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to be sick sore and tired of hearing "she's not happy"

(53 Posts)
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo Mon 20-Dec-10 20:13:00

this is a rant. i probably am BU but i need to vent.

sister went to OZ 5 weeks ago. from the day and hour she left all I've heard from both her and my parents is that she's not happy.

in fact it started before she went. she was flying with my cousin and his girlfriend, nowhere arranged to stay when they arrived but there has been a huuuuge number of young people from my local town, including another cousin going to melbourne this year. they are all living together inhouses of 10-20 people, room sharing and by the looks of the photos on Fb they are having a blast, drinking lots, partying lots, working sporadically and partying more. Dssi knew all this before deciding to go. she had seen all the photos and status updates. but a week before went she had wobble (understandably) that she wouldn't get on with "these people" because she doesn't drink at all, isn't into partying, likes her home comforts and 'clean' living conditions. i told her at the time, she was just nervous about leaving home, this was just a cold feet moment, she would love it when she got there, she didn't have to stay with my cousin and the others etc but that if she really didn't think she would like it then she could pull out now (mum and dad are financing this so she wasn't losing any money by cancelling). she decided to go.

when she got there she did nothing but complain about having to share a room, not getting on with the people, having to drive them everywhere because she was the only teetotaller (she could have said no!!) having to do all the cleaning and dishes (again, her choice). she planned to leave and find a ranch to work on for the year. said she couldn't stand the people she wa living with but made no effort to look for a job or to move on to a hostel and look for a ranch from there (mum has put ALOT of money in her account so that wasn't an issue).

so mum, panicing about her not being happy, got a contact number for the nephew of a colleague and gave it to Dsis. this colleague was travelling out there herself but not for a few weeks after dsis had arrived. mum agreed with colleague that when she got tehre she would ring Dsis and she could come and stay with her and her Dbro at his ranch to see how she liked it but that Dsis should contact her nephew in teh meantime to arrange staying with him as she was so unhappy. Dsis contacted him, had a chat but made NO plans to visit him. carried on whingeing about hating the place she was in and then finally, 2 days before the lease was up on her house mum arranged for colleague to call her nephew and ask if Dsis could stay with him. so all arranged for her, Dsis set off arrived with him, but wasn't happy, again. apparently they weren't really alike. so after a few days anotehr cousin who is also in OZ offered for her to come and stay with her. she did, had a great time (rarity) and then met up with mum's colleage and set off for the ranch. this family have offered for her to be with them over xmas but she isn't happy because she would have to sleep on the floor, so she is owndering whether she should go back to my cousin for xmas (hasn't asked cousin, is just wondering hmm).

anyway, she is now at the ranch and isn't happy because they take 2 hours for every meal and are really laid back, the rain is preventing them from getting much done so she is bored. she isn't paying any keep so this is all free lodgings and meals. and apparently the ranch is out in the country so she can't shop. not sure where she thought a ranch might be. confused i could understand her boredom if she had left a really busy job to go but she didn't. she hasn't worked since february when she left her job in a very small jewellery shop because the hours were 'silly' and there "was no point going in for 3 or 4 hours a day". she was just lounging at home (mum and dad's) all day, nipping to the gym now and again.

apparently my mum's heart is breaking for her. mum thinks she is miserable and wants to pay for her to come home, 5 weeks into her stay. I have been sympathetic, i haven't voiced any of my frustration at constantly hearing teh same miserable whingeing to her or my parents but really i am just about getting to the point where i have heard enough. if i was a single 23 year old living for free on a ranch in OZ with very little work to do i would be in heaven tbh.

as i said. i just need to vent and i know i am prob BU.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo Mon 20-Dec-10 20:13:28

OMG sorry for essay. i don't expect anyone to read through all that. feel free to ignore.

KatieMiddleton Mon 20-Dec-10 20:17:21

Gave up before the end but just one thought sprang to mind: cut the apron strings.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo Mon 20-Dec-10 20:18:46

agree but try telling them that. i stopped long ago.

SpringHeeledJack Mon 20-Dec-10 20:19:32

I gave up too, in a fit of envy

grin

TinselInDisgrace Mon 20-Dec-10 20:20:07

I would have more sympathy for your sister if she weren't 23. YANBU.

She should stop moaning and make the most of it or come home (and stop moaning). Your mum should probably stop bailing her out/rescuing her too. She is an adult.

ShoppingDays Mon 20-Dec-10 20:22:22

She's probably homesick and it's a culture shock. She'll get used to things in time but in the meantime she needs you to be there for her to chat to.

ToffeeChristmascake Mon 20-Dec-10 20:22:24

I read it all! Your sister sounds a pain in the arse, to be honest, and I'm not surprised you are frustrated. She also sounds a bit spoilt, to say the least. I'm amazed that she is being so negative about the experience to your parents when they have financed the whole trip. You'd think she'd express some gratitude rather than complain.

I suspect your annoyance goes way back to childhood, though. Has it always been this way? Maybe she has always been spoilt and fussed over and you felt a bit left out?

At any rate, YANBU.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo Mon 20-Dec-10 20:22:53

"She should stop moaning and make the most of it or come home (and stop moaning). Your mum should probably stop bailing her out/rescuing her too. She is an adult."

exactly.

i know if it was me, my poor parents wouldn't have heard from me in the whole 5 weeks. i would be far too busy taking the hair of the dog!! grin

pinkteddy Mon 20-Dec-10 20:23:21

Why do your parents feel the need to baby her so much? Has it always been like this? She needs to grow up!

ChaoticChristmasAngelCrackers Mon 20-Dec-10 20:24:15

YANBU

Your sister sounds spoiled to me. I agree with Tinsel she needs to either stop moaning or come home. She certainly needs to learn to stand on her own two feet.

