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To agress with my OH that my behaviour was unreasonable?

(24 Posts)
MountainDew Mon 20-Dec-10 21:40:39

I went out last Friday with some friends. It was a last minute spur of the moment thing, and I said to OH "I won't get drunk and will be home on the last bus" (around 11.30pm).

We have a 17 month old who is breastfed and co-sleeps. He wakes most nights to nurse. We didn't prepare for me to go out, ie. express any milk, and I had to work the next day. I am casually employed so if I don't work I don't get paid.

I got very very VERY drunk. To the point that I was sick and thrown out of the club. I also ignored my mobile all evening and crawled home at 3.30am in a taxi.

My LO was awake and upset and nothing would settle him. I breastfed him and he fell asleep. OH was very angry. We all went to bed - and woke up in the morning with my toddler's breath smelling of alcohol, OH very tired and angry and me with a horrible hangover. I called in sick at work and then spent the day apologising and grovelling to LO and OH.

We all agreed I was an idiot, and it won't happen again.

Then today I spoke to my friends and my sister about it. And they all say my OH is making a big deal of nothing, and that I am entitled to a night out once in a while. (I last went out in January) They think my OH is being unreasonable and should be abe to settle our son to sleep on his own and should deal with the situation that I am not there if it crops up. They said "he would probably do the same." and "he's had nights out/weekends away. Why can't you?".

But I think they are missing the point. If my OH said he would be soberly arriving home on the last bus, but clattered through the door 4 hours later drunk as a skunk I would be fuming.

I was clearly unreasonable. Wasn't I?

OldLadyKnowsNothing Mon 20-Dec-10 21:42:22

Yes, you were. And you've acknowledged it to those who matter.

JodiesMummy Mon 20-Dec-10 21:44:25

You were U but its not the end of the world and your LO will be ok. You are the one who feels the worst guaranteed.

But dont flog yourself with it.

MamaDeer Mon 20-Dec-10 21:44:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spidermama Mon 20-Dec-10 21:45:32

Yes Y certainly were B ridiculously U.

It's a nightmare for your dh to be left with a baby who can only settle with breastmilk. It was probably pretty shit for your baby too.

Also getting so hammered that booze comes out in the milk is a really bad idea.

However, you'd done it now. It's stressful having as baby who feeds and night so I guess you just reacted to the stress.

Not your finest hour but forgive yourself and move on.

BeerTricksPotter Mon 20-Dec-10 21:46:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alarkaspree Mon 20-Dec-10 21:47:45

Your friends probably feel a bit responsible for your behaviour (not that they should) so they are trying to convince myself that it wasn't so bad.

Just ignore them, you were very irresponsible and you know it, and your dh has forgiven you and you won't do it again. You can all move on.

TheFarSide Mon 20-Dec-10 21:47:51

Yes you are reasonable to agree with him that you were unreasonable (phew) and he was probably worried about you too.

BTW, when you say "we all agreed I was an idiot" do you mean your baby too?

<imagining baby nodding that mummy is an idiot>

wintersnuffle Mon 20-Dec-10 21:49:31

I don't really get why a 17 month old couldn't have cow's milk if you weren't there or had drunk too much? Even semi-skimmed as a one off would surely be better than toddler getting enough alcohol to have boozy breath confused?

JodiesMummy Mon 20-Dec-10 21:52:32

I think the same Winter. I think nightfeeding and over-dependency on breast milk into the toddler months is a bit much to be honest - no wonder you needed a break!

LadyBiscuit Mon 20-Dec-10 21:52:52

Bollocks. There is no way your LO's breath smelt of alcohol.

JodiesMummy Mon 20-Dec-10 21:55:32

I thought that as well LB. Perhaps it was the bedroom that smelt of alcohol I know ours hums when we have been to the pub.

SantasENormaSnob Mon 20-Dec-10 21:56:18

You were vvu.

ilovemyfestivehens Mon 20-Dec-10 21:58:23

You shouldn't co sleep when you're drunk. You are at risk of rolling onto the child and suffocating it. The same goes for sleeping medication or sedative drugs.

MountainDew Mon 20-Dec-10 21:59:22

Ah yes sorry - a bit of a flair in my writing. The whole babies breath smelt of alcohol comment was a bit of a jokey exaggeration, I just meant I was far too drunk to be breastfeeding.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo Mon 20-Dec-10 22:00:17

erm perhaps the baby didn't want cows milk. perhaps he wanted breastmilk as he is used to it every night.

i doubt his breath smelt of booze either. and if it did it was probably because the alcohol was coming out through your pores rather than in your milk. (not saying the alcohol didn't come through in teh milk, justthat it wouldn't have been enough to make teh breath smell)

MamaDeer Mon 20-Dec-10 22:01:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JodiesMummy Mon 20-Dec-10 22:02:47

Agree MD.

FunkySnowSkeleton Mon 20-Dec-10 22:03:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tootlesmummy Mon 20-Dec-10 22:03:58

YABU but you've already acknowledged it so I wouldn't beat yourself up anymore and please I know your friends and sister are probably trying to make you feel better but do not listen to them!

They are right to say you should be able to have a night out but you should plan it better so that your OH and LO do not suffer because of it.

BeerTricksPotter Mon 20-Dec-10 22:04:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wintersnuffle Mon 20-Dec-10 22:07:41

Just to be clear I don't have a problem with toddlers having night feeds of breastmilk (and neither did DS) but surely as a one off a bit of improvisation is possible? I'd be disappointed if DP didn't manage to sort DS out with something available to him by the time he was 17 months.

That said crawling home 4 hours late is pretty U so I'd have to agree with you there.

ravenAK Mon 20-Dec-10 22:09:39


Yeah, you were fairly daft - you should've a) had some EBM in the freezer against this sort of thing & b) have rung once it became clear that you were on a session, so OH knew not to worry...

Still, you & OH have resolved the situation & you'll know for next time. Don't beat yourself up over it!

MadamDeathstare Mon 20-Dec-10 22:14:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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