to be fed up of being the ones who do the running around all the time?(7 Posts)
I am getting increasingly fed up with being the ones in the family who do the visiting, picking up etc.
DH got a text from MIL this evening, are we going up to pick up DS's present before xmas? They only live 10 minutes away and FIL drives. God forbid they actually bring it here instead of a 7, nearly 8 month pregnant woman with a long term illness, a toddler and DH drag ourselves out when we are desperately trying to get many things at home sorted before birth of DC2. We got the sodding present in the first place and took it around for them (we saw something we knew DS would like so picked it up, we usually do this and don't mind so ILs don't actually have to do much in the way of present giving). They have been to our house about 3 times in the last 2 years!
None of my brothers and sister drive. So I am picking them up and giving lifts when I see them, which I shouldn't moan about. I love to see them and I probably won't if I don't do the driving but they never ask their mum to drop them off or pick them up.
SIL is useless and has never bothered to bring DS's present. She will ask when we can go and pick it up. I said to DH on pronciple that I am fed up of it so we didn't last time and DS got his gift voucher 3 months later when she passed it to MIL who was meeting up with DH. SIL also only lives about 15 minutes away and does drive, no children or anything so wouldn't take long for her to jump in the car and drop by.
There are loads of other little things and I don't mind helping people, I really don't but given our situation, it gets on my tits that people don't think a bit more and never offer any help in return. It always seems to do me who is doing the cooking/driving/lifts and general helping out others.
Grrrrrrr. Rant over now.
YANBU, but you do know that whilst you keep on doing what they tell you to then they are never going to stop.
Just explain when they ask that you are so busy and tired due to being heavily pregnant that you can't make it and when would they like to come round, same with SIL. Worst result is that DS doesn't get his present for a while, but if he is a toddler then he won't worry too much about it. If DH is unwilling to stand up to his parents then he can go to their house and pick up the presents.
Do these people not believe in the Royal Mail? If I were not sure when I would see someone, I would send it "just to be sure".
They are putting unnecessary pressure on you.
I do hope you manage to have some time to chill out before Christmas (and DC2!)!
I don't think having the things even near to the day seem to matter, particularly to SIL when I didn't even bother to give DS a random birthday card 3 months after his actual birthday as he would have thought it was his birthday again and wondered where the other presents/party/friends were. SIL excuse was she didn't want to put a voucher in the post, as oppose to our letter box that is actually 10 minutes from her work.
My sister was away for DS's birthday but had ordered his present in plenty of time beforehand. He still didn't get it until 6 weeks later and then it wasn't wrapped because she couldn't be bothered.
I do feel they forget or don't give a toss that I actually have a long term illness and a toddler to deal with that means I shouldn't be running around after people like I do. As a SAHM, I'm sure they see me as a lady of leisure or something.
Ah, the Lady of Leisure get-out! Have a look at this thread, whose OP faced the same attitude from her family. Maybe some of the ideas could help? At least it will give you a giggle; it ended up being a fun thread!
Thanks. I'll have a look when I have some more time.
Just wish they would understand a bit more sometimes.
My cousin phoned me at the weekend to ask if he and his DP could come up after work one day. I told him I could do the Sunday (last week) but they were busy. I said I was fully booked for the next 2 weeks but I got "ah come on, you can make time for me" etc etc. I gave in and arranged it for today even though it is DS's afternoon at nursery and instead of chilling I was going to be sorting out tea.
Phoned him this morning to remind him (he isn't always reliable) for him to say he has had a 'nightmare' (he is very dramatic) and his DPs phone has broken so he has to go in town after work to buy her a new one, like he was going to do for xmas anyway, then he said they needed to go shopping later!! I asked if he could go in town at the weekend as I had planned and sorted tea, no, can't do that but he wants to come up next week instead which I told him again I have no time, so he said he will ring later to sort something out (I could barely hear him as he was at work).
Just wondering why I bother!!! Grrrrrr. He isn't that reliable but the last few times he has turned up when he said he would and on time so I thought he was better now.
I knew I shouldn't have given in and stuck to my guns given that I am hugely busy before Christmas.
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