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AIBU or is DH?

(3 Posts)
Iwasthefourthwiseman Thu 16-Dec-10 22:25:32

I've recently had DD2 (12 weeks) and am struggling a bit, not seriously, just tired and fed up.

DD2 does sleep well in the day unless on me. Didn't realise how much this was getting me down till last week when I finally got her to nap in her hammock. This was liberating, I could finally get stuff done, I baked, spent time with DD1 (3) etc. This went tits up after a week and if I can get her down in the hammock she wakes after 20mins. She also feeds a lot and while she goes 12-6 at night 6 is a really awkward time for getting back to sleep and I don't survive well on 6 hours a day. She doesn't go down in the evenings, just cluster feeds and naps on me (like now). She also won't take a bottle. Well, she has taken one twice but has refused the last 3 times DH has tried.

DH has been unwell with a virus this past week and I haven't been as sympathetic as I should have been but am exhausted having dealt with both the kids and the house, trying to prepare for Christmas etc. Am knackered, and got so worked up yesterday I gave myself a migraine and was throwing up (while trying to feed DD2).

Things are just feeling pretty relentless, and I am exhausted and can't see a time when I will get a break or any time for myself (sorry if that sounds selfish but I need some space!).

DH just gave me a lecture on how I am always so negative and so defeatist and my attitude is getting him down and affecting everyone else. I feel like he just doesn't understand how draining and frustrating things are for me.

Don't get me wrong he is fab, an equal partner as far as he can be atm. He will do anything I need to help. But he can go into town for a few hours if he wants, and doesn't have to worry. When he was ill he slept all day. I was throwing up in between feeding DD2. He went to the cinema today to see Harry Potter (we were supposed to go together but decided it would be too loud for DD2. I'm going with a friend on monday but am not going to be able to relax not knowing if DD2 is going to be crying with hunger, or even if she isn't she will probably wake up in the night to feed. Ok, there is the negative attitude...but I just feel so tied and frustrated. DD1 was regularly taking a bottle of EBM at this stage and DH and I even went out a few times.

Anyway, AIBU for being so negative or is he BU and should cut me some slack?

BextheBambi Thu 16-Dec-10 22:31:54

YANBU he should cut you some slack BF and trying to look after a 3 year old all at the same time is very difficult, i'm guessing here.

This may sound difficult but try to get DD2 to sleep in her hammock by herself so even if she cries just come in sing a lullaby rock her put her back. I call it the bedtime routine as my LO was the same (she's now quietly sleeping in her bouncer).

I think the best thing to do is just mention that you know you've been a bit negative recently but you're finding it hard and would just like a bit of support?

Hope this helps a bit.

Iwasthefourthwiseman Thu 16-Dec-10 22:46:34

Thanks. To be fair, he has apologised but it's 'out there' if you know what I mean.

You know what it's like with a baby, although everyone says 'this will pass' when things are tough it feels never ending. He just doesn't get that. He's generally a more content person whereas I am more highly strung & lack of sleep just exacerbates my mood!

I'm still working on the napping. Today I bounced for 2x20 mins but she didn't settle

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