to not want to get their DD a Christmas present?

[HollyFP]

DH has a large extended family, but they seem to be all considered 'close family' (ie 2nd cousins are in this group!).

Yesterday we received a Christmas card and present for our 5 month old DD from one of DH's many cousins - I don't particularly like them as they never seem pleased to see us at family events and never seemed to remember who I was for the first however many years of being with DH. When they came to our wedding, they didn't come to the ceremony, just turned up for the evening meal reception and still didn't come and talk to us.

Would it be rude to not get their DD a Christmas present in return? I kind of feel that if we get them something, we'd be obliged to get all the other DCs in the 'family' something too, which will no doubt be expensive. We barely see these people, I've never had a conversation with them (for the above reasons) and tbh just don't feel like we should, just to satisfy some bizarre family obligation.

Am I being Bah-Humbug about this?

[ConnorTraceptive]

If it's not something you want to get into then don't buy one and hopefully they won't send another gift next year.

DH's family buy gifts for everyone for any occasion drives me bonkers!

[MassiveKnobOfBrandyButter]

no, you are not obliged to send a present in return. They chose to send one to you, but you may choose not to send one to theirs.

It would be nice to send a thank you card, and leave it at that. Otherwise, if you get them a present, you will have to do it for years!! Bear that in mind.

[overmydeadbody]

If your DH considers his 2nd cousins close family, I personally think that is a great thing, why are you so negative about it?


If your DH wants to give their DD a christmas present, you are not in any position to try to stop him.


You seem to not like your DH's family much.

[ConnorTraceptive]

Do send your thanks for the gift though as it was thoughtfull of them.

[AliceWorld]

I'd say it's for your partner to decide how he feels about them and whether/how he wants to respond. I do my family, partner does his.

[HollyFP]

Phew thanks - was preparing for a flaming

MassiveKnob (:o) yes exactly - I don't want to set a precedent and have to do it each year.
I do think it's a peculiarity of DH's culture...now how to explain it to DH?!

[ConnorTraceptive]

Just say you don't want to get into buying gifts for every member of his family but of course he is welcome to take the initiative a nd purchase a gift if he so wishes

[HollyFP]

I like DH's close family (what I would consider close, ie parents, sister, etc) and absolutely adore my 2 Dnephews, but some of his extended family are hard work, like I mentioned. I cannot imagine no-one else has this issue in their family too. I don't think I'm being unreasonable about that part!

But yes, perhaps I can just leave it to DH to decide, and keep out of it.

[HollyFP]

x post Connor

[MassiveKnobOfBrandyButter]

Just explain that once these things start, they carry on each year, and that if you have more children or they do, then that is even more pressies to buy, so it's best to nip these things in the bud.

If he insists, then let him get on with it. (all the choosing and wrapping etc, he will soon tire of all that)

[LittleMissHoHoHoFit]

leave it to DH as HIS responsibility to reciprocate the gift...

it'll never get bought....

[curlymama]

Leave it to DH to deal with. Or just send a selection box.

[Chatelaine]

As MassiveKnobOfBrandyButter says, observe the etiquette and send a thank you letter and leave it at that, you should not send presents just to reciprocate as that would feel false.