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If you tell me IABU I won't do it, do I take DC's money?

(260 Posts)
DorasDilema Fri 17-Dec-10 10:30:20

We are really struggling at the moment due to the time of year and DH’s hours been cut back at work.

We have scrimped together every penny to buy the DC a few small Christmas presents.

A distant relative sent me £30 in a card for the DC. Usually when this happens I give it out to the DC and they fritter it away on sweets etc. But as we are struggling so much this year I was thinking of keeping the money because it would help us hugely and mean we can buy a few treats for everyone for Xmas and the children already have presents from us and will gets loads from friends and family over the Christmas period

Trouble is I feel like it’s really wrong! Am I stealing from my children? I am so torn!

Ahh what do I do??

mylifewithmangers Fri 17-Dec-10 10:32:25

Of course you should keep it, it's not like they are not benefitting from the treats etc. And as they have plenty of other stuff they won't even miss it.

dinkystinky Fri 17-Dec-10 10:32:26

Use the money - it means that everyone, including the kids, can have a nicer christmas. If you feel really guilty, give the kids £2 each to fritter away on sweets and use the balance for your family.

nomoreheels Fri 17-Dec-10 10:33:35

If you're using it for christmas treats for the family, which would make your time together a little more festive, I think it's fine. In later years when times are better, they can fritter cash gifts away on sweets etc.

Parental executive decision because times are tight is no bad thing.

scurryfunge Fri 17-Dec-10 10:33:36

If the children benefit from the money then I don't see a problem. You could always treat them later in the year if circumstances change.

curlymama Fri 17-Dec-10 10:34:06

If you are really struggling, I would take some of it, and spend it on something that will directly benefit the dc's. But give them something so thay will still write a thankyou.

It depends what you mean by 'treats for everyone' really. Whta were you thinking of buying?

frgr Fri 17-Dec-10 10:34:15

If i was in your position, and the kids didn't know about it and the person wasn't likely to ask what had been bought, i'd do it. I'd probably keep SOME for a small gift for the DCs from it though - the present was bought for them to enjoy. But if you're struggling £30 is quite a lot of money, so i'd take some.

kreecherlivesupstairs Fri 17-Dec-10 10:34:15

YA*D*NBU. It isn't as if you are taking it to spend on crack and vodka.
The money will benefit everyone, and as dinky says, you can give the children a token amount to spend on crack and vodka.

Limara Fri 17-Dec-10 10:34:48

I would and have done this.

hairyfairylights Fri 17-Dec-10 10:36:01

YABU, sorry. If I gave my neices (12, 9 and 7) a tenner each for Christmas, I expect them to buy something thy want with it.

I give it so that they can exercise their choice and I like that idea. I'd be mighty pissed off if their mum had bought 'family treats' with it.

hairyfairylights Fri 17-Dec-10 10:36:50

Oh and by the way, I do know what it is like to be really struggling financially.

overweightnoverdrawn Fri 17-Dec-10 10:37:06

cor kreecher crack and vodka must be cheap where you live its at least £75 down where I live . LOL (ps I would keep it and give the £30 back to them when you have a bit more money to go round )

WhereTheWildThingsWere Fri 17-Dec-10 10:38:46

I you are struggling to the point where £30 seems like a lot of money and would come in really useful, then YA so NBU and you shouldn't even have to ask sad.

BettyCash Fri 17-Dec-10 10:39:28

OP can you explain this stuff to distant relative ina thankyou card? I say take it, especially if they've been purposefully generous.

DorasDilema Fri 17-Dec-10 10:39:52

Without this money I don't have money to buy anything nice for the kids to eat on Christams day. We will get a chicken and some veg etc but no mince pies, chocolate etc. FWIW we don't drink or smoke or even go out. I don't even have a pair of water tight shoes. We do everything we can for the DC

theevildead2 Fri 17-Dec-10 10:40:09

I'm not really sure to be honest. As the relative sent YOU 30£ in a card for the children I'd say spend it on gifts for them and write a thank you card explaining it. As you say they are a distant relative and probably only sent money as they wouldnt have known what to buy the children anyway.

If the card was addressed individually to the children I might find it unreasonable though.

GrimmaTheNome Fri 17-Dec-10 10:40:54

Depends to some extent how old/sensible the kids are.
If they're just going to waste it on sweets I think YANBU. If they are mature enough to spend it on something they'd value (like Hairy's neices), then YABU.

tyler80 Fri 17-Dec-10 10:41:08

I was in a car accident age 4 and was awarded a small amount of compensation (300 quid). I thought I was amazingly rich for about 4 years until my parents told me they'd actually spent it on a washing machine. I don't hold it against them

notpartofthelifeplan Fri 17-Dec-10 10:41:27

Oh god unfortunately I do this all time. I don't fritter it away it goes on food and paying the bills. I have kept a tally over the years and between both boys we owe them nearly £1k.

Hoping to sell our house next year and I will pay them back out of the equity. I will put it straight into their CTF next time rather than their savings account then that way it can't be accessed.

GetOrfMoiLand Fri 17-Dec-10 10:43:11

lol at the washing machine.

OP YANBU. It would be ridiculous to let your children spend £30 on ben 10 toys and sweets, when you haven't even got a decent pair of shoes.

DorasDilema Fri 17-Dec-10 10:43:55

The card was addressed to me, not the DC. We have 6 DC so it would work out at £5 each.

GrimmaTheNome Fri 17-Dec-10 10:44:07

Having read your later post - I think they will enjoy xmas dinner with mince pies more than they will enjoy a load of Haribos.

waitwhat Fri 17-Dec-10 10:44:14

YANBU
I you need the money then use it smile

werewolf Fri 17-Dec-10 10:44:30

Use it.

hairyfairylights Fri 17-Dec-10 10:44:35

Without this money I don't have money to buy anything nice for the kids to eat on Christams day. We will get a chicken and some veg etc but no mince pies, chocolate etc. FWIW we don't drink or smoke or even go out. I don't even have a pair of water tight shoes. We do everything we can for the DC

How old are your DC.

A chicken and veg is Christmas dinner. You have got them some gifts. They will not suffer for a littl bit of chocolate.

If they are old enough, why not sit down with them and say xxx has given you some money for Christmas. Would you like to spend it on Chocolate / mince pies for Christmas day, or would you like to use it for something else? Involve them in the decision if they are old enough.

It is really good for children to have choice, and make informed decisions and find out that the world does not contain a never ending supply of sweets/chocolate/mince pies! LOL.

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