Why Should I?(8 Posts)
Five years ago, when I was pregnant with DS, I found out that my supposedly best friend was having an affair with my (ex) DH. I was completely devastated, hurt and humiliated - so much so that I contemplated suicide. I didn't because of my child. I left DH and brought up DS by myself in a foreign country with no family or support system and did a pretty good job of it under the circumstances! My BF and DH broke up after a while and she went back to the UK. D(ex)H and I became friends again for the sake of our DS but as for my 'friend', I still hate her.
Yesterday, she sent me a message out of the blue saying she heard that I was back in the UK for Christmas and wanted to meet me for a chat and a chance to explain everything. Also, she said that she wanted my DS to meet his half-brother...news to me! I don't want anything to do with her or her child and I certainly don't want my son to know about his half-brother if she is being truthful about it (She has a reputation for being generous with her favours, if you know what I mean!)
Am I being unreasonable? I sent her a short, succinct note saying 'Go away, rotten person' (or words to that effect) and now I can feel the old resentment and anger building up again.
I don't think YABU at all....I wouldn't either. Why open old wounds? Sounds like she wants something to me. Are you in touch with your ex? How come you didn't know about this half sibling?
If your relationship with ex is OK wouldn't he have mentioned a half brother? I would sound him out first.
You don't have to meet her or listen to her excuses, she's just trying to make herself feel better.
If your DS really has a half brother, then I don't think you can pretend to you son he doesn't exist (although given his age you might nit want to tell him immediately). Let any contact be via you ex, not the boys mother.
If you can stop yourself, don't reply to her. I would just decent into an un-dignified shouting mad woman. Do nothing with her and keep your dignity.
I'm in touch with my ex, I see him once a week when I take our child to his house. He denies the child is his but other people who have seen him says that they are the image of each other.
And what exactly do you gain out of this idea?
She sounds like a taker. She wanted your husband, now she wants your patience and understanding and time. Erm, no.
I agree, if your son has a half brother he deserves to know, but any communication should be through your ex. Leave her well alone.
Actually, I've dreamed about meeting her again - what I'd say, what I'd do etc but, in reality, it would be a terible idea. I'm still so angry after 5 years and can't seem to let it go. God knows what would happen if I saw her face-to-face!
What Seabright said.
Don't allow her to upset you again. You've done so well to get over this. It must have been extremely tough at the time. Let us all be on your behalf. But you rise above it and enjoy christmas with your son.
Thanks, everyone - I just needed to get a rant off my chest and will enjoy a stress free Yule with DS. I shall ignore any more messages from her and cross the other bridges when I come to them!
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