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I'm I asking to much

(9 Posts)
yummincepie Thu 16-Dec-10 19:02:53

For someone to actually listen to my reply when they ask how I am! I seem to get this alot from people they ask me a question and when I give a reply I feel they are not really listening to me. I've learn't to say 'I'm fine' even when I'm not because I feel people are just not interested.

Is it unreasonable of me to want someone to truly listen to me!

PhishFoodAddiction Thu 16-Dec-10 19:06:10

Aw I don't think YABU. Don't your close friends/ family listen when you try to tell them how you feel?

You may be being a tad U if you're trying to spill your guts to someone who's just asking how you are as a pleasantry and isn't expecting any answer other than fine thanks.

Pancakeflipper Thu 16-Dec-10 19:09:14

what do you truly wish to say when asked the question if you are fine?

Why are you feeling unloved and invisible ?

scurryfunge Thu 16-Dec-10 19:09:50

It depends on the audience really. You may want a specific response from a close friend or family member. I wouldn't expect to hear full details if I was on the till at Tesco or at a bus stop, though.

HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly Thu 16-Dec-10 19:10:33

It's because they don't actually care how you are.

You think they are asking because they're interested. You're wrong.

"How are you?"
"I'm fine thanks, how are you?"
"great."

It's like saying "nice weather, isn't it?"
"yes. going to be a warm weekend."

It's just saying hello. They aren't actually asking you to tell them how you really are! You are supposed to say fine. You're not supposed to launch into "well, awful actually. The sink sprung a leak, my piles are playing up, the kids have broken the sofa, me and the old man are fighting again and I think my tight jeans have given me thrush..."

cupcakebakerer Thu 16-Dec-10 19:11:27

I hate to come across as mean here....

There is a girl at work who noone asks how she is as rather than getting the usual 'I'm fine thanks, and you?' you get a big tirade of depression of all the things that aren't 'fine'. I think you need to judge your response on who asks you. If it's your mum or best friend - yes you should be free to spill your guts and expect them to listen to you (all night if necessary). However if it's a colleague who is just saying it as an alternative to hello, then yes YABU. Hope that makes sense!

cupcakebakerer Thu 16-Dec-10 19:11:58

X-post with Hec

yummincepie Thu 16-Dec-10 19:17:55

It s not only when they ask how I am, I'm not one to spill my feelings to just anyone, it s in general I feel people don't listen to me, as if what I have to say isn't interesting, someone can start a conversation off and I feel like they not really listening to what I have t say

cupcakebakerer Thu 16-Dec-10 19:21:01

Yummi, few people make good listeners. I find that mostly a conversation consists of you saying what you want to say, them saying what they want to say and noone really listening to the other. Some people are glaringly obvious about it and don't even pretend to listen before they're blurting their thoughts out. It's just the way of the world Im'm afraid and I think everyone is guilty to a degree. I honestly wouldn't get upset about it.

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