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Not to let DD visit her "boyfriend";?

(33 Posts)
VallhalaLalalalalalalalaaaaaa Mon 20-Dec-10 16:48:42

By "boyfriend" I mean the latest heart-throb, a boy from school. It'll be someone else next week!

DD1 is 15. We live in a currently snow-covered semi-rural village in East Anglia. Naturally as traffic crunches the snow down and the temperature drops, that snow will turn to ice (and is doing so tonight). The boy lives in another village, about 5 miles away and accessed through narrow country roads. As I understand it, though DD1 of course swears differently, the roads aren't well gritted - certainly there's a petition going in the village store to persuade the Council to grit the roads so I'd think it unlikely.

DD1 plans to go to the lad's house and back tomorrow, in either his father's or his brother's car. Silly girl, only last week did she get dropped off by one of the brothers and announce, "He drives like Dad!". That didn't cheer me - my ex drives like a bloody idiot - not just fast (I'm ex-motor trade, love fast cars and am a petrol-head), but dangerously, overtaking stupidly, up people's arses, you get the idea, I'm sure.

So, at least whilst there is snow and ice on the roads and no sign of thaw or improvement, I have said no - I don't feel comfortable with the idea of a stranger driving my child about on country roads in this weather.

And now I'm the meanest, most over-protective bitch on this earth, according to DD1.

Am I?

Lotster Mon 20-Dec-10 16:52:21

Hiya Val.

Er, I would say no. YANBU!

Niceguy2 Mon 20-Dec-10 16:53:30

Not, not the meanest but I think you are being too overprotective.

She's 15 and needs to be given a bit of freedom to make her own decisions.

Just my opinion

borderslass Mon 20-Dec-10 16:53:53

I have a 15 year old DD and no way would she be allowed to go in those circumstances YANBU.

TattyDevine Mon 20-Dec-10 16:57:30

I dont think YABU about not wanting someone else driving her around in what is essentially an unnecessary journey in this weather.

However, I suspect you might be ABU about her boyfriend/relationships in general, and quite dismissive of her desire to form these relationships.

Its awful growing up in a family where any relationships you do or wish to develop and maintain are not taken seriously, scoffed at, or frowned upon like its somehow invalid, or worse, undesirable, when at 15, its normal and reasonable to want to form and nurture these relationships.

thenightsky Mon 20-Dec-10 16:58:25

No... don't be going out driving on ice just for a social call for her. And FWIW I don't think this is anything to do with her being independent, after all, its not her doing the driving. Teens who don't drive don't have a clue how dangerous ice on the road can be.

DH took DS over to his girlfriend's house yesterday on the proviso that her mother brought him home in her landrover 4x4. Now he is stuck there because she has written the Landrover 4x4 off in a ditch sad

VallhalaLalalalalalalalaaaaaa Mon 20-Dec-10 17:03:02

Tatty, if you knew my DD, you'd know why I say "boyfriend" with a big grin... it really is one boyfriend this week, another one the next - she's blonde and pretty and boy does she use it!

<<Rolls eyes>>

<<Remembers own teenage years>>

<<Sobs at all the things she can't get away with now>>

VallhalaLalalalalalalalaaaaaa Mon 20-Dec-10 17:04:25

thenightsky, goodness, the poor mum, she must have been scared stiff. I take it she's okay?

cory Mon 20-Dec-10 17:07:24

I think I'd try to keep your opinions (however justified) of her boyfriends separate from your totally sensible reluctance to let her make an unnecessary journey on unsafe roads. Tell her your response would be exactly the same if she were to visit a favourite aunt: it is not worth risking her life for and anyone who cares about her will naturally feel the same.

Lotster Mon 20-Dec-10 17:07:24

Val, can't she just spend hours using up your phone bill instead like we used to??

PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice Mon 20-Dec-10 17:11:17


that counts as an un-necessary journey, and people who do these sorts of journeys are often responsible for putting others in danger and over stretching the already hectic life of the emergency services and NHS

I would chain my DD up before I let her out with an inexperienced young driver in these conditions

VallhalaLalalalalalalalaaaaaa Mon 20-Dec-10 17:11:38

Lotster, they're dirty words atm. DD2 has run up £70 of phone charges calling her friend's mobile. I am not a happy bunny, I can tell you.

thenightsky Mon 20-Dec-10 17:12:01

Val.. yes.. the gf's mum is fine, just very shaken.

We are in a rural place with ungritted roads too and the road between their village and ours is mostly single track with deep dykes on either side.

Lotster Mon 20-Dec-10 17:15:23

Well Val time to call in the big guns. Tell her there's a Fen tiger on the loose wink

Goblinchild Mon 20-Dec-10 17:17:58

I'm really disappointed that you don't have your dogs hitched to a sled and aren't mushing your DD to the arms of her beloved-of-the-hour.

Instead of which, you are being very sensible as your daughter is currently not thinking with her brain.

VallhalaLalalalalalalalaaaaaa Mon 20-Dec-10 17:21:09

Goblin, am PMSL. There's a thought... but sadly, although one dog looks the part (a long haired, champagne coloured German Shepherd with a coat built for snow-travel). they would go in three different directions and have us arse over elbow within seconds! :0

BertieBottlesOfMulledWine Mon 20-Dec-10 17:22:22

Can't she talk to him on the internet? They can moan together about how unreasonable parents are.

(My boyfriend is 22 and his mum won't let him use the car to come over to see me. Neither would I but that's beside the point really wink)

TattyDevine Mon 20-Dec-10 17:27:59

I guess its hard to remain serious and empathatic when they are renewed on a weekly/monthly basis!

That aside, its definitely the kind of weather to be staying in - tell her it will help test the relationship ...

Absence make the heart grow fonder...or...

Out of sight, out of mind...


IAmReallyFabNow Mon 20-Dec-10 17:30:05


She might be 15 and some people think allowed to make her own choices but who will be left heart broken if an accident does happen?

Lotster Mon 20-Dec-10 17:31:27

There you go, Skype with video. Free and she never ever has to leave the house again <cackle>

Spidermama Mon 20-Dec-10 17:36:31

YANBU. These are extreme circumstances. This is the coldest winter in 100 years. We're all learning on our feet. I would most certainly keep her in.

Tell her she can skype him or talk on the phone for as long as she likes perhaps.

If anything Romeo should be coming to Juliet.

cory Mon 20-Dec-10 17:38:57

IF it's any consolation, my mother in Sweden tells me that many Swedish villages have been cut off this winter and schools have been closed- and that's despite of a plethora of snow ploughs and all cars being fitted with winter tyres. Swedes may be used to wintry conditions, but they are not prepared to die before their time.

seeker Mon 20-Dec-10 17:41:46

If she actually used the word "bitch" she wouldn't be seeing him for a month if she were mine!

Otherwise - could you take her? Could his dad drop him at yours instead? Could they meet half way and have a romantic walk in the snow?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Mon 20-Dec-10 17:41:54

I absolutely would not allow my 15 yo dd to do this

Un-necessary journey in these circs...for what ?

I also wouldn't let her stay overnight at a boy's house, but I guess that is another thread...

TattyDevine Mon 20-Dec-10 17:44:32

I read it that she's going there tomorrow (or was going to) AND back tomorrow. So no overnight.

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