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to insist that we watch my choice of TV when DH and I are going to sleep?

(95 Posts)
Chocolocolate Thu 16-Dec-10 20:57:22

This is one of the only things that DH and I actually argue about and I can't work out if it's me or him that's in the wrong.

I have had a long-standing problem where I can't fall asleep without having a TV programme on. It has to be something that I've watched lots of times before and something not too exciting. I have tried all sorts to get out of this habit but if I don't have this - I don't fall asleep.

DH did not vocalise that he had a problem with this for years however in the last year ,which I believe corresponds with him now having a job that starts early in the morning,he has. He says that he finds it impossible to get to sleep with the TV on and likes to listen to a short radio program that then turns off and there is black silence.

I cannot sleep with this.

I have suggested that I sleep in the spare room as I need to sleep but DH does not want to sleep without me. I have suggested that he wear an eyemask/have radio in earphones/earplugs etc

DH is not happy with any of these solutions and thinks that it is only fair if we alternate and have one night with TV and then one night with radio. He says that he watches TV for me and it's not fair that I always get my choice.

I know this sounds petty and selfish but it turns into a big argument about once a fortnight now.

What are your opinions?

truffleshuffle Thu 16-Dec-10 21:04:00

YABU. There is no way I could sleep with the TV on unless i was absolutely shattered...and then I could fall asleep anywhere grin.
Alternating nights seems like a fair solution as at least then you will get a good nights sleep every other night.

MumInBeds Thu 16-Dec-10 21:12:02

Alternating seems like a reasonable solution, could you give that a go for a few weeks to see how it goes? It is worth trying to learn to fall asleep without the TV if you can.

Chocolocolate Thu 16-Dec-10 21:13:38

The problem is, I get really stressed and anxious when I can't sleep and it's an awful feeling.

I would rather sleep in the spare room than have the radio then silence.

Does that make me a bad wife? I think that DH thinks it does.

Fibilou Thu 16-Dec-10 21:14:00

You can't sleep without the TV on
Your DH can't sleep with the TV on

I cannot see how you think you should be entitled to have it your way all the time.

horsemadgal Thu 16-Dec-10 21:16:00

Can't you alternate with headphones?

allnightlong Thu 16-Dec-10 21:16:16

It does make you a bit selfish not to even consider compromising. You come across as valuing your sleep over your DH even thought he has to be up early for work.

magicmummy1 Thu 16-Dec-10 21:17:25

YABU. You need to compromise on this one. Alternating nights sounds reasonable - perhaps you can de-camp to the spare room if you ever get really desperate!

I can't for the life of me understand how anyone can sleep with the TV on, but each to their own! I don't think you're a bad wife, but I do think you need to break the dependency on your TV for your own sake - what if it breaks?! Or if there is a powercut?!!

Chocolocolate Thu 16-Dec-10 21:19:22

I really wish that I could fall asleep without the TV. I've tried all sorts of techniques but it doesn't work.

I literally don't sleep all night. Last night I didn't sleep all night - not one minute of sleep.

FanjoKazooie Thu 16-Dec-10 21:19:44

YABU. Can you not wear headphones and have some background radio thing on very quietly?

FanjoKazooie Thu 16-Dec-10 21:20:22

I mean background radio on your headphones, so you get noise and your DH gets peace.

diddl Thu 16-Dec-10 21:21:55

I´ve never heard of anything so wierd.

Having to have the TV on?

And your husband can´t sleep without listening to the radio first?

Of course it shouldn´t be just your way all the time.

So the TV is still on when you wake up?

What a waste of electricity!

merrycompo Thu 16-Dec-10 21:23:02

Not one minute of sleep last night? Why don't you let him listen to the radio and fall asleep and then go into the spare room?
I feel sad for you, you need some sort of sleep clinic

Chocolocolate Thu 16-Dec-10 21:24:08

The computer automatically shuts down after two hours.

I realise it's weird, but it's how I am.

merrycompo Thu 16-Dec-10 21:24:43

My mate couldn't sleep without tv on
it was set to turn off when she was asleep
one of the reasons I'm very anti kids growing up with tvs in their rooms

pozzled Thu 16-Dec-10 21:24:59

Well, I think it is fair to alternate. If that won't work, could you stay up a bit later than him, let him listen to his radio programme and then once he is asleep watch a TV programme with the subtitles on?

RhinestoneCowgirl Thu 16-Dec-10 21:26:26

Getting rid of the TV in the bedroom is one of those things that is always on the 'tackling your insomnia' list I thought (hence I don't have one any more). Did you have TV on as a child?

Fibilou Thu 16-Dec-10 21:26:29

I think if you are old enough to have a husband you are old enough to start dealing with the problem head on, not just dealing with the periphery issues. Are you really going to live the rest of your life never being able to sleep without the TV on, and the rest of you marriage arguing about it ?

You need to get some help

merrycompo Thu 16-Dec-10 21:26:56

I never go to bed at the same time as dh
it's too hard to drop off when he's there
he's a night owl anyway and I'm a morning person
I go up nowish , he goes to bed past midnight

Fibilou Thu 16-Dec-10 21:28:18

and i'm not surprised your DH keeps bringing it up. He must be pretty pissed off with always coming second, especially if he has to get up early in the morning.

MadamDeathstare Thu 16-Dec-10 21:28:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chocolocolate Thu 16-Dec-10 21:28:39

Yep, not one minute. He sometimes listens to the radio and then I put TV on - but it wakes him up slightly.

He would not be happy if he woke up in the middle of the night I had moved to the spare room.

I don't see why he can't wear the nice eyemask that I bought + earphones/plugs as that wouldn't work for me but should for him, but obviously you all think IABU.

allnightlong Thu 16-Dec-10 21:28:39

Then seek medical help.
My dad is the same insisted on TV on al night to sleep 30 years later my mums own sleep pattern and health have really taken a battering because of his selfish behaviour.

curlymama Thu 16-Dec-10 21:31:14

YANBU. I like going to sleep with the tv on, otherwise my mind just goes a bit crazy and I can't get to sleep at all unless Im especially tired or drunk. DH doesn't like it, although he does put up with it, but then he can fall asleep within seconds of trying.

I think in your case the point is that DH can get to sleep with the tv on, he just doesn't want to have to. he can't just change his mind after all this time and say he can't get to sleep without the radio then silence, he's been going to sleep with the tv on for ages! If you genuinely don't like going to sleep in silence, then dh doesn't have much choice if he still wants you in the same room. You have given an alternative, he has rejected it.

magicmummy1 Thu 16-Dec-10 21:33:36

To be fair to the OP, she has offered to sleep in the spare room, so she isn't just asking her DH to put up and shut up.

Sleep deprivation is really hard to deal with, and I feel for both of you actually. OP, most of us think you're BU because we can't actually relate to the idea of being unable to sleep without the TV - but this problem is obviously very real to you, and I can understand your need to get to sleep somehow. Can you ask your doctor for help?

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