Btw I managed the essay wink

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo Mon 20-Dec-10 20:25:11

i think toffe it is more to do with the fact that i have had a particularly shitty year, and i keep wanting to scream "I'm not happy!!!!" when i hear them talking like this about her. i have had bouts of depression on and off, and my partner left in august, since then i have been messed about left right and centre wrt my benefits and i just think how lucky is she that her biggest problem is being bored.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo Mon 20-Dec-10 20:26:17

thank you to all who read. I'm just having a moan. I'll be all sweetness and light whenever they mention it again. smile

saffy85 Mon 20-Dec-10 20:26:41

I'd have snapped by now tbh. Your sister sounds an ungrateful spoilt brat and your mum and dad are feeding into it. Hopefully in years to come DSis will realise how lucky she's been (god I'm jealous!) and regret her ungrateful, shitty behaviour.

That's pretty harsh but seriously if my DD ever acts that way at 23 I'd sever the apron and the purse strings!

ToffeeChristmascake Mon 20-Dec-10 20:28:08

Were your parents sympathetic about your problems? Or do you always battle on and not tell them?

NameHasChanged Mon 20-Dec-10 20:29:18

Yanbu but try not to let it get to you. 23 is far too old to be having freebie trips to Oz paid for by the parents, she sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do. at least it's happening over thre and not in the UK right under your nose. Ignore it as much as possible, get on with your own life and have a good Christmas, on your terms. Just try to detach from how irritating it all is and focus on sorting your life out. Good luck!

thell Mon 20-Dec-10 20:30:55

YANBU.

Any chance of having a quiet word with your mum and dad?
If mum is the one who is always there as emotional support for your sis, maybe your dad should be the one to tell her to get her act together?

TinselInDisgrace Mon 20-Dec-10 20:36:36

Well I can definitely sympathise with tales of a spoilt sister. Mine is 28 now and still sponging off our mother. She's never held down a job for any length of time (largely because she clearly thinks working is beneath her); she's dropped out of/failed out of no less than 5 university courses (all financed by our mother); she regularly holidays abroad in all sorts of places, like India, Thailand, Egypt, and so on (all paid for by our mum and stepdad); she's never had any financial responsibilities... And still she moans about how hard done by she is.

We were at a family wedding last year. She was vile and difficult throughout. The next day our parents took us all to a cafe and she sat there complaining about how difficult life was and how she'd never be willing to work hard in a job just to be able to pay the bills and nothing more. Apparently it has to be about 'living'. DH and I must've looked shocked/angry because my mum then 'joked' that she was describing our life. Later on (after much more intolerable behaviour from my sister) my mother was annoyed with DH and I because we refused to give her a lift home.

She'd have had to grow up and get on with working just to make ends meet like everyone else if our mother didn't pander to her and allow her to be such a useless waste of space.

Hope that makes you feel better about your sister and her moaning.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo Mon 20-Dec-10 20:55:20

they don't know about the depression (although at times it was glaringly obvious)but know all the rest. when i told my mum Exp had left, i burst into tears and she walked away into another room to watch tv confused i was just left standing there in the kitchen in tears and carried on making the tea. i think it's because i have long moved out and she thinks that i don't need support. i have always been far more independant than Dsis but i think tehy do her no favours. tehre are only the two of us so it could be a case of mum not wanting to lose her baby.

i can't speak to them. I've treid but tehy always see it as me interfereing and it's "none of my business".

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo Mon 20-Dec-10 20:58:37

tinsel that does make me feel better. it has reminded me of when my Dsis was "jobhunting" (in the papers that mum and dad brought home to her) she refused to look at any jobs that involved food- "couldn't deal with other people's leftovers". i spent alot of that time like shock or grin it got to a point it was funny she was that naive.

ReindeerBollocks Mon 20-Dec-10 21:02:02

Seen as though your sister isn't enjoying the trip can I go in her place funded by your parents

At least I'd be making fun memories grin

YANBU - but you already know this surely?

NinkyNonker Mon 20-Dec-10 21:02:26

My little sis is 27 and sounds exactly the same. She will perpetually be the victim that my parents feel sorry for, and the baby. Hacks me off no end (as there is a disticnt inbalance and blinkers are well and truly on), but I would rather be me!!

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo Mon 20-Dec-10 21:18:41

me too ninky. i guess some people just wouldn't be happy in heaven! grin

cumfy Mon 20-Dec-10 22:33:08

You should immediately embark on a rescue Sis mission.

1. Fly over, put Sis on next flight back (poor, poor thing).

2. Transfer all that burgeoning lucre from her acct into yours.

3. Thoroughly investigate the tormenting circumstances down-under to establish whether any lasting psychological trauma has been prevailed upon dearest fragile sister.

4. Report back after your 2 months investigation the horrific squalor Sis was living in.

BTW what won't parents let you talk about ?
What is "none of your business" ?

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo Mon 20-Dec-10 22:42:58

it's none of my business that she lazed about for months on end, funded by them. i mean her car, her insurance, petrol, nights out (which were many), all her clothes and she can shop! she has a really good lifestyle on them. now i wouldn't have interfered because it really is their business what they do with their money, but my dad had expressed frustration at the situation, he was very keen for her to get a job, not so she could contribute but because it is a pretty important life skill to learn the value of money and added to that the fact that they wont be around forever, she will at some point have to be self sufficient. she will have to learn, budgetting skills, what it means to actually work for your keep etc. i thought this trip was a great idea initially. when she first suggested going i thought, this is great she will have a reason to get a job and save and then when she is away she will have to work to keep herself and sort all her own accomodation etc. but infortunatley, it hasn't worked liek that, she went 6 weeks after she decided to go so no financial contribution from her. she is supposed to be tehre for a year and if she insists on staying, i know my mum will fund teh entire year.

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