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To think that this woman was selfish and quite cruel

(123 Posts)
MistletoeMush Wed 15-Dec-10 21:05:58

This has probably been done before and I know it is quite a controversial subject. I was just reading an article in Grazia about a woman who was expecting triplets and had two of them aborted. The reasons she gave included financial ones, not wanting to be a stay at home mum, wanting to give more attention to her individual child and not wanting to be bed-ridden during pregnancy when she wanted to be working. Her partner was initially against the abortion but came around. She says she doesn't regret what she did and one day will tell her surviving son about it. She wasn't on the breadline at all, she was working and describes herself as middle class.

Aibu to think that she was very selfish and that son may not be impressed when he is older and she tells him?

LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake Wed 15-Dec-10 21:07:43

yabu to read Grazia

maybe she did the right thing for her and her family.

nickytwotimes Wed 15-Dec-10 21:09:49

was just going to write yabu to read grazia too!

buy the gruniad/times/whatever

shirleyhyypia Wed 15-Dec-10 21:12:14

How would they do that? I didnt realise it was even possible?? confused

shirleyhyypia Wed 15-Dec-10 21:13:16

I dont think her son would be impressed either, its only due to sheer luck that hes alive!

Lulumaam Wed 15-Dec-10 21:15:07

YABU. it must have been very hard. selective reduction is offered for multiple pregnancies. with triplets, the odds of all the babies making it are low, and making it to a gestation where they are viable is low. if they do get to viability , weeks/months in scbu and possible life long problems could ensure reasons are as justifiable IMO as any other reason for not continuing with a pregnancy .

far more selfish to have children you do not feel in your heart you want or can support fully

QueenGigantaurofMnet Wed 15-Dec-10 21:15:34

i think that one day she will hear a teenager shout at her that she killed his siblings, that she shuld have killed him instead, that what if she had killed him and not the other feotus..etc etc

KerryMumblesFaints Wed 15-Dec-10 21:15:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DuelingFanio Wed 15-Dec-10 21:16:34

Selective abortions are carried out all the time. it's an individual choice and should be IMO.

LoopyLoopsOfSparklyFairyLights Wed 15-Dec-10 21:16:45

I find this horribly upsetting, as one of my twins was stillborn. I would have loved her more (well, as much) as anything else int he world and stories like this are awful.

However, I'm quite sure that this isn't usual practice, unless there is a threat to the life of the babies, as it can cause loss of the remaining babies. Also, I believe that reduction for 3 to 2 is not unheard of, but 3 to 1 is unlikely.

MistletoeMush Wed 15-Dec-10 21:17:05

I'm aware that I'm a bit unreasonable to read Grazia, tis a guilty pleasure.

Shirley- she was in America, not sure if it is possible in UK. It was difficult for her to find a dr who would do it though

pointythings Wed 15-Dec-10 21:18:49

I think this is horrible. My best friend was one of twins - her twin died in utero and was surgically removed because my best friend's life was in danger - tis was hugely traumatic for her mum, and my friend still wonders sometimes what it would have been like having a twin. I can understand people having a termination - I'm not anti-abortion - and I wouldn't argue with that, but if nature throws a multiple at you and there's no medical reason for terminating then you've just got to accept that. DH and I always wanted two children and we have two DDs, but twins and triplets run in his family and when we tried for DD2 we accepted the risk that we might end up with 3 - or more.

LadyBiscuit Wed 15-Dec-10 21:18:54

Have the children adopted? You sound like a pro-lifer kerry hmm

KerryMumblesFaints Wed 15-Dec-10 21:21:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoopyLoopsOfSparklyFairyLights Wed 15-Dec-10 21:21:26

pointy - twins can't run in the male line of the family. Identical twins aren't inherited, and fraternal twins, which are/can be, are the result of the woman producing two eggs, which clearly her male partner can't provide!

LoopyLoopsOfSparklyFairyLights Wed 15-Dec-10 21:22:18

Is there anything wrong with being 'a pro-lifer'?
Life is pretty damn important IMO.

winnybella Wed 15-Dec-10 21:26:45

Nothing wrong with being pro-lifer.

But I intensly dislike people saying that, of course, they are pro-choice, but still, you know, here it's wrong and cruel etc...hmm

winnybella Wed 15-Dec-10 21:28:41

And if a woman can get abortion because she doesn't feel she's up to raising a child, why cannot she have selective termination, because she doesn't feel she can deal, whether psychologically or financially or whatever, with 3 children?

Janos Wed 15-Dec-10 21:29:31

YABU. Why are her reasons not valid? Her choice.

igetmorelovefromthecat Wed 15-Dec-10 21:29:32

Quite right Loopy, I'm a pro-lifer and proud. I totally understand that in certain situations abortion may be the best or only option but just getting rid of a baby because it isn't convenient sucks IMO. On that basis neither of mine would be here if I had taken that stance, not saying it has been easy but to me the other option doesn't bear thinking about.

AuntiePickleBottom Wed 15-Dec-10 21:30:25

i don't think she is cruel or selfish, she did the right thing for her.

her body, her choice.

LadyBiscuit Wed 15-Dec-10 21:31:09

Yes I think there is a lot wrong with being a pro-lifer but that's probably a separate discussion.

There are a lot of reasons for not wanting multiple births. I suspect that Grazia might have focused on the more frothing at the mouth ones though.

QueeferSantaland Wed 15-Dec-10 21:32:13


What if she had IVF and became pg with 8 babies. It is routine to terminate some.

Is it much worse than having two seperate singleton terminations?

MistletoeMush Wed 15-Dec-10 21:35:32

I think its partly how she comes across in the article. It sounds as if its all about her she seems very ant-multiples. She says that multiple births are dangerous and that just because science has made them possible doesn't mean women should have them. Yet hers were concieved naturally. She also says that she knows she would not have had ahappy family had she had triplets. How does she know that?

LoopyLoopsOfSparklyFairyLights Wed 15-Dec-10 21:35:39

LadyBiscuit - do you mean there is a lot wrong with being anti abortion, or being a pro-lifer? Really, you think that being in favour of life is a bad thing? hmm

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