My nan has this annoying habit of never saying no to visitors or a phone call, no matter who is there or what she is doing. I have been sat there before and she has been on the phone to my aunt for 45 minutes because she won't say "CCL (or anyone else) is here, I'll ring you back later". I actually find it quite rude when you have visitors or are visiting and you sit on the phone to someone for ages.
Sometimes I have been there or my grandad has told me, that X has phoned (could be anyone) and they are nipping around at a slightly inappropriate time (ie, when they are in the middle of getting eat ready or about to eat tea), but my nan still won't say "I'm in the middle of tea" etc, she always just says "yes thats fine, come on up" which drives my grandad mad, and it would me as well.
Had a conversation with her this evening as my sister was suppose to be coming to me today but texted at the last minute to say she had a headache and she would come on thursday when I have my brother and his DP over. She didn't ask if this was ok, just said thats when she was coming. I have a tiny house which is going to be a bit cramped with that many of us and my other brother had already asked what I was doing thursday and I said "xxxx and xxxx are coming up". I haven't been well the last few days, I am heavily pregnant and have DS (2.11). These visits all require me going out and picking them up and dropping home again.
I won't put my sister off as I haven't seen her for a little while but I was considering it and saying to my nan when she said "but you can't tell someone that they can't come!" in a really shocked voice.
Why not? Do you always have to accept visitors when they want to come even if its not entirely convenient? I haven't seen my brother for ages either and it was his DP who arranged with me to come up and visit us.
Personally I don't see anything wrong with saying that it isn't convenient but my nans reaction was surprising so I wondered if there is some sort of ettiquette that I am unaware of where you should just let people come when they want?
AIBU?
to actually say no to people visiting sometimes?
CrazyChristmasLady · 21/12/2010 19:45
I think it's an older generation thing - ''controlled by the telephone''!! My parents will never ever let the phone pick up a message for them, if they are in. They think it's rude to NOT answer! drives me mad too. I tell them to ignore it if it's bad timing and they look at me like i asked them to put their cat to sleep! 
That generation seem to treat the ringing of the phone like a royal summons - probably dating back to the 1960s or 1970s when they first got a phone installed, calls were rare and must have been important of the person wouldn't have called!
My MIL will answer the phone if it starts ringing as she's coming in the front door: she's puffing and panting, standing there in her coat, hat and scarf. 
We know how to screen calls. 
norfolkBRONZEturkey 
, sorry to hear that.
My PIL aren't lonely, believe me. They're in Ireland, so we get over when we can. They're reluctant to travel over to us, as FIL hates being away from home, but they have son, DIL and granddaughters about 10 minutes away,and another son and DIL about 2 hours away who visit often. They are very active in the local church and have neighbours on the same road that they socialise with.
It's not rude in the slightest.
It's give and take. It's beyond rude, imho, to just expect a host to be happy with the whim of a guest - no one in my family would ever put me in that situation, I'd have to nip it in the bud if they ever did. Our house is small, and can't really cope with more than 3 or 4 visitors at once. Besides, I want to enjoy my time with the guests. If it's begrudged, what's the point?
Visiting should be at a mutually convenient time and place. It's that one of the fundamentals of basic manners?
Can't believe anyone would just impose themselves on you like that/speak on the phone for 45 minutes whilst you visited
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