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AIBU?

To think that this woman was selfish and quite cruel

122 replies

MistletoeMush · 15/12/2010 21:05

This has probably been done before and I know it is quite a controversial subject. I was just reading an article in Grazia about a woman who was expecting triplets and had two of them aborted. The reasons she gave included financial ones, not wanting to be a stay at home mum, wanting to give more attention to her individual child and not wanting to be bed-ridden during pregnancy when she wanted to be working. Her partner was initially against the abortion but came around. She says she doesn't regret what she did and one day will tell her surviving son about it. She wasn't on the breadline at all, she was working and describes herself as middle class.

Aibu to think that she was very selfish and that son may not be impressed when he is older and she tells him?

OP posts:

Report

LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake · 15/12/2010 21:07

yabu to read Grazia

maybe she did the right thing for her and her family.

nickytwotimes · 15/12/2010 21:09

was just going to write yabu to read grazia too!

buy the gruniad/times/whatever

shirleyhyypia · 15/12/2010 21:12

How would they do that? I didnt realise it was even possible??

shirleyhyypia · 15/12/2010 21:13

I dont think her son would be impressed either, its only due to sheer luck that hes alive!

Lulumaam · 15/12/2010 21:15

YABU. it must have been very hard. selective reduction is offered for multiple pregnancies. with triplets, the odds of all the babies making it are low, and making it to a gestation where they are viable is low. if they do get to viability , weeks/months in scbu and possible life long problems could ensure

...financial reasons are as justifiable IMO as any other reason for not continuing with a pregnancy .

far more selfish to have children you do not feel in your heart you want or can support fully

QueenGigantaurofMnet · 15/12/2010 21:15

i think that one day she will hear a teenager shout at her that she killed his siblings, that she shuld have killed him instead, that what if she had killed him and not the other feotus..etc etc

KerryMumblesFaints · 15/12/2010 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DuelingFanio · 15/12/2010 21:16

Selective abortions are carried out all the time. it's an individual choice and should be IMO.

LoopyLoopsOfSparklyFairyLights · 15/12/2010 21:16

I find this horribly upsetting, as one of my twins was stillborn. I would have loved her more (well, as much) as anything else int he world and stories like this are awful.

:(

However, I'm quite sure that this isn't usual practice, unless there is a threat to the life of the babies, as it can cause loss of the remaining babies. Also, I believe that reduction for 3 to 2 is not unheard of, but 3 to 1 is unlikely.

MistletoeMush · 15/12/2010 21:17

I'm aware that I'm a bit unreasonable to read Grazia, tis a guilty pleasure.

Shirley- she was in America, not sure if it is possible in UK. It was difficult for her to find a dr who would do it though

OP posts:

pointythings · 15/12/2010 21:18

I think this is horrible. My best friend was one of twins - her twin died in utero and was surgically removed because my best friend's life was in danger - tis was hugely traumatic for her mum, and my friend still wonders sometimes what it would have been like having a twin. I can understand people having a termination - I'm not anti-abortion - and I wouldn't argue with that, but if nature throws a multiple at you and there's no medical reason for terminating then you've just got to accept that. DH and I always wanted two children and we have two DDs, but twins and triplets run in his family and when we tried for DD2 we accepted the risk that we might end up with 3 - or more.

LadyBiscuit · 15/12/2010 21:18

Have the children adopted? You sound like a pro-lifer kerry

KerryMumblesFaints · 15/12/2010 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoopyLoopsOfSparklyFairyLights · 15/12/2010 21:21

pointy - twins can't run in the male line of the family. Identical twins aren't inherited, and fraternal twins, which are/can be, are the result of the woman producing two eggs, which clearly her male partner can't provide!

LoopyLoopsOfSparklyFairyLights · 15/12/2010 21:22

Is there anything wrong with being 'a pro-lifer'?
Life is pretty damn important IMO.

winnybella · 15/12/2010 21:26

Nothing wrong with being pro-lifer.

But I intensly dislike people saying that, of course, they are pro-choice, but still, you know, here it's wrong and cruel etc...

winnybella · 15/12/2010 21:28

And if a woman can get abortion because she doesn't feel she's up to raising a child, why cannot she have selective termination, because she doesn't feel she can deal, whether psychologically or financially or whatever, with 3 children?

Janos · 15/12/2010 21:29

YABU. Why are her reasons not valid? Her choice.

igetmorelovefromthecat · 15/12/2010 21:29

Quite right Loopy, I'm a pro-lifer and proud. I totally understand that in certain situations abortion may be the best or only option but just getting rid of a baby because it isn't convenient sucks IMO. On that basis neither of mine would be here if I had taken that stance, not saying it has been easy but to me the other option doesn't bear thinking about.

AuntiePickleBottom · 15/12/2010 21:30

i don't think she is cruel or selfish, she did the right thing for her.

her body, her choice.

LadyBiscuit · 15/12/2010 21:31

Yes I think there is a lot wrong with being a pro-lifer but that's probably a separate discussion.

There are a lot of reasons for not wanting multiple births. I suspect that Grazia might have focused on the more frothing at the mouth ones though.

QueeferSantaland · 15/12/2010 21:32

YABU.

What if she had IVF and became pg with 8 babies. It is routine to terminate some.

Is it much worse than having two seperate singleton terminations?

MistletoeMush · 15/12/2010 21:35

I think its partly how she comes across in the article. It sounds as if its all about her she seems very ant-multiples. She says that multiple births are dangerous and that just because science has made them possible doesn't mean women should have them. Yet hers were concieved naturally. She also says that she knows she would not have had ahappy family had she had triplets. How does she know that?

OP posts:

LoopyLoopsOfSparklyFairyLights · 15/12/2010 21:35

LadyBiscuit - do you mean there is a lot wrong with being anti abortion, or being a pro-lifer? Really, you think that being in favour of life is a bad thing?

BalloonSlayer · 15/12/2010 21:36

"Identical twins aren't inherited,"

can they not be? I always heard that they could be (after all it's just a tendency for an embryo to split into two) and the Old Wives' Tale is that they miss a generation, ie if your granny had identical twins you are more likely to. Would be interested to know if that is balls.

As for the OP, as someone who had nightmares over Sophie's Choice, it makes me shudder.

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