To be really struggling to control my jealousy??(19 Posts)
I really need some good old mumsnet whippings please!
I've had a pretty shitty year, had to leave my uni course because I couldn't get round my dyslexia to manage to pass my exams, lost my job (with the university) ad found a new job. I got made redundant again yesterday ad I'm 11 weeks pregnant. My dh runs his own business which isn't going very well at all and in a months time we will be flat broke. I will only have one day of Xmas with my family and will spend boxing day alone as dh is working and I have to go home to be at work the nextday.
I just had my weekly call with my mum to find that my sister has already gotten there for Xmas and is then going to be going to a Scottish castle for new years eve with chums after a dinner in a posh restaurant with her and her fiancée parents to celebrate the engagement. She has always done better than me, and I am immeasurably proud of her but I am so so so jealous at the mo- she got a scholarship to Cambridge and got a first and is engaged to a fantastic man, and has a very rewarding job working with people who are mute.
I am grateful for what I have and me and dh are really happy together but i just feel like the little tree next to her. I keep wondering what the he'll anybody could be proud of me for?
I hear all about her from my parents and I just wonder what they could possibly tell her about me?
I love her so much but these new hormones seem to send me into a spiral and I end up sobbing.
Aw, don't compare yourself to her! You have so much to look forward to being pregnant, try and enjoy your pregnancy. Family is what matters, not meals and visits to castles!
Ladyofthehouse - ahh, I remember those early pregnancy hormones well.
Get yourself some gorgeous food for boxing day, plan your tv viewing, get some lush bubble bath and just really spend the day lounging. You just need to look after yourself a bit.
This will pass.
You have to write off the first few months as potential madness. I got bumped by a shopping basket in Waitrose and nearly murdered the woman who did it (she did not apologise and I went mental, verbally - shook for ages after). You need to calm yourself down. Mind you, it may mean you're having a boy - !
Wait until your little one is born. Nothing will make you prouder! (hugs)
I am a continual let down to my parents, so I know how you feel. But then so are my 3 brothers so I am in good company there .
Seriously though, despite what my parents think, I am actually pretty proud of my life, unconventional though it may be. It's what you think of your situation that matters, it sounds a bit trite but focus on the good things, not the bad things.
And bear in mind, after a week with my family I'd be pulling my hair out! A lovely relaxing day on your own, watching films, napping, eating Quality Street, bathing etc sounds great.
Oh what a horrible feeling it is to feel like a failure. You have so much to be proud of. You are struggling financially, that does make you any less of a person. You will be a fantastic mum and will raise a child - there is nothing to be prouder of. This time will pass and not to wish your sister ill, but a day may well come when she will envy you and what would you say to her?
You have your whole future to look forward too!
You'll have your little one in no time, you can get back to work one day if you choose, and hopefully things will work out for your dh.
Dream and plan your future. I find it usually helps me when I feel down.
Thankyou so much everyone, you've made me cry again haha! I am so happy about the baby, it's like a tiny light shining through all the hard stuff which is lovely and I have been very lucky as I've had no sickness at all - just these crazy hormones!
Thanks so much, will re read all your lovely comments over and over I promise! Bubble bath and telly and chocolate does sound perfect for boxing day, I will certainly heed this advice to the letter
Dont worry OP - in ten years time your DH will be running a brilliant company, you will be quids in and supporting some beautiful children, and Cambridge sister will be stuck in the same job whining that shes not happy and her husbands is seeing someone else.
Qualifications mean fuck all to success beyond the first few years. Its much better to have a DH with a flare for business (who hasnt made it yet) than one with a flare for doing well in exams. Who do we respect more? Academics or successful businessman?
I can identify with your post - my sister recently got offered a great permanent job with opportunities etc and I only have temporary work at the moment. But I tell myself that success doesn't equal happiness. I am happy because of my loving DH and beautiful DD, and because I have everything I need.
Do you know something? I bet your sister is envious of some aspects of your life. And she could be having problems you know nothing about (hopefully she doesn't - but I just mean we don't always see the full picture).
And don't worry - your parents are equally proud of both of you and I'm sure they don't look down on your for being made redundant - not your fault! Instead, I bet they are extremely proud of your perseverence (from the sound of your post) and they'll be the proudest grandparents ever, wait and see.
Aww, Lady <hugs>
You know, you never know what your sister is feeling though. On the surface, I am much more like your DSis compared to my own sister, and she is the one whose life seems much less sorted, much more happy-go-lucky. But my sister has (as do you) a partner who really loves her and wants to have DCs with her. She is also a mature student (like I guess you were) and has the freedom and fun that go with that.
There might be things about your life that she envies!
Also, putting on uni lecturer's hat and nosing shamelessly -- was your dyslexia really so bad that you had to leave? What form of disability support did they give you? Because your posts are very clear and 'error'-free, much more so than most of my dyslexic students' essays... Is there any chance you could have another crack at that degree and turn the unemployment into an opportunity?
Erm, cheers ccp You do know that mere academics actually pioneer quite a lot of useful stuff that businesses then sell, right?
You are so doing so well
you are having a baby! once he/she is here you will feel like the luckiest woman alive
good luck with everything and don't feel too bad for feeling a little green
revoltingpeasent- my dyslexia is mainly with numbers (although I have to pretty painstakingly re-read things) and my degree was in economics (harharhar) which I am very passionate about and do continue to enjoy from afar. The university offered me extra time in exams and a free laptop which was the opposite of helpful tbh
I'm 23 so maybe with the right support I could go back in a few years after I find something that works for me, although of course I am very mindful of tuition fees especially when the baby comes along.
I do bloody love mumsnet, I know we have our bundights but you've honestly all helped so much and I've managed to drag myself up again and stop bawling haha!
RevoltingPeasant - I wasnt attacking academics, just trying to put across that at university/just post university age it can all seem to be about qualifications, but in reality 10 years later qualifications mean bugger all.
OPs DH is likely to be so much more successful in financial and recognition terms than an academic when he hits 30. Why? Because he struck out for himself rather than working for someone else. The typical academic will at best be in middle management, unless a cure for cancer was found of course. Not many academics of that calibre around though.
I know this because I'm currently watching an expelled from school brother become a milionaire. Still, mum and dad have my graduation day photo on the fireplace - I guess it counts for something.
What I'm trying to say to the OP is - Cambridge? Naaaa
I assume your bringing the first grandchild into the family. You mum will be so proud of you when that happens. Your baby will be all she talks of I promise you! The first grandchild is very very special. Enjoy you last boxing day on your own. I love my kids to bits but do look back on those lazy days with a hint of wistfullness
Hankyou booandpops- I hadn't thought of that!!
Yup it will be the first grandbaby!
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