to go out and can relax a bit. It is annoying as they arent the types to help out with cooking, washing up etc but I ignore this to an extent.
Anyway 6 wks ago I had a major op that has affected my mobility, cant drive, lift kids etc. This means I cant get out to the shops etc and has been quite stressful as dh isnt the most helpful (although I think he is a bit more appreiciative on what I do!). Since tne op I've not seen any of ils even though I've needed help getting kids to school etc. I have no family nearby and ils live about 20mins away.
I've told dh that I dont think I can manage 12 people on Boxing Day, especially knowing I'll have to do it all on my own. He told his family and now they're all apparently annoyed at me as they were all looking forward to it.

autodidact Tue 21-Dec-10 20:16:26

yanbu. You should go to theirs instead.

rubyslippers Tue 21-Dec-10 20:16:47


Or why don't you ask them to come but they bring food etc as you sound failry incapaciatated

BumptiousandBustly Tue 21-Dec-10 20:16:49

YANBU - but you know that!

scurryfunge Tue 21-Dec-10 20:17:31

Can you change the rules so that everyone brings something suitable for a buffet and on the condition that everyone mucks in with tidying away, etc?

WhereYouLeftIt Tue 21-Dec-10 20:18:21

YANBU, not by a long chalk. Although, I'd have maybe considered leaving it all to DH and taking to my bed for the day. <evil>

2muchtodo2littletime Tue 21-Dec-10 20:20:50

WhereYouLeftIt - Great Idea wink

jellycat Tue 21-Dec-10 20:20:52

IME even if you ask people to bring food and ask for help with clearing away on the day etc the host still ends up doing most of the work. (everyone descends on us every year!). I'd try and avoid having them over at all if I were you. It doesn't sound like they'll be happy being asked to help anyway.

curlymama Tue 21-Dec-10 21:32:54

If DH told them you wouldn't be able to manage, with good reason, then they are being ungrateful twats, first for being annoyed with you, and second for not offering to do it this year.

Is there a reason they couldn't do it?

ohbabybaby Tue 21-Dec-10 21:47:03

I notice you say they are 'apparently' annoyed. Are you sure? They might have said 'oh that's a shame we were really looking forwards to it' (with no critisism intended). Your DH might have misinterpretted if he felt bad about cancelling?

Jux Tue 21-Dec-10 22:31:08

Cancel it. Give dh a list of what you need and a list of what has to be done, then leave him to it.

If they insist then make individual lists for each of them as above and present them as they arrive. Then do not move except to get to table to eat and back to comfy chair in front of tv. With bottle.

Exercise your power.grin

greenbananas Tue 21-Dec-10 22:37:16

YANBU. Especially if the very idea exhausts you.

If you can face it, and if they are really keen on coming to yours (do you maybe have the best house-space for an event like this?) then could they maybe work together to bring a picnic style buffet with paper plates etc. so that there is no preparation or washing up? You could perhaps co-ordinate it and tell people what they should bring?

Depends on the kind of relationship you have with them really. Hope it all works out for you.

perfectstorm Tue 21-Dec-10 22:37:39

YANBU at all. They are for not understanding, IMO.

panettoinydog Tue 21-Dec-10 22:50:34

yanbu, not at all

Monty27 Tue 21-Dec-10 22:53:26

YANBU. Of course they were looking forward to it, cheeky sods.

At a push I think for them to bring stuff is a good idea but ultimately I think they should be catering for you and your family.

